11/17/2021
Big, open, honest, raw post warning
I keep track of my mental health by my selfie taking.
That may sound so absurd, but let me explain.
I come from a family line that has mental health issues. I have struggled pretty much most of my life with the ups and downs of depression, anxiety, at one time I was diagnosed bipolar (who the eff isnt?), I have adhd which I guess makes me "neurodivergent" (ugh this open raw part is actually difficult). Take all that, throw a cute little plethora of spiritual "gifts" bow on it and sometimes it gets a bit...much.
I cant control it.
Sometimes I'm fine and other times im looking at the world through a periscope from the depths of the darkness; just waiting to feel the same sun I can see everyone else basking in.
But most times mental health is sneaky. It doesnt roar for me like it may for others. Its very quiet and builds very slowly. It is the dripping of a single drop of water from a hole in the ceiling time and time again until all of a sudden the bucket that was catching it is full and now water is spilling all over my damn floor. When did my bucket get full? Where did all this water come from? And how the hell do I clean up this huge mess now that my bucket has failed to contain those tiny droplets of water that has turned into a flood?
If I can catch on to the fact that I'm slipping a little- then I'm in a better position to take the steps I need to take in order to be well again.
I do this by keeping track of my selfies.
If my mental health is good, I FEEL good. Not just about the world- but about myself. And what do I do when I'm feeling good about myself? I. Take. Selfies.
I've known I haven't been *quite* feeling like me lately, so I checked my camera roll. The last photo I took of myself was October 15th.
Over a month ago.
Before that it was August 12th.
Thats three full months.
In 3 months I have only felt like taking selfies twice.
So this is me- Realizing that its time I emptied some water from my bucket, put away my periscope and crawl my way out of this darkness so that I once again can feel the sun on my skin.
While I'm taking care of the things I have to do to start feeling better-i hope you are taking inventory of your well being. And if you find that sneaky little leak is starting to fill up your bucket...im always here for you. ❤