Life Balance Counseling CT, LLC

01/27/2026

Attempting to parallel parent with a narcissistic abuser is exhausting at best and often deeply destabilizing. Sometimes the abuse becomes life threatening. You are not dealing with a person who is capable of empathy, self-reflection, or prioritizing your children’s well-being. The narcissistic abusers ongoing attempts to punish you for leaving do not stop simply because children are involved. In fact, children are often put in the crossfire.For the narcissistic abuser, the bottom line is winning. Everything revolves around preserving a fragile, false image of themselves. Accountability is not an option. Acknowledging their abusive behaviors—or recognizing that it led you to leave—would require insight and responsibility narcissistic abusers simply do not possess. In their mind, you were supposed to stay, endure the cycle of false promises, temporary change, and continue absorbing the abuse quietly. Because the emotional and physical well-being of your children are not the abusers priority, it becomes apparent that a child’s needs are second to the narcissist’s need for control, validation, and revenge.

Many narcissistic parents are known to weaponize the court system to continue abuse of the other parent and/or children after separation. Legal processes become another arena for control, intimidation and punishment. While this can be terrifying, it is important to know that this tactic can backfire. Now more than ever, judges, court staff, and legal professionals are becoming educated about coercive control and the recognizable patterns of narcissistic abuse. Communicating if needed through unalterable communication apps, documenting facts, keeping reactions neutral and getting trauma informed support is essential for survivors and children.

Common tactics narcissistic abusers use after separation:

-Smear campaigns, including false allegations or sharing of personal information meant to discredit and destabilize you.
-Frequent attempts to engage or provoke you, often under the guise of “co-parenting.”
-Enlisting enablers—friends, family members, support groups or professionals who unknowingly encourage the abuse.
-Coercion, such as withholding essential items for the children while refusing financial support.
-Unilateral decision-making that violates legal agreements or court orders.
-Emotional or physical neglect of the children.
-Baiting you into emotional reactions, then using those reactions against you.
-Using children as pawns, fully aware that any emotional response you have can be twisted into “evidence” of how “crazy” you are.
-Making disparaging comments about you to the children or threats of doing so disguised as “telling the child the truth about you” which is a form of emotional abuse.
-Creating a polished false front with a new partner AKA “supply” to project the illusion of stability, happiness or success.

Narcissists will use children as pawns to punish you for leaving. Here are some tips to keep yourself and your children safe while parallel parenting.

01/14/2026

February is right around the corner, and Valentine’s Day can bring up complex emotions for many people. One of the things I love most about being a therapist is the opportunity to have meaningful, in-depth conversations in a private and safe space—conversations about topics that often go unspoken in everyday life.

In the interest of transparency, despite my education and many years of experience in the mental health field, it was only recently that I learned about limerence. The definition made sense; however, I had not previously heard the specific term. Something clicked immediately in relation to the attachment-oriented focus of much of my work. My hope is that sharing this insight and resource may offer clarity, validation, or relief for someone who needs it.

Would you like to explore and process this? If so, I currently have limited evening telehealth availability for highly motivated adult clients aged 21+ who are residents of Connecticut.

Anthem, United -Optum, Cigna/Evernorth and Self-Pay accepted.

If you find yourself obsessing over rejection or a one-sided relationship that’s not in your favor, you’re likely stuck in limerence. A registered psychotherapist explains what that means and how to get out of it.

11/07/2025

If you or someone you care for needs help, know that there’s support and resources available. Don’t keep it a secret. You and your children deserve to be safe, respected and loved.

https://womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence-children #:~:text=Children%20who%20witness%20or%20are,%2Desteem%2C%20and%20other%20problems.

Many children exposed to violence in the home are also victims of physical abuse.1 Children who witness domestic violence or are victims of abuse themselves

09/25/2025

Although I don’t watch TV or the news, accounts of domestic violence and murder of children and/or a parent by the other parent have been seeping heavily into social media outlets. This is a subject that is near and dear to me. Domestic violence has impacted many loved ones, respected friends, and acquaintances. As a result, I have dedicated much of my professional and personal life to trying to learn about the dynamics and how to best support survivors.

Many on the outside wonder, “Why do they stay?” This article may help explain if you or someone you care for remains in a relationship where there is mental, physical, and/or sexual abuse/assault by a partner.

If you're in an abusive relationship, there may be reasons why you stay. You can find out here.

08/16/2025

I constantly think about mental health and wellness. Nature and specifically gardening can be a wonderful metaphor in areas of self discovery; love and relationships; life's lessons as well as shedding light on nature's wisdom.

Our patch of vegetables and herbs has sprung to life. After the initial process of digging, filling, planting and weeding, it's mostly maintenance free. Keeping up with what's produced is an interesting challenge. A few new and fun projects have sprouted from this.

