01/19/2026
Narcissists don’t have exes. They have survivors and current victims. There is no third category.
Because normal people have exes. People they dated, it didn’t work out, they moved on, maybe stayed friendly or maybe didn’t, but it ended like normal relationships end.
With closure. With both people moving forward. With acknowledgment that it just wasn’t a good fit.
But narcissists? They don’t do normal endings. They don’t have mutual breakups or amicable splits. They have people who finally escaped and people who haven’t figured out they need to yet. That’s it. Those are the only two options.
The “exes” are survivors. People who made it out. People who finally saw through the manipulation. People who recognized the patterns and chose themselves.
People who are now healing from trauma they didn’t even know they were experiencing while they were in it. People who left and are still processing what they survived.
And the current partners? They’re not in relationships. They’re in training for becoming survivors. They’re living through the same cycle. The same manipulation.
The same gaslighting. The same hot and cold. The same love bombing followed by devaluation. They just haven’t realized it yet. Or they have and they’re stuck in the trauma bond.
Either way, they’re victims. Not because they’re weak, but because narcissists are predators. They target. They manipulate. They groom.
They create dependency. They isolate. They make you question reality. They make you think the problem is you. They make leaving feel impossible.
And here’s what narcissists do well. They convince the new supply that everyone before them was the problem. That all their exes were crazy, toxic, obsessed, unstable.
They paint every survivor as a villain. They rewrite history to make themselves the perpetual victim of everyone who had the audacity to hold them accountable or walk away.
So the current victim looks at the survivors and thinks “wow, he really did have bad luck with crazy people.” They think they’re different. Special.
The one who finally understands him. The one who won’t make the mistakes everyone else made. The one who can love him right.
But they’re not different. They’re just next. They’re just living the same pattern with a person who will never change. They’re just the current chapter in a book that always ends the same way, with someone either escaping or staying stuck.
There is no third category. There are no narcissists with healthy, mutual, respectful breakups in their past. There are no narcissists who treated their exes well and just grew apart naturally. That doesn’t exist in their world.
Because narcissists don’t see people as people. They see them as supply. As sources of attention, validation, control. And when that supply dries up or tries to leave, they don’t let go gracefully. They punish. They smear. They hoover. They try to destroy anyone who dares to stop serving their needs.
So their exes aren’t exes. They’re survivors. People who got out and are rebuilding their lives, their self-worth, their understanding of what love actually is.
People who are in therapy unpacking layers of abuse they didn’t even recognize as abuse. People who are learning to trust themselves again after having their reality constantly questioned.
And the current partners aren’t partners. They’re victims in progress. They’re experiencing the same cycle (idealization, devaluation, discard) that everyone before them experienced.
They’re just in a different phase of it. Maybe still in the love bombing stage where everything feels perfect. Maybe in the devaluation stage where they’re confused about what changed.
Maybe in the discard stage where they’re desperately trying to get back to how it used to be.
But wherever they are in the cycle, they’re not in a healthy relationship. They’re in a pattern.
A predictable, destructive pattern that will end one of two ways: they’ll either become a survivor too, or they’ll stay and become a long-term victim, cycling through those
phases forever.
That’s it. Those are the only options. Survivor or current victim. There is no third category where someone dated a narcissist and it just naturally ended well with mutual respect and growth. That doesn’t happen. Can’t happen. Because narcissists don’t operate that way.
They don’t have normal relationship endings because they don’t have normal relationships. They have arrangements. Power dynamics. Supply sources. Control scenarios.
And when those end, it’s not because of incompatibility or growing apart. It’s because someone either escaped or got discarded for fresh supply.
So when you hear a narcissist talk about all their “crazy exes,” what you’re really hearing is a list of survivors. People who saw the truth and got out. People who refused to keep playing the game. People who chose themselves over the toxicity.
And when you see them with someone new, someone who seems happy and in love and convinced they’re different? You’re looking at the current victim. Someone who hasn’t figured it out yet.
Someone who’s being sold the same lies you were sold. Someone who will eventually either join the survivor club or stay stuck in the cycle.
There is no in-between. No “we dated and it was fine.” No “amicable split.” No “just wasn’t right for each other.” Just survivors who escaped and victims who haven’t yet.
And if you’re reading this as a survivor, know this: You’re not crazy. You’re not toxic. You’re not any of the things they said you were.
You’re someone who survived something most people can’t even understand. And the fact that you got out? That makes you stronger than you realize.
And if you’re reading this as a current victim, still in it, still hoping it’ll get better, still thinking you can fix it: You can’t. It won’t. And you’re not experiencing love. You’re experiencing a cycle that will continue until you choose to step off it.
Narcissists don’t have exes. They have survivors and current victims. Which one are you? And more importantly, which one are you going to choose to be?