Strength to Change Illinois

Strength to Change Illinois A Group for Family and Friends who are concerned about the addiction or drug problem of another Effective leadership is highly valued in Nar-Anon.

Nar-Anon's Twelve Steps

1.We admitted we were powerless over the addict -- that our lives have become unmanageable.

2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Nar-Anon's Twelve Traditions


1.Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity.

2.For our group purposes there is but one authority -- a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants -- they do not govern.

3.The relatives of addicts, when gathered for mutual aid, may call themselves a Nar-Anon Family Group, provided that as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of addiction in a relative or friend.

4.Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other Nar-Anon Family Groups, or NA as a whole.

5.Each Nar-Anon Family Group has but one purpose; to help families of addicts. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of Nar-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our addicted relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of addicts.

6.Our Family Groups ought never to endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim; but although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Narcotics Anonymous.

7.Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8.Nar-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9.Our groups, as such ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10.The Nar-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11.Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, internet and other forms of mass media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all NA members.

12.Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Nar-Anon's Twelve Concepts


Just as freedom for the individual comes from the Twelve Steps and freedom for the group springs from the Twelve Traditions, so freedom for the service structure flourishes from the Twelve Concepts.


1. To fulfill our fellowship’s primary purpose, the Nar-Anon Family Groups have joined together to create a structure that develops, coordinates, and maintains services on behalf of Nar-Anon as a whole.

2. The final responsibility and authority for Nar-Anon services rests with the Nar-Anon Family Groups.

3. The Nar-Anon Family Groups delegate to the service structure the authority necessary to fulfill the responsibilities assigned to it.

4. Leadership qualities should be carefully considered when selecting trusted servants.

5. For each responsibility assigned to the service structure, a single point of decision and accountability should be clearly defined.

6. Group conscience is the spiritual means by which we invite a loving Higher Power to influence our decisions.

7. All members of a service body bear substantial responsibility for that body’s decisions and should be allowed to fully participate in its decision-making processes.

8. Regular, two-way communications are essential to the fulfillment of all these concepts, and to the integrity and effectiveness of our services themselves.

9. All elements of our service structure have the responsibility to carefully consider all viewpoints in their decision-making processes.

10. Any member of a service body can petition that body for the redress of a personal grievance, without fear of reprisal.

11. Nar-Anon funds are used to further our primary purpose to carry the message, and must be managed responsibly.

12. In keeping with the spiritual nature of Nar-Anon, our structure should always be one of service, never of governance. Nar-Anon Family Groups


World Services

Are you codependent?
05/13/2019

Are you codependent?

05/13/2019

How to detach with love.

01/31/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 31
THE THREE Cs
The three Cs are similar to talismans. Their magic and power are available for me at the right moment. When I accept that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I most certainly can't cure someone else, I feel serenity. I have over fifteen years in a twelve step program. My partner has a child who is in active addiction. I find myself wanting to save my partner from suffering, by trying to fix the addict. Indirectly I would be saving myself, as I am greatly affected by my partner's moods. When my partner is sad, I am depressed. My instinct tells me that I need to practice a new way of life. It was suggested that I could learn a better way to live in Nar-Anon. Before Nar-Anon, I would try to fix the addict. I realize now that what I wanted was to make my partner feel better. I would make myself physically sick because I thought I had to be in control of my partner's feelings. I felt that the way to do that was to help her addicted loved one. I felt compelled to fix both situations. I realized that my involvement was putting my recovery in danger. My life was in complete chaos. Today, I am learning to apply the three Cs in a new way, and learning to keep the focus on me. I am now feeling more peace and serenity, and less anxiety.
Thought for Today: I will place myself in the loving arms of my Higher Power. I know that with my Higher Power's help, I will make it. I can hold tight to the three Cs and let them take me on a safe journey. I only have the power to control myself.
"We do not need to search in order to find our true being. We already are it, and the mind which searches for it is the very reason why we cannot find it." ~ Roy Whenary

01/30/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 30
FAITH TO LET GO
The slogan, "Let Go and Let God" has become a tremendous comfort to me. At first, I resisted the idea of letting go of my will and giving it over to a Higher Power. It made no sense to me. As a mother, I felt I was not being loving toward my son if I did not help him when he was in trouble. I felt guilty if I did not rescue him from jail. I kept hearing at meetings to keep an open mind. When I did this, I heard members share how they found the serenity I wanted. Their wisdom, strength, and hope were an inspiration, so I kept listening. Many shared how they found serenity by letting go of self-will and control. This was difficult for me at first, but with practice eventually it became easier. I realized I was not helping by rescuing my son. It was easier for me to "Let Go" than it was to "Let God." Trusting an unseen power was even harder since I was not even sure I believed in a Higher Power. When I let go of my doubts and grabbed on to faith, I found a wonderful calmness. I practice this often and it always brings me serenity.
Thought for Today: My faith keeps growing as I find that by "Letting Go and Letting God," seemingly unsolvable problems are resolved in ways I would not have thought possible.
"If we were logical, the future would be bleak, indeed. But we are more than logical. We are human beings, and we have faith, and we have hope, and we can work." ~ Jacques Yves Cousteau

