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Poetry of a Traveling Heart by Jennifer Margeson, Orlando, Orlando, FL (2025)

10/23/2024

You soothed me with your every word.
You made me feel for a time I was finally heard.
People where drawn to you like a mouth to a flame. Oh a popular monster.
You played some really ruthless games.
You laughed as you drove me almost insane.
Telling me it wasn't true.
The whole time knowing what you really would do. Oh a popular monster.
You shattered my home, my heart and my life.
You all but took and twisted that knife.
But to everyone you claimed innocent.
Smiled while lying in such arrogance.
No one saw who you really where.
The coldness, the user, the total destroyer..
Oh such a popular monster.
You came to be a jekyll and hide.
To every one sweet but behind doors that's a lie. Willing to destroy and take all that you can but outward you pointed fingers and said I'm such a good man.
Such a popular monster.
You shattered my dreams, my heart and my hopes. Whispering to others you knew not why I was at the end of my rope. The triangulation, projection, lies and deception while discarding me off playing the victim. Oh such a popular monster. I begged and I pleaded just leave me my life. Some people I trusted, some people to lean on but no you wouldn't leave one not even one. You're still the popular monster.
You took up my hobbies, my family, my friends. Oh but how good you could pretend. It took me some time but I'm getting back on my feet. You left me with nothing but at least I can see... you are nothing but a popular monster.

09/08/2024

KNOW this.

Before you choose infidelity, know this:
You will break her.
Like the violent shattering of glass as it crashes to the ground.
You will not just break her heart.
You will break her trust.
You will break her spirit.
You will break her joy.
You will break her belief in love.
You will break her sense of self.

Before you choose infidelity, know this:
She will not sleep—not through the night, as she relives the memories over and over at 3 am, seeking answers she will never find.

She will not eat—not by choice, but because she can’t stomach her reality or the thoughts of texts and images that haunt the corners of her mind.
She will not smile—not because there’s nothing to smile for, but because she doesn’t know what these things are anymore.

Before you choose infidelity, know this:
It will teach her to hear “You are beautiful,” as “but not beautiful enough.”
It will teach her to hear “You are brilliant,” as “but not brilliant enough.”
It will teach her to hear “You mean the world to me,” as “but one person is not enough.”
It will teach her to hear “You are the love of my life,” as “but I don’t love you enough.”
It will teach her to hear “You are enough,” as “but you are still not good enough to satisfy me.”

Before you choose infidelity, know this:
She will cry.
She will stand in the kitchen cooking for your children tears streaming silently down her face , disorientated by the constant tormenting images swirling in her mind.
She will share with her friend’s and some will turn their backs on her , too confronted by her grief, abandoning her when she needs them most.
She will get a lump in her throat anytime she thinks of past places that used to be yours until she decides these places are no longer sacred.
She will rage.
She will explode at friends & family for no apparent reason at all. When they are stung by her anger, she will feel deep shame.
She will curse at her reflection as she’s brushing her teeth, and think if only she were prettier, funnier, skinnier-if only she were more, it would have made a difference.
She will throw a picture frame at the wall, and be too dumbfounded to clean the blood off her finger when she cuts it picking up the pieces.
She will scream into the wind by the river, wondering what she did to deserve feeling this way, hoping her words will carry far enough to be heard by someone—anyone—who can tell her.
She will not feel.
She will be turned by shock into the same stone she uses to build walls to keep people out.
She will be numbed in new ways that her hopeful heart had not known to be possible.
And then she will feel everything at once.
She will feel devalued, discarded, disassembled, disillusioned, distraught—she will feel bewildered and betrayed.
She will feel foolish, frenetic, fraught and full of fear.
She will feel hate—toward you, toward them, toward herself.
She will choke on her own confusion as she tries to hold on, yet yearns to let go.

Before you choose infidelity, know this:
She believed in you.
She believed in romance—and that a chivalrous manner meant chivalry in all manners of the heart.
She believed in honesty—and that being honest with your partner first meant being honest with yourself.
She believed in respect—and that a love respected meant not being gaslighted, nor played a fool.
She believed in goodness—and that being good meant working on being good together, even when it was not easy to do.
She believed you would protect her—and that being protected did not mean hiding the truth.
She believed in you—and that believing in you, believing in each other, meant the mutual support of a two-person team through the ups, downs and everything in between.

