06/24/2024
Good read!
Our goal with the inner critic is not to silence or knock them out of our heads—that’s not the most realistic or skillful approach. Instead, we’re looking to cultivate a more spacious relationship to this voice in our lives. Perhaps neither believing it unquestioningly, nor repeating a cycle of endlessly punishing ourselves for it.
The first step is recognizing the voice of the inner critic as you move throughout your day. The critic lives in a world of absolutes, with little room for nuance or gray areas. Their favorite words are should, always and never, and blame is their operating system. "You’ve blown it, you always do.” “You should just give up." “You’re so different, no one will ever love you.” “You’re so flawed, you'll never be able to help yourself, let alone anybody else.” For some the inner critic is a specific voice from the past, a family member, a teacher, the boss who fired you.
Experiment with giving your inner critic a persona: a name or a wardrobe. This will create a little space between you and help you focus on your relationship to your inner critic, which is the arena of transformation.
The more you notice that relationship, the more you can choose how you’d like to engage and not be on autopilot. Instead of utterly believing them or frantically pushing them away, you can recognize ‘Oh, look who is visiting. It’s battling Belinda,” or Judge Arthur” or “whomever” You might weight their comments, to see if they have some validity, or are just replays of old tunes. It doesn’t work to try to fight them, or insist they go away. But it doesn’t make sense to just give in to that repetitive, habituated negative voice.
You can experiment with different ways of managing them compassionately.
I named my own inner critic Lucy, after a Peanuts cartoon I saw years ago. Lucy was telling Charlie Brown, “The problem with you is that you’re you.” With mindfulness, I’ve learned to respond to her with “Hi, Lucy” or “Chill out, Lucy.” This way, I avoid overreacting “You’re right Lucy, I’m worthless,” or “I cant believe I’ve been meditating this long and horrible Lucy still comes.”