Dr. Rachel, Orinda, CA (2025)

10/23/2025

Interrupting the pattern begins with humility.

It requires awareness of your own raw spots —
and sensitivity to your partner’s as well.

It asks for a willingness to stay open in disagreement,
to depersonalize your partner’s experience of you,
and to trust that something deeper and more sacred is unfolding beneath the surface.

In a healthy partnership, where both people are showing up to do the work and genuinely want to love each other well, nothing is outside the realm of possibility.

Even the patterns and habits that come from childhood wounds, family modeling, or unmet needs can be transformed.

Conflict, in that context, isn’t a sign that something’s broken.

It’s a sacred opportunity to wake up.
To communicate from a more vulnerable place.

To soften the defenses, humble the habits, and take honest inventory of how you’re showing up & whether it supports the connection you want to have or not.

When both people choose to do that work, it’s profoundly healing & beautiful.

✨ I currently have limited spots open for couples coaching sessions, and through this weekend, I’m offering a special discounted rate on all packages.

If you and your partner are ready to transform old patterns and create a relationship that truly supports your growth, reach out.

DM me “COUPLES” to talk about what working together could look like.

10/22/2025

The greatest gift you can give your partner
is your self-reflection, self-awareness, and your willingness to grow.

A lot of people believe we should choose someone we never want to change. And while there’s incredible wisdom in loving someone for who they are right now, there’s also wisdom in recognizing that real relationship is an invitation to evolve.

Saying yes to partnership — especially long-term — is saying yes to riding the wave of each other’s growth and transformation.

So don’t look for the person who’s perfect, or who will never trigger you, or who will get it right every time.
That person doesn’t exist.

Look for the one who’s willing to do the work.
And *be* the one who’s willing to do the work.

The real mark of emotional maturity isn’t perfection — it’s the ability to notice where we’re defended, reactive, or reenacting old patterns, and to take responsibility for our impact.

A healthy relationship holds space for both:
to be loved and accepted exactly as you are,
and to be trusted to keep growing.

That’s what makes love safe, alive, and sustainable over time.

✨ Limited spots left for couples coaching with me — for those who are ready to deepen self-awareness, communication, and connection together.

DM me “COUPLES” if you’d like to talk about getting started.

10/20/2025

When we trace these patterns back, they began long before the relationship did.

What we learned as children about love, safety, and belonging shows up here in tone, timing, facial expressions, reactivity, and silence.

But the good news is this: awareness & commitment to change liberates patterning.

When even one partner can pause and notice, “We’re in our old pattern again,” and bring curiosity instead of defense, the cycle softens.

That’s how healing happens. It’s not by never getting triggered, but by learning to meet those triggers with compassion and accountability.

⸻

✨ If you and your partner are ready to explore the roots of your patterns and create a relationship that feels safer, deeper, and more connected, I have a few couples coaching packages open right now.
I’d love to support your growth together.

🕊️ DM me “COUPLES” or click the link in bio to begin.

10/17/2025

First, notice the moment you want to defend, explain, or prove your point. That impulse is your nervous system saying, “I don’t feel safe.”

Pause. Breathe.

Ask yourself: What am I protecting right now? My pride, or my vulnerability?

Then try this instead:
•Reflect what you heard your partner say.
•Validate the feeling, even if you see it differently.
•Share your truth calmly, without needing to win.

And remember: disagreement doesn’t mean it’s the end.

It doesn’t mean your needs will never get met.
It doesn’t even necessarily mean you’re unsafe.

If you’re in a relationship built on mutual respect, care, and goodwill — you can remind the younger, more wounded parts of you:

“This is not catastrophe. We can disagree and still be okay.”

That’s how emotional maturity grows.

That’s how safety rebuilds inside you, and between you.

✨ If you and your partner are ready to learn how to stay connected through conflict, I have a few couples coaching packages open right now.
I’d love to support your growth together.

🕊️ DM me “COUPLES” or click the link in bio to begin.

10/16/2025

Listen to hear.

Not to fix.
Not to defend.
Not to prove your point.
But to understand.

Because the truth is love can’t feel safe without being heard.

And yet, so often, we think listening means losing ground or giving up our chance to be understood.

It doesn’t.

The paradox is this: when you give your partner what you most need — empathy, patience, understanding, genuine curiosity — you create the very conditions that make it possible for you to be heard too.

If you’re consistently the one doing that without reciprocity, that’s a separate conversation about balance and mutuality.

But more often, couples come into my office longing for something they themselves haven’t yet practiced giving.

The moment we stop waiting for the other person to go first — and choose to embody what we’re asking for — the relationship begins to transform.

✨ If you and your partner are ready to deepen communication, rebuild safety, and learn the art of true listening, I have a few couples coaching packages open right now.

I’d love to support your growth together.

🕊️ DM me “COUPLES” or tap the link in bio to begin.