Before you choose infidelity, know this:
These are all avoidable.
You have a choice.
You can choose to walk away.
You can choose to let her leave, on her own accord.
You can give her a choice.

03/23/2024

I dont want to know you on a superficial level, I want to crawl into all your dark places with you. I want to know what keeps you up at night. I want to run my fingers over every crack in your heart. I want to know what has made you cry and not just tears of pain, regrets or joy but tears that reached onto your soul and you felt they never would end. I want to learn who you really are, what makes you tick, what makes you dance like there is no tomorrow. I want to know how hard you've tried at love. The moments that took your breath away. The things that light up your smile till even your eyes sparkle. And one day I will find someone who wishes to know me to the same depths. When that day comes I know I will have a relationship that together we will be unstoppable. Till then I want to know you.

10/22/2023

She looked back, she didn't even remember what the argument was all about. She knew it was not more important than the love they shared for years. She looked into the future all she could see is she wanted to be by his side. She wanted to go back to the life they had before this started and bring it back for tomorrow. She wanted to say I love you each morning, she wanted to be his biggest fan, she wanted to tell him each day how much she appreciated everything he did, even the lines on his eyes when he smiled. She wanted it all back, his kindness, love, him being the rock that stood beside her through anything. She wanted it back, the peace, the laughter, the times away creating memories. She just wanted them back to who they where and had always been. She thought and as tears rolled down her face she exclaimed what ever this was right now, how ever this disagreement started it was not worth it. She didn't want to argue, she didn't even care who started it all she cared about is saying she was sorry. Sorry because nothing said, nothing done here and now, worth loosing what they have. She wanted to say I'm sorry because she knew they could put this behind them and have back all they had once again, each and everyday. She wanted to say I'm sorry because she wanted to move past it, right now. It wasnt worth loosing another minute of what they where and always been together. She wanted to say I'm sorry because they where more important than this bump in the road all they shared for years more valuable than anything. It was real, it was right, it was what others only dreamed of and that was more important than ego from preventing her from saying I'm sorry, let's put it behind us and move on to everything we where and everything we can be right now. Why because love not worth loosing over ego.

07/15/2023

This life is a curious thing, in others death and silence most laugh and most sing. In others pain and brokenness ignorance be wear like ring. A brothers keeper we are no more, to wrongs and silence we've become a w***e. Those we care about left to rot, those dealing misdeeds we watch but give no thought or even worse do we give loud applaud. A tethered, torchered soul to what she become, good things unnoticed and her pain to be shunned. That ghost that Haunts her slithering through life carried with him the deepest cutting most loving a knife to which once struck from she walks in agony forward each day of her life. Cut so deep, though to no one it matters. Though with the snake that cast poison they feed him like a God from the silverest and golden of platters. He was a traveler and her his forever shield maiden that vowed to be beside him and her love and dedication could never be taken. She did so for years but in neigh but but weekends of hidden silence, making up less than 20 days no one sees the sickness of the vows snuck in, made and with haste. But they sure cast a stone to that dedicated shield Maiden for the pain and the brokenness to dust made from bone to which she was now leiden. A soul stolen away, to which she was left for no reason, never a fight or discord not even for a season. She catered and loved that years long beside traveler, she poured in him her heart and gave him her power. She feed his heart. His soul and his family, brought him his dreams and spoke of him.proudly. She begged for his smiles to which she adored, her love and dedication for him she seeped upon him from every of her pores. She would not have ever stepped away, in fact to fulfill his dreams was all she still craved. Now it is her that is left but a ghost, for it is daily her head he haunts most. And all he calls friends and even his family who should see the chains he does sickly struggle and carry concerns in their head they to like him do they bury. That sheild maiden would give even of her dust to have him beside her or at least free from the chains rattling around him. To have him full of who he was once before and it angries her his friends and family to his chains they ignore. So tell me what have humans become when this is what we do to those that should matter leave them to cause, feel or make incredible pain look on and let it happen or not say not even a word or take up and praise this traveling man when something has clearly broken in he and yet they stand laughing at the shield maidens pain tell her she's crazy for wanting all around them both to be humane. Dont tell me also no sides where to be taken because as she laid there dying dust turning to dirt you still sat there not just ignoring her but encouraged the traveler to murder them both and applauded the fall of this plays fall of the curtain.

