Michelle Rubbert, MA, LMHC

09/06/2021

Here we are... another school year just days away. Yet it is not just any school year, it is a year both post Covid and still Covid. There is a lot of anxiety in the air over the unknowns of the year to come.

For kids, the unknows may feel big and scary... Many are questioning things like... Will their friends remember them or even still want to be their friend? (this is a big one) Will their teachers be understanding if they don't get it? Will they get sick? How will they wear a mask all day again?... Lots of fears swirling around.

As kids head back this week, a couple of things that may be good to remember to help them transition back...

1. Help them name some of their fears and don't dismiss them. As parents, we are the containers for our kids, it is part of our job to help hold their feelings as they process.

2. Name some things they are looking forward to. New friends; familiar rituals - such as sports and activities starting again, holidays; seeing old friends; the rhythm of life.

3. Give them space. This is a big transition week, even more so this year as they return to a year post hybrid. A lot of emotions will be swirling around this week so have a quiet Friday night with pizza or some favorite comfort food and a movie. It will have been a week and they need some space to breathe.

This week is big, we are all feeling a bit burnt out or restless with all the news and unknowns of a new school year upon us. However, together we can help make it a bit smoother for our kids and our families.

02/28/2021

A story was posted yesterday from our local news. The story stated, "According to the Washington Chapter of The American Academy of Pediatrics, more than 50% of children between 11 and 17 years old have thought about su***de or self-harm over the past two-week period. More than 50% of visits to pediatricians are now for mental health issues. That's twice the normal rate."

This is an unfortunate reality that I see several times a week in my office. So many children are feeling helpless and out of control. Added to the fears are the constant switching of whether they are returning to school or not. It has nearly been a year since any of them have step foot inside a school, let alone seen many of their friends or classmates.

As parents and adults, we must help our kids, they are our future. Here are a few ways we can help:

1. LISTEN. This is often the hardest since we want to fix, justify, or ignore but we must listen. Listening is helping, often our kids just need someone to vent to. (hello social media) When we jump to fixing or justifying, we aren't listening and that is what they need.

2. VALIDATE. Validate what our kids are feeling. We are in the middle of a pandemic... still! This is big and our kids have big feelings that may be all over the map. Validate what they are feeling. It is ok for them to feel multiple feelings, such as being excited at the prospect of returning to school and being terrified.

3. CONNECT. Be intentional about connecting with our kids but also encourage them to connect with others. It is easy to get into a rhythm of being home together and going through the motions of life but not really connecting with our kids. Play a game, go for a hike, do something to connect. Also encourage them to connect with friends. While many are on social media and connecting with others, it can be a false sense of connection. Encourage them to be intentional about their connections as well.

The biggest reminder is we are still in the midst of a pandemic with so many unknowns. While many of us have settled into a new normal of mask wearing, going about some normal activities such as shopping, working from home, we are still in unprecedented times. Our kids need us to continue to see them and be there for them.

https://www.king5.com/article/news/health/coronavirus/childrens-mental-health-washington-state-pandemic/281-b9618faf-1eaf-425f-8835-4329b8ca9476 #:~:text=According%20to%20the%20Washington%20Chapter,the%20past%20two%2Dweek%20period.

More than 50% of visits to pediatricians are now for mental health issues, including eating disorders, anxiety attacks and depression.

12/08/2020

This is a great article on how kids are struggling with remote learning and how they often struggle with naming their emotions. Many are experiencing increased crying, outbursts, and breakdowns.

The kids miss their friends, teachers, the rhythm of school. Some feel like their teachers and friends aren't even real anymore since they only see them through a computer.

The article also includes some artwork from kids who drew what they are experiencing. Art is a great way for kids (& adults) to express how they are feeling.

The Washington Post asked parents nationwide to share stories and artwork produced by youths participating in the home-school experiment.

11/24/2020

"If our hearts do not groan, whatever we proclaim in regards to gratitude has already lost the integrity and authenticity of living one of the hardest years." Dr. Dan Allender

We are in the midst of a week traditionally for thanksgiving. However, this is definitely not a traditional year.

For some, it has been a year filled with loss - loss of people, jobs, opportunities, and traditions. For others, it has been a year of gratitude - thankfulness of health, jobs, time with family.

