K. Fenton's Healing Connection

02/10/2025

02/10/2025

🙂

02/08/2025

Chaotic relationships, boundary issues, hypervigilance, and more.

02/04/2025

Women have less desire for a partner, and higher s*xual satisfaction.

02/04/2025

You are worthy ~ Mandy

02/04/2025

Savoring the present moment together, with kindness and good s*x.

01/31/2025

Growing up with a narcissistic mother, you likely never had a truly safe space. Your home, which should have been a haven, was instead a battleground of emotional manipulation and unpredictable moods. Your very sense of self was constantly under siege, shaped and reshaped to meet your mother's ever-changing needs and expectations.

Creating a safe place within yourself is not just a coping mechanism - it's an act of radical self-preservation and self-love. This inner sanctuary is a space where your true self can exist freely, untouched by the chaos of the outside world or the echoes of your mother's criticisms.

This internal refuge isn't a physical location, but a state of being. It's a part of you that remains inviolate, no matter what storms rage around you. In this space, you are free to be your authentic self, to feel your emotions without judgment, to dream and hope without fear of ridicule or dismissal.

Building this safe place takes time and practice. It involves reconnecting with your core self - the person you are beneath the layers of conditioning and coping mechanisms. This might mean rediscovering old passions, exploring new interests, or simply sitting quietly with your own thoughts and feelings.

Your inner sanctuary is fortified by self-compassion and self-trust. It's a place where you validate your own experiences and emotions, countering the gaslighting and emotional neglect you endured. Here, your perceptions are trusted, your feelings are honoured, and your needs are prioritised.

This safe space becomes a wellspring of strength and resilience. When the world feels overwhelming, when old triggers threaten to destabilise you, you can retreat to this inner sanctuary to regroup and recharge. It's a source of calm in the storm, a touchstone of your true self amidst the chaos.

Remember, this inner safe place is yours alone. No one - not your narcissistic mother, not any other toxic influence - can touch it or take it away from you. It's a testament to your inner strength and a key to your ongoing healing and growth.

Cultivate this space within yourself. Nurture it with self-care, positive self-talk, and moments of mindfulness. Let it be your refuge, your strength, and your launching pad for creating the life you deserve - one that's authentic, fulfilling, and truly your own.

01/31/2025

Your desire for balanced, reciprocal friendships is not just valid—it's essential for your well-being. Growing up with a narcissistic mother likely forced you into care taking roles from a young age, always prioritising others' needs over your own. This pattern may have carried into your adult relationships, leaving you exhausted and emotionally drained.

The roles you mention—mother, nurturer, healer, teacher, processor—are all giving roles. While these qualities can be strengths, constantly inhabiting them in friendships can be a sign that you're recreating the unbalanced dynamics of your childhood. You may have learnt that your worth comes from what you can do for others, rather than who you inherently are.

But you're right—you absolutely deserve to be held too. You deserve friendships where you can be vulnerable, where you can lean on others for support, where your needs are acknowledged and met. This isn't selfish; it's a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships.

Recognising this need for balance is a significant step in your healing journey. It shows you're breaking free from the patterns instilled by your narcissistic mother and valuing your own needs and emotions.

As you move forward, seek out friendships that offer reciprocity. Look for people who not only accept your support but also genuinely want to support you in return. It may feel uncomfortable at first to allow yourself to be nurtured, but remember—you're worthy of care and support simply because you exist, not because of what you can offer others.

Your journey from always being the giver to allowing yourself to receive is an act of self-love and a powerful statement against the dysfunctional patterns of your past. Embrace it, and know that you deserve friendships that nourish and uplift you just as much as you do for others.

01/31/2025

This process is particularly relevant to your experience of healing from maternal narcissism.

The journey of confronting and processing the pain inflicted by your narcissistic mother can be overwhelming. You may encounter emotions you've long suppressed - anger, grief, shame, or fear. The instinct to avoid these feelings is strong, especially when you've been conditioned to ignore your own needs and emotions.

However, true healing and growth come from allowing yourself to experience these difficult emotions fully. By sitting with your discomfort, you're acknowledging the validity of your experiences and feelings. This act of self-validation is powerful, especially when you've been gaslighted and manipulated to doubt your own perceptions.

As you sit with these uncomfortable feelings, you may notice their intensity begin to wane. What once felt unbearable becomes manageable. The memories and emotions that held so much power over you start to lose their grip. This doesn't mean the pain disappears entirely, but rather that you develop the strength to carry it without being overwhelmed.

Remember, this process takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate these turbulent emotional waters. Each moment you spend sitting with your discomfort is an act of courage and a step towards reclaiming your authentic self.

Embracing this aspect of growth is challenging, but it's also liberating. As you face and process these difficult emotions, you're breaking free from the emotional patterns instilled by your narcissistic mother. You're reclaiming your right to feel, to hurt, and ultimately, to heal.

01/31/2025

This struggle to be seen and treated as an adult by your family is a common challenge for those who have grown up in dysfunctional family dynamics. Your family may be stuck in outdated patterns of interaction, still viewing you through the lens of your childhood role.

The exhaustion you feel is valid. Constantly asserting your autonomy and reminding others of your adult status can be draining, especially when it goes against ingrained family dynamics. This process challenges not only your family's perception but also the internal voice that may still echo your childhood conditioning.

Your declaration of independence - "I am a grown woman now and I am going to do whatever I feel like doing" - is a powerful step towards breaking free from the constraints of your past. It's an assertion of your right to make your own choices and live authentically.

Valuing your time, space, and energy is crucial for your well-being and personal growth. It's a sign that you're prioritising your needs and boundaries, which is essential for healing from childhood trauma and building healthy relationships.

Remember, this transition isn't just challenging for you; it can be difficult for your family to adjust as well. However, it's not your responsibility to manage their feelings or reactions to your growth. Your focus should be on nurturing your own emotional health and continuing to assert your adult identity.

Stay strong in your resolve. Your journey of self-discovery and independence is valid and important. You have the right to be treated as the capable, autonomous adult you are, regardless of how your family perceives you.

01/31/2025

For years, you may have clung to the hope that your mother would change - that she'd become the nurturing, supportive figure you've always longed for. This healing fantasy was once a survival mechanism, providing hope in the face of emotional neglect or abuse. However, holding onto this fantasy as an adult can impede your healing process.

Accepting that your mother won't change and that things won't be different is a painful but necessary step. It involves acknowledging the reality of your relationship with your mother, rather than the idealised version you've held onto. This acceptance allows you to see your mother as she truly is, not as the person you wish she could be.

Allowing yourself to grieve this fantasy is a powerful act of self-compassion. It's about honouring the pain of what you didn't receive and mourning the relationship you deserved but never had. This grief is a natural and important part of the healing process.

Remember, this grieving process is not linear. It may involve a range of emotions - sadness, anger, disappointment - all of which are valid. Embrace these feelings as they come, understanding that they are stepping stones on your path to healing.

As you work through this grief, you create space for self-love and self-nurturing. You begin to fill the emotional void left by your mother's inability to meet your needs. This process of mourning and self-nurturing is a crucial step in breaking free from the cycle of the mother wound and reclaiming your own emotional well-being.

01/30/2025

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