Gardening
The beginning: The seed can represent a new idea, goal, or relationship.
Growth: Sprouts signify progress and development.
Challenges: Weeds symbolize obstacles and negative emotions.
Nurturing: The gardener's care represents the effort and attention needed for growth.

If you or someone you care for is interested in exploring and/or working on these areas, I have openings for Telehealth appointments in the fall for new or pre-existing clients aged 21+. Must be a CT resident living in CT.

Anthem Blue Cross, United-Optum, Cigna, Aetna and Self Pay are all accepted. First Responder and Military discounts are provided for Self Pay clients and family ( 21+)

07/09/2025

Sometimes things get messy before getting better. What is worth trying for and what has run its course, possibly allowing for new opportunities?

We put alot of thought and work into growing wildflowers and vegtable gardens, specifically in hopes of supporting honeybee hives, enjoying our own veggies and sharing too.

At times, our plants looked like they weren’t going to make it. The weeds are relentless. They pull nutrients from the soil however, we opted to not use fabric to block them. We agreed that the possibily of chemicals leaching in as the barrier degraded into the soil wasn’t worth it for us. This intentional approach requires extra work. Before the sun gets too hot or mosquitoes and horseflies too pesky, I go out and choose a patch to focus on. I think “This patch, these weeds…” as a little mantra when my mind wanders or I look around to see new patches of unwanted greenery sprouting up.

The sounds of these summer mornings include crickets, bird songs, squirrels in the brush. The faint, spicy smell of various ferns, new vegtables, flowers and earth hang in a curtain of dampness before the sun rises. I can feel the surpringly strong roots of some weeds holding firmly and the smoothness of new vegetables. The humidity rises like a stopwatch. I’m surprised to actually enjoy this part now!

The patch of native wildflowers initially looked like weeds. I didn’t touch the swath of seedlings after they were tossed by the handfulls onto sandy and gravel littered ground. There were moments of doubt and disappointment as reality at several points didn’t match high hopes of feeding pollenators. It seemed unlikely that beautiful blooms could be grown in such an untended, dry tangle. Every morning and several times a day I walked out, hopeful to find a first bud. As the days are unfolding, new flowers pop like delicate lanterns. I learn their names, marvel at the intricacies of their parts, and which ones various pollinators seem to prefer. The goldfinches look like perky beacons as they bob up and down, grasping whispy stems. Butterflies visit too.

Our family shares the work and excitement of this new experience. We’ve met new friends who also enjoy talking about their own trials and errors- as well as successes. Sometimes our approaches differ but the intentions are similar and there are common goals.

Some things need more tending to and some things need less. At times a different approach or suggestions on how to enhance what is can be really helpful. It seems like gardening, similar to life and relationships requires frequent recalibration of hopes and expectations as well as repair work. This can bring us to new and unexpected places of growth after challenge.

Thought prompt: How does your garden grow?

Progression of photos from the past few months:

05/05/2025

We tried digging our way through 24+ inches of composted wood chips to create our garden bed. We would still be digging. Thankfully, our neighbor has a backhoe and dug out the rest. This was a tremendous help.

Overnight, we watered our grass and woke up to a swamp. The water traveled to the lowest point…our garden! I attempted to shovel out a trench for drainage. It took 6 hours and didn’t help much. Our son loved playing in the mud and that brought some joy to a challenging situation.

We had about 60 yards of soil delivered and spent 2- 1/2 days spreading it. We tried using our ATV to flatten the pile, but that just compacted it. I took a break and noticed that yellow, fuzzy honeybees drank from small drops of water in the remainder of the pit. We decided to leave them alone and hoped they would later enjoy the native wildflowers now sprouting in our garden. Maybe they would be the elders of our hives that we hope to establish.
This project was hard but we kept each others spirits up. We eventually just used our determination and strength to dig and rake out the soil.

This is a good example of Polyvagal Theory applied. Combining the ventral vagal (VV) state (safety and connection) and sympathetic state (fight or flight) uses the calm focus of VV state and energy with drive of the sympathetic system to focus and motivate while not getting overwhelmed. It was close!

Having a conscious awareness of one’s own nervous system responses and patterns can help map it out. That awareness can lead to developing tools to promote self-regulation and social engagement. I enjoy working with others on navigating their own unique landscape. If you or someone you care for can benefit, referrals are always welcome!

03/25/2025

Spring is in the air. With the days being lighter for longer, there are opportunities to expand in ways that can be a bit more challenging when it’s cold and dark.

We have a few projects happening. Planning and making a large garden is a new journey for us. We’re allowing ourselves to be beginners. Creating our first big garden highlights some of the nourishing aspects of Nature Therapy.

Connection✔️
Sense of Accomplishment ✔️
Physical Activity ✔️
Social Interaction ✔️
Environmental Benefits✔️

Some benefits of gardening can also include: improved mood, decrease anxiety, lower stress, improved fitness, increased self esteem, increased appreciation and access to healthier sources of food.

