05/29/2026
This is 40. For my birthday earlier this month, I treated myself to a photoshoot. I wanted to celebrate the journey of life I've had so far, feel beautiful in my own skin, and celebrate the 30 lbs I've lost. As I head into this new chapter, I walk with courage and enthusiasm for what's to come.
In my journey so far, I've learned that perfectionism was my armor for my PTSD. I believed that if I were perfect, I would be loved and accepted. This belief was an illusion. The only love I truly needed was self-love.
In my journey, I've learned that, rooted in my subconscious and body, was the belief that I couldn't trust others. Subconsciously, I believed that if I was vulnerable, I would be harmed - physically, mentally, or emotionally. That was based on real-life experience, and it's how my mind and body chose to protect me. But internally, that subconscious protection became a living battle of loneliness, depression, and fear.
I chose a new path. Maybe out of spite, desperation, or woman power - I chose to heal. I signed up for every holistic or spiritual experience I could find. Some experiences were beautiful, some transformational, and some were truly challenging. A journey of healing means working through stored pain, grief, and fear. It is uncomfortable, but on the other side of that pain is growth.
Growth is the journey I'm on now. It is the new chapter. I no longer aspire for perfection. I aspire for growth. I aspire to embrace who I am fully - no matter if I'm judged or not accepted - because I truly love myself.
Once I worked through each layer of trauma, I started finding who Betty was underneath. Several times, people have said I remind them of a fairy. I feel that is accurate. My true self is whimsical, curious, nature lover, loves bringing joy and happiness to others, loves helping to heal others, and I love playing instruments - using frequency and sound to create peace within. If I could grow sparkly wings, I certainly would try. Woman-made wings will have to do. 😏🧚♀️
Another lesson I've learned is honoring my energy, my peace, and my boundaries. This meant separating myself from people who made me feel emotionally or energetically bad. This is also uncomfortable, but it's also empowering. We deserve to feel happy, healthy, and successful in whatever way that means for us. If others are not supportive of this, or want to break you down instead of breaking through their own barriers, then it's okay to protect your inner peace and simply walk away. Once you're past the discomfort, you feel free.
The last lesson I have to share is that embracing yourself means no longer apologizing for the weird and goofy side of yourself. It means crying if you need to and not feeling embarrassed by it. It means not apologizing for taking up space, being loud, or wanting to dance or sing, even if you're not great at it. Embracing yourself means making your self-care a priority. Because finding who you are and accepting and loving her means continuing to choose yourself and your healing journey every day. 💖
As a phoenix rises from ashes, we too can rise from the pain we're buried beneath. Take that first step and spread your wings, you beautiful soul. ✨