06/20/2023

Im hearing ghosts of the past that I chained up inside myself or allowed others to chain in me. I hear them lurking and they do haunt me lately, begging to be set free.

Not all ghosts deserve to be chained, stilled, or quited. These are not here to remind me of dark things or dark times but rather to remind me of the light, love, free spirit I use to be. Hope I once had and love I once knew possible.

They show me visions of who I once was and how full of life and energy I use to be. They show me how full of hope I was and the strength of love that flowed openly from me.

Yes, these are the ghosts I chained up in me, these are the ghosts yearning to be free.

I once did not keep these ghosts stiffened, silenced within me or chained as I have for far to long. In fact once they where the essence of being that breathing life into my song.

They where vivacious, trusting, loving and even saw beauty in things and others, others did not see. No wonder their chaines are rattling begging to be set free. They where never meant to be chained especially inside of me.

Today I start hunting these ghosts and releasing the chains that I've bound them with. Today I unbind their chains letting them free to breath life, love, and freedom of my spirit, back into me.

Today I start searching to bring these ghosts back to Life, to let the beautiful song they helped me sing vertebrate once more from my being.

Today, I come back to Life. My spirit set free to love and live again. May these ghosts forgive me for sending them to their dark and early grave and may they bring back the person I once was, free, loving, hopeful and whom I crave.

May the chains that bind them turn to instruments that help me sing my beautiful song. A song I let die inside me far, far to long.

Bring me to life, set me free, the way God meant me to be.
Bring me to life and unharden my heart, Bring me to life full of love to empart.

Bring me to life, full of love, joy and hope,
not just this dark mear existence I've lived in, thinking it helped me to cope.

Bring me to life, to dance once more in wild abandon. One that knows love and faith i can stand in.

Bring me to life, full of love and compassion. Adorned with God's grace and hope my heart to be fashioned

Bring me to life, Bring me to life, free to be me. Bring me to life, bring me to life, may my ghosts breath my life and spirit back unto me.

©️ JENNIFER Jen Brat Margeson
Poetry of a Traveling Heart
6/20/2023

05/24/2023

She walked in while at the bottom of dispair.
She put on no pretenses, no fake smiles, no airs.
She stood in her rawness, very few could handle, drawn to find strength like a moth to a candle.
You saw her naked, in her moments of weakness, and judged her for being human, for what you thought her moments of bleakness.
What you didn't care to see, was beneath all of her pain, was a woman who had stood through many storms and hard rain.
A woman who was fighting to get out of the shadows or had broke away from the people who tried condemning her to the gallows.
She was beauty and strength;
Love and devotion,
Filled with commitment and had a heart as deep as the ocean.
She was a vibrant light, still shining under lifes ashes, putting one foot in front of the other despite all of the lashes.
Had you taken a moment and looked in her eyes you would have found love and compassion carefully disguised.
For where you saw weakness, there was a great strength, a woman full of love who would go to great lengths.
She went through much healing, and digging out of the dirt, and was standing before you newly reborn, just coming out of the earth.
Had you just paused for a moment and not judged her appearance, watered her in love, kindness and endearence; you would have discovered a friend, or a lover, an ally that would have stood beside you, waiting for you too to be uncovered.
Who wouldn't have judged you despite your own dirt, knowing too well, you to, where just digging out of the earth.
So before you judge on the baggage people carry, maybe you should stop and show some compassion, understanding, why they may tarry.
Because, maybe alone it's to much weight for them to bare and that is why she appeared with no airs.
For many times when you help people unfetter their load, the most beautiful, greatful, strong people stand before you exposed.
For had they not gone through their pain and their hurt, and wallowed around in life's complicated dirt; they wouldnt have grown and discovered their way, nor would they have more compassion for you here on this day.
Life can be dirty, complicated, a mess, but to you I ask and behest...
Instead of standing there judging people in the middle of their weakness, pull up a chair and sit in some meekness.
Maybe it's all but an ear you can lend, but an ear may be all someone needs in the end.
Drop all of the judgement, arrogance and pomp, help loosen their load and their baggage will drop.
Being a friend in these times really does matter, and maybe you'll find a friendship or love that will last and wont easily shatter.
For you are not any better than her, you've been through your own hell and had things to endure.
We all handle things different, and bear different loads; and your way may not be her way, but still healing exposed.
I hope you remember, what I've said on this day, because in judgement this world has badly decade. In compassion comes healing and we all have healing to do and I pray 10 times your compassion is returned unto you.