10/16/2025

Because being in relationship is such a sacred journey of coming home to ourselves.

To understanding our own reactivity.

To recognizing what we’ve inherited, what we’ve experienced in early life, and how those experiences still live in our bodies and behaviors.

Our partners give us the most extraordinary opportunity to grow — to become more skillful, more refined, more conscious.

To become better people, better lovers, better friends.

When you’re in a healthy partnership with someone who’s showing up to love you well, and you’re both willing to take responsibility for your own experience — you create the conditions for love to thrive.

It’s easy to point the blame, to make the person we love the most “the problem.” That’s protective but it doesn’t serve what our deepest hearts desire.

The real work, and the most empowering step — is learning to pause, reflect, and regulate before responding.

To share impact, not accusation.

To stay connected even when it’s hard.

That’s how we create relationships that are both safe and alive.

✨ If you and your partner are ready to do this work together — to deepen trust, repair ruptures, and build a love that grows you both — I have a few limited couples coaching packages available right now.

I would be honored to support your connection and your growth together.

🕊️ Apply or learn more via the link in bio / DM me “COUPLES” to start the conversation.

10/14/2025

Deep intimacy isn’t built on just eye gazing, vulnerable shares, or being sensitive to each other’s wounds.

It’s built on the emotional safety that allows the youngest, sweetest, and silliest parts of us to come alive with each other.

Without play, a relationship’s life force isn’t fully activated. The ability to let go so much that you laugh, joke, and are silly together is the result of trust, safety, and depth that’s been laid in the foundation of love.

So if you’re wondering if your relationship is truly healthy, don’t just look at how “intimate” it feels in the traditional sense. Look at how much fun you have. Notice how easy it is for you to laugh together.

And if you want to cultivate more of what it takes to create this version of partnership, join the waitlist for The Couples Lab.

✨ You’ll be the first to know when doors open. Spots are limited to an intimate group, and they’ll go quickly.

Link in bio or DM me to discuss!

10/07/2025

If this hits, you’ll love what’s coming in Couples Lab — my 2026 program for couples ready to transform conflict into connection, and safety into spark.

Join the waitlist to be the first to know when doors open.

✨ [link in bio] ✨

10/05/2025

As a couples therapist, a part of me cringes every time I hear a couple say they were up until 4 a.m. processing something — or that a conversation went on for hours.

In my view, that’s never a sign of healthy communication.

It’s a sign of two people desperately trying to repair something through poor communication — and not knowing how to get themselves out of it.

It can seem like the longer you talk about it, the closer you’ll get to what you need from it.

But the truth is — the longer it goes on, the more you can be sure that less is actually happening.

When you’re dysregulated, the conversation stops being about connection and starts being about control — trying to think your way back to safety instead of feeling your way there.

The best tip I can give you after over a decade working with couples:
Notice when you’re in the spiral.
Then be committed to interrupting it — to soothing yourself enough so that you can come back together from a regulated place.

That’s when communication actually liberates what needs it. ❤️‍🔥

10/04/2025

💔 Nothing shuts down love faster than blame.

The moment blame enters, empathy drops, defenses rise, and intimacy disappears.

That’s why inside Couples Lab, I’ll teach you my 3-Step Formula for turning blame into connection:

✨ From Blame → Accountability → Impact.

A simple but profound shift that changes how you repair, communicate, and stay close — whether you’re in a relationship now or preparing for one.

This is advanced relational work, but it’s learnable. And once you know how, you’ll never look at conflict the same way again.

👫 For couples who want to thrive.
🌹 For singles who want to prepare for healthy love.

Join the Couples Lab waitlist today to be the first to know when doors open.

Link in bio or DM me directly! 🔥

09/25/2025

Manifesting love isn’t just about calling it in. It’s about becoming the version of yourself who can hold it once it arrives.

Because partnership isn’t just magic. It’s devotion.

It asks you to:
💫 Face the old wounds that surface.
💫 Take an honest look at your patterns.
💫 Practice repair, accountability, and vulnerability over and over again.

When you can trust yourself to meet those moments with humility, courage, and an open heart—that’s when you know you’re ready. ❤️

✨ It’s here! ✨
The Couples Lab doors are officially open 💫

This is a first-of-its-kind space to practice the skills of love and connection—whether you’re in partnership or preparing for one. 💕

👫 For couples: strengthen your bond, repair ruptures, and deepen intimacy.

🌹 For singles: prepare your heart, uncover patterns, and practice the tools of conscious relationship now.

⚡ Early Bird Pricing ends Sunday at midnight—don’t wait if you know this is for you!

Link in bio to claim your seat! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Dr. Rachel

10/23/2025

10/22/2025

10/20/2025

10/17/2025

10/16/2025

10/16/2025

10/14/2025

10/07/2025

10/05/2025

10/04/2025

09/25/2025

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