For most of us, it has been a time of both - of loss, grief, thankfulness, downtime, too much time. The complexity of the emotions may feel like too much to bear so we often ignore the hard & grasp onto the good. However, we are complex people who need to feel both. The mix of grief and gratitude.

This year, I encourage you to take some time to recognize both - the heartache and the gratefulness of the last 11 months. To mark what has happened over these months by allowing both grief & gratitude to have space at your table.

11/15/2020

We need to allow our kids to grieve all the losses they have and continue to experience - time with friends, beginning of a new school year, homecoming, games, performances... So many to name. None of which were by their choice, they had all of these taken from them.

So please stop saying to our kids "at least you have Zoom" or "at least we're healthy" or "it will be better someday". Our kids know this, what they need is for us to acknowledge their pain now. They need us to see how they are hurting. They don't need to be dismissed.

Yes our kids are resilient (please stop saying this too). However, resiliency comes from being able to grieve, process, and move forward. If we don't give our kids space to grieve and acknowledge their pain, it will manifest later. Let's give them an opportunity to be resilient by showing them grace, giving them space, and acknowledge their pain.

We can do this by listening to them and not responding with the "bright side". Or by giving them space to rest. Or with extra hugs and love.

09/29/2020

This photo is fitting right now - when I look at this I see the tidal wave in the background that represents the coming fall and winter in the Pacific Northwest, the early darkness, the endless rains, the continuing pandemic. The person represents many of us - looking at what is ahead and not knowing what to do.

Yesterday I listened to Brene Brown's podcast "Unlocking Us". She talked about how depleted we are all feeling, or as she describes it, we are at surge capacity. She explained that Professor Ann Masten defines surge capacity as "a collection of adaptive systems, mental and physical, that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations such as natural disasters".

The problem is as Brene illustrates it, we are both still in the hurricane (the pandemic) and in the clean up of the hurricane (the fallout of it), so we are maxed out. Our systems are wearing thin.

The question is... ok, now what. The first step is to acknowledge that we are maxed out. We are over 6 months into the pandemic without much relief in sight. Of course we are exhausted, for many of the the last 6 months have felt like 6 years. It's important to name the exhaustion.

We are about to enter some of the longest months of our year - darkness, rain, dreariness. These months are hard enough in a normal year, let alone during a pandemic when we have little escape from it. The exhaustion will continue.

The next step is to make some plans. How are you going to handle the winter? Many of our regular traditions and rituals, ones where we are able to connect with others have been canceled or will be drastically changed. How are you going to continue to connect with people? Who are those people?

What does play look like for you during this season? Our ability to get outside to play or be will be limited so how will you recharge?

I encourage you today to make some plans to help you renew your surge capacity. Who are your people and how will you play?

Remember you are not alone in this. Remember to check on one another and if you're struggling, ask for help.

09/21/2020

09/10/2020

When was the last time you listened to the silence around you? The whisper of the wind, the tree, the call of the birds.

It is so easy for us to get caught up in our heads - the to do lists, the anxiety around starting a new school year online, Covid, the elections, the argument you had with your partner last night.

But when we are able to silence our thoughts for a few moments and allow our bodies to relax by listening to the music of the earth, we are able to return to our bodies and feel more grounded. Being grounded, especially in nature, allows your sympathetic nervous system to shift down. It also allows your parasympathetic nervous system to regulate your breathing, digestion, and heart rate, which can lead to a decrease in anxiety.

Today I encourage you to take a few minutes to listen to the music of the earth, to silence your thoughts, and allow you senses to bring a sense of grounding to your body. What do you hear, smell, feel, even taste in those moments? After, notice how your body feels, do you feel more at peace, does your body feel more rested?

Finally, I encourage you to make this a regular routine. Our bodies and all the systems we have work hard to keep us alive and functioning, giving them a break is vital.

09/08/2020

Exciting news to share! I have started a private psychotherapy practice in Olympia. This has been a dream of mine for awhile, to be able to help others, and no better time than now during a pandemic.
Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for updates with my practice, for tips to cope during the pandemic, and encouraging words.
You can also learn more about me on my website www.michellerubbert.com.

When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending. - Brene Brown     The decision to enter therapy is similar to entering a body of water… What will you encounter? Will the water be refreshing, cold, warm, shocking? Entering therapy may feel similar. Will it...