©️ By Jennifer Brat Margeson
Poetry of a Traveling Heart.

05/04/2023

She grew tired.

What you don't understand is she grew tired.
She grew tired doing it all by herself.
She got tired of giving her heart out to have the men walk away just throwing her heart on a shelf.
She got tired of loving as hard as she could to be fooled in the end.
She got tired.
She got tired of loyalty being just a word
She got tired love was never a verb
She got tired of people lying to her face
She got tired of emotionally empty friendly embrace.
She got tired.
She got tired of asking for help
She got tired of all the pain that she felt.
She got tired of hoping against hope that there where true people in her life that would help her to cope.
She got tired.
She got tired of being there when everyone else needed but when she was in need everyone receded.
She got tired of wearing a smile when she needed a hug
She got tired of hiding her pain like a thug.
She only wanted comfort in the midst of all this rain instead she got left with no umbrella standing in the cold rain.
So, she got tired.
Not tired as in she needed a rest
Tired as in she needed God to say blessed.
She got tired
She got tired of just trying to hang on
Yet tears rolled down her face with a song.
She got tired of just wanting to be held
Instead down the rabbit hole both feet first she fell. There was no more wondering what to do to get by. No more putting her hands to the sky. She decided to take it all in
Smaller, then bigger, then tired again
She new she was tired but in spite of being alone she new she had to get up and carry it home. So, as tired as she was and weak at her knees she picked herself up, because she knew to someone someday she'd matter so she picked herself up like going to party with the madhatter. She put on a smile, as fake as it was. Put her foot forward and took that first step and thought of the people that had lied and cheated her without any regret. She took another step forward and vowed to take more because though she was tired and feeling all alone she knew it was the love for herself that would carry her home.

03/01/2023

Thank you for judging me for falling apart over something you too would have fallen apart over.
Thank you for ignoring me when I just needed your freindship..
Thank you for avoiding my tears when I just needed someone to say I see them, I understand. I'm here for you and I hear you.
Thank you for making me feel like not only my emotions where wrong but expressing them even worse. I felt like a monster just for feeling.
I felt like there was something wrong with me for crying.
Thank you for making me believe anger is unexeptable I learned to live with more abuse than I should have and not to have boundaries.
Thank you for making me feel I couldn't be human because I tried to silence my humanism and turned on myself.
Thank you for telling me to just get over it though it was still causing things in my life to fall apart and unravel day after day but you didn't care to see it still clawing at me. It was a murderer you ignored but I was the one being poisoned day in and day out...listening to you telling me it's medicine just swallow. I swallowed and swallowed believing it will just make me stronger while every new spoonful destroyed me internally.
I thought there was something wrong with me but it was only you couldn't deal with my tears. I thought I was crazy but you couldn't face the lies and betrayel you told me to swallow with a smile.
Funny how people are isn't it? Expecting you to be alright with something they would not be alright with. How people tell you to let being lied to, abused, ignored, betrayed, rejected just roll of your back when they know they them to would struggle against its weight especially on their heart. Funny how we all have emotions yet no one allowed to feel them or voice them but "them". No wonder the world such a cold, dark, lonely place... when the only one we allow to have their emotions is ourselves and the only one that we owe support to is ourselves then no one is there for no one.

Well I'm going to live... I'm going to have my emotions and feel hurt and anger when I'm hurt and angered because it's only through feeling do we process and move on. Not stifling our feelings down and ignoring the truth of what has been done or gone through. Stop judging people for feelings that you yourself have and stop judging people for falling apart for something you to would fall apart over. We may all fall apart different but we all fall apart.

So thank you... for showing me the people I don't want to be. On to the people that support me being me even if that's when I'm emotional.

