11/19/2025
I’ve been at this Doula game for over 16 years personally and I’ve seen some s*%+. Times have changed for the better, mostly in central FL but not for every family and not for every community. What we are witnessing in this video and a few others that have been shared since I have witnessed with my own two eyes, one too many times. Almost always mothers of color and almost always one specific facility locally, even with a Doula. If your Doula is encouraging you to switch providers or hospitals, trust us. We’ve seen some things at one facility over others and we’re not shy about it.
I don’t want to parrot all of the things everyone else is also saying, but thanks to the encouragement of a past client of mine, I want to give some tips for how to be an advocate for somebody if you find yourself a support person at a birth or medical emergency. Not all Doula‘s advocate (that’s a soap box for later), not everyone has or wants a Doula with them and that’s OK. I should note, I rarely have to do this anymore as we give little grace for this and nip it in the bud early.
-Be the bulldog. Don’t take no for an answer. Go get help higher up. Rock the boat. Shout and make one hell of a scene. Call out the abuse as you see it and don’t sugarcoat it to the waiting room of people behind you and the nurses station. The second you do that, others start recording as well.
-“Why are you refusing to take her pain seriously? She’s pushing and suffering, who cares what her due date is” “Someone come help us, this nurse isn’t helping/listening and its an emergency”
-At the nurses station, “We decline care from this nurse, please bring in another one willing to provide care”
-There are gloves on almost every wall in the medical facility. Grab gloves and become that person’s fill in Midwife if need be.
-Run out to the nurses station and ask for patient advocacy manager to come immediately and ask the charge nurse and nurse manager to come and assist.
-Come in with a prepared printed “nurses-cheat-sheet” (ours is in the pictures) with all moms details on it so they have as much of the important information they need so they can get you through quicker and mom can keep laboring away with out being pestered and slowed down.
-Don’t be afraid to name drop or call a friend who works there if you have the connection. a nurse, a midwife or even a admin who’s better connected. It helps even if it’s tacky.
-Play the long game. Get your prenatal care from a local midwife who does collaborative care. That way, they can help set you up for success when it is go time and help get you through. That being said, they will also likely steer you away from he hospitals knows for this behavior.
Arm your support system with these tools if you don’t have a Doula or one who is comfortable advocating. Especially if you are a black or brown mother. You might not be in a headspace to advocate for yourself so this is the next best thing.