We decided to source our garden posts from downed cedars on our land. When we came up short, friends offered to share.

A long term goal is to care for bees. We already have the equipment. There’s a lot to learn. In the meantime, creating a pollinator friendly habitat is important. Planting flowers not modified with neonicicides is essential to not harm or kill pollinators and beneficial insects. Also, we are maintaining areas of tall grasses and goldenrod which the bees love!

I have always loved bats. They provide all natural mosquito control minus nasty chemicals that can make us and the environment sick. This weekend we put up our first batbox-right next to their wetlands buffet.

Are you or someone you love interested in the potential benefits of therapy in nature? Nature Therapy sessions are available. Please visit my website for details.

Www.lifebalacecounselingctllc.com

03/18/2025

Like most days, I have been reflecting on the importance of healthy connections with my Self, others, and nature. On the weekends, our family makes time to walk together. This time, we stayed local. The warm overnight temperatures seemed to awaken the spring peepers and tree frogs all at once. Slightly off the trail, I caught a glimpse of familiar grayish-green lichen and rock that possibly indicates the presence of Native American stonework. My heartbeat quickened as a sense of awe washed over seeing a great serpentine head overlooking the water. Some of these are hundreds, if not thousands, of years old. They have been acknowledged and preserved by local tribes, historians, and private donors.

These sites are sacred spaces that inspire a sense of wonder and curiosity. My gratitude for being here and glimpsing these ancient works is mixed with an awareness of a painful history. My heart aches with compassion for the unjust displacement and near destruction of Indigenous People and their culture. Acknowledging this devastation and allowing myself to feel these emotions, rather than pushing them away, helps me stay connected to the issues at hand.

Development and fallen trees are a few of the dangers that often take a toll on these sacred works. Feeling clear-headed and motivated, I recently learned how to use a chainsaw to eventually volunteer and remove debris. At this time, I sometimes clear away fallen dead trees by hand as long as their removal won't cause additional harm to the stonework. Some trees are too large to tackle alone, so I’ve been considering ways to enlist the help of others.

There is a greater purpose and impact of even our smallest efforts. This prevents me from believing that my actions are insignificant. Each person's contributions, no matter how small, accumulate to create a larger effect.

12/22/2024

The winter solstice marks the return of light after the longest night here in the northern hemisphere. It can be a great reminder to acknowledge that polarities are a part of life. Unlike the solstice, sometimes life doesn't deliver challenges in such a balanced way. Seeking light in times of darkness can help provide opportunities for presence and growth.

A strengths based perspective can help you focus on your positive qualities. Doing so can help in times of despair or hopelessness. Sometimes journaling the answers to the following can be helpful. Notice how you feel emotionally, mentally and physically after focusing on your strengths.

-What positive qualities best describe you? For example, you might explore how you are a good friend, caring, humorous, fair, or enjoy learning.

-Try to reflect on your growth. What are the positive changes that you have made in your life due to your commitment to healing? Maybe, you have realized your capacity to be courageous, committed, or mentally tough.

-What hopes or dreams do you have for your future? Are there any new qualities would you like to expand and grow within yourself? What goals would you like to set for yourself? What do you need for support so that you can be successful?

-What steps (no matter how seemingly small) can you take to make a difference in the outcome of your life now? What helps you to feel empowered to shape your future in a positive direction?

If you would like to explore this more, I'd like the opportunity to work with you. Telehealth sessions are available to CT Residents who are 21+. Walk and talk sessions are available in Southeastern, CT as well. (860)717-2007

*photo from our chilly yet serene solstice walk. It uploaded upside-down accidently but I left it that way because it looked interesting.

11/14/2024

I took my daily walk with family the other evening. It was unseasonably warm which provided us with an opportunity to play in the sand, hunt for beach treasures and take in the warm salt air. While familiar, this full sensory experience is also novel. The changing landscape and deep blue Atlantic Ocean provides the opportunity for rich metaphor.

It’s essential to your mental health to recognize that all emotions are meant to come and go and like waves in the ocean. They will rise, crest, and subside. Try being aware of and curious about your own experience with these waves. Is it possible that you might want to suppress emotions before the waves even come? Is this related to fear that you will be overtaken by the feelings and emotions or something else? It’s important to know that even the biggest waves of emotion will not destroy you if you learn strategies to observe and/or ride them. Old ways of staying safe and protected worked in the sense that you survived. Staying afloat, encapsulated might not be necessary anymore.

Are you willing to explore your depths to develop healthier ways of authentically relating to yourself and others? I’d like the opportunity to work with you in your journey! *edited for grammar

J. Elise Forbes, LCSW
(860)717-2007

11/08/2024

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201709/feeling-guilty-about-feeling-bad

You may have heard, "Things could have been worse," or "That's what you get," after experiencing a trauma. Your feelings are always valid, no matter what others say.