By Jen Brat Margeson

12/02/2022

She didn't lose herself...
She slowly gave pieces of herself away.
What's sad is while she was giving the pieces to people she loved, cared for, she would never hurt...
They walked away with the pieces without a care in the world what it would do to her. They walked away taking sometimes the biggest prices they could hold on too.
Their was the man that took a chunk with his infidelity and lies.
The friend that took some little by little leaning on her but when she needed them couldn't be bothered.
There where the people that she laughed with and celebrated for that disappeared leaving her wondering what she did wrong.
Thats the worst. Wondering whats wrong with you when its others that have no loyalty, compassion, heart.
Whats really sad is she still loved some of these people even when they where gone. She gave them pieces she could never get back. They took pieces of her trust. .so much she couldn't find any to give.
They took her loyalty to the point she was afraid to give it to anyone..because it hurt so bad when those peices left her body only to end up in the trash.
They took her ability to feel safe with people.
They took all she could lift them up and then kicked the chair from underneath her till she landed with a thud on the ground.
She wanted to love.
She wanted to believe.
She wanted to trust.
She wanted to lift others up.
What she wanted most though was to recover those peices she gave others that didn't give a darn what they did to her.
She wanted her life back..
She wanted her heart back...
But maybe not... because she would give it all away all over again because she really did love all she gave her heart too.
She now is giving that love to herself.
Rebuilding each piece that was taken of her little by little. She knew it was risky. She knew she'd give pieces out again...
To friends
A lover
Family
Someone struggling
But what she would not do is give away the part of her that loved herself again.. that was hers and it was the most valuable price of all. If you read this and took a piece and didn't care if it hurt may you to find the love for yourself you lost somewhere on the way. Because only hurt people hurt people.

06/23/2022

With tears in my eyes as I weep for this world a place that has lost all humanity. Neighbors against neighbors and brothers against brother with a blatant disregarded for the life of another. To be right all the time and never admit wrong, and hate rolling out mouths like lyrics to a song. Division has spread from one to another that all truth has been buried for none to discover. Hate for the truth and love for the lies as long as it fits into ones distinct alibis. Children are raised to hear not a word while they raise them to also speak out the obscured. No longer a thin line between love and to hate just look and each other and scream and debate. Your life for a word said or a difference can leave you dead and never any remorse to be felt. The humans have lost all humanity and would rather live in their own vanity. An eye for an eye and a lie for a lie as long as it fits into your own objective. Oh forgive us our father for they know what they do and they have chosen to turn on each other. The nashing of teeth and blood on their hands has become all to acceptable but not one will face the truth of their lies and that the death of humanity is inevitable.

By Jen Brat Margeson

08/03/2021

She needed to Forgive Herself.

She needed to forgive herself for loving people that didn't love her.
She needed to forgive herself for trusting her feelings that actually came from her wounded child.
She needed to forgive herself for believing that many of the people she let in loved her like she loved them.
She needed to forgive herself for confusing love with fear.
She needed to forgive herself for believing it was her job to heal everyone she had a relationship with.
She needed to forgive herself for making excuses for people that where unhealthy for her.
She needed to forgive herself for her feelings of unworthiness that led her to accept abuse.
She needed to forgive herself for chasing after people that couldn't see her worth.
She needed to forgive herself for believing she was responsible for everyone's behavior.
She needed to forgive herself from trying to be everyone's savior.
She needed to forgive herself for believing her worth was in other people's hands.
She needed to forgive herself for refusing to draw her lines within the sand.
She needed to forgive herself for believing her love had to be proven through allowing control and in silence.
She needed to forgive herself for normalizing the violence.
She needed to forgive herself for having to be a people pleaser only because she was afraid if not that they would get up and leave her.
She needed to forgive herself for failing to ask for own needs and then holding on until her fingers bleed.
She needed to forgive herself for her own self-doubt when people walked away instead of knowing it was their own fault and inability to say what they had to say.
She needed to forgive herself for always putting others first even when she gave all she had and they just left her in the dirt.
She needed to forgive herself for believing others lies and that she saw herself through other peoples eyes.
She needed to forgive herself for putting all she was in other peoples hands and now its time to stand straight up and scream real loud I decide who I Am. I will no longer let others take away my power. I will no longer fall with other people's tower. I know now and completely understand i am the only one who ever decides who the hell I Am.

Poetry of a Traveling Heart by Jennifer Margeson

10/23/2024

09/08/2024

03/23/2024

10/22/2023

07/15/2023

06/20/2023

05/24/2023

05/04/2023

03/01/2023

12/02/2022

06/23/2022

08/03/2021

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