01/29/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 29
THE EXPECTATION OF PERFECTION IS CONTROL
I expected my children to be perfect, to always do the right thing. I tried to control them by giving them direction and making them do things in a way that I felt was correct! When they didn't, I could not handle it. I could not accept their drug use and felt that their behavior was a reflection on me. I was embarrassed for myself and scared to death for them. I would make big problems out of little ones. I became so distrusting of my children and others that I showed them no respect. I would meddle and invade their privacy by reading their diaries and their mail. I was looking for any excuse to challenge and confront them, thinking this would make them do what I wanted and make them stop using drugs. I was obsessed with their lives. All I could think of was how to change these addicts. When I came to Nar-Anon, I learned that my interference and my attempts at controlling them were actually standing in the way of their recovery. I was not allowing them to change. I was afraid even to let them try. In Nar-Anon, I learned to let go of the control I never had in the first place.
Thought for Today: I will remember to yield a little here and there and "accept the things I cannot change" as it says in the Serenity Prayer.
"Help me find an appropriate balance of responsibility to my children. Help me parent through nurturing and discipline instead of control." ~ Melody Beattie

01/28/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 28
DETACHING WITH LOVE
Living with an active addict is stressful and I constantly feel as though I am walking on eggs. When I harbor a mistaken sense of responsibility for someone else's well-being and safety, when my sanity and well-being is adversely affected by the actions of the addict, when I find myself worrying and losing sleep because the addict is out partying, when I worry that I may say the wrong thing and "cause" him to go back out, then I am not practicing detachment. By detaching with love, I can stop feeling responsible for the addict's well-being and behavior. I have learned in Nar-Anon that addiction is a disease. It is not my fault! I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. I have discovered by practicing detachment that I can relieve myself of the mistaken guilt and responsibility I felt. Walking on eggs always results in broken eggs. Living with an addict causes stress. I think of detachment as a tight rope and the addict as eggs. I use the tight rope to walk above the eggs. I practice walking on the rope so I will not fall and break the eggs, but walking a tight rope is not easy; it takes a lot of practice. At first, I am sure to make mistakes, to slip and break a few eggs. However, if I practice and learn to walk the rope, I will eventually be able to achieve my goal. The same is true for detachment.
Thought for Today: Detachment is one tool I can use to separate myself from the chaos, fear and mistaken responsibility that result from living with active addiction.
"Feel the feeling. Choose the behavior." ~ Charles Rumberg

01/27/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 27
THE Three A's: AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE AND ACTION -
I was aware that my life had become unmanageable, and I was certain that if the addict changed his behavior and stopped using drugs, everything would be perfect. Then I became aware of the fact that my life was unmanageable because I was not managing my life. I was trying to manage the addict's life. By attending Nar-Anon meetings, I learned and accepted that addiction is an illness and that the addict was not the only one suffering from the disease of addiction. I too was suffering from the effects of addiction. With the loving support of my Nar-Anon family group and my acceptance that my Higher Power could do for me what I could not do for myself, I became ready to take the action needed to make my life manageable. I began to practice the Twelve Steps. I sought guidance and the willingness to follow that guidance unconditionally. I healed one day at a time, as I began to attend to my responsibilities and take care of my own illness. I recognized my sick behaviors, attitudes and thinking. I also learned that I needed to stop doing for others what they could do for themselves. I needed to stop judging others, especially the addict. It is not my job to supervise anyone else's recovery. I will no longer enable the addict nor prevent him from avoiding negative consequences. I will stop trying to control the uncontrollable and get out of the way of his recovery.
Thought for Today:
When I become aware of the truth and accept it, I then have choices and the opportunity to take appropriate action.
"Climb up on some hill at sunrise. Everybody needs perspective once in a while, and you'll find it there." ~ Robb Sagendorph

01/26/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 26

KINDNESS
Genuine kindness is difficult to give to another, and virtually impossible if I have not yet learned to receive it. Prior to Nar-Anon, I had trained myself to suspect and question everything, especially an act of kindness. Everything had a price. As a newcomer to the program, I brought with me that "kindness has a price" attitude. I found members who offered me their kindness through sharing, nods, smiles, and even hugs. I wondered what they wanted from me. What was their price? I felt uncomfortable with all of the unconditional kindness. Fortunately, I was encouraged to keep coming back in such a friendly way that I felt that they really wanted me to join. Little by little, I kept coming back, and shared my story, my nods, my smiles, my laughter, and, yes, even my hugs. It made me feel good. I was getting a gift as well as giving one. It took some time, but I finally realized that genuine kindness has no price. To receive a smile, a hug, a shared laugh "just because" is a gift, truly a gift from the heart with no price tag attached.
Thought for Today: Acceptance is the highest form of kindness that I can give. Allowing others to be who they are without my judgment of whether that is good or bad, frees them and me of the burden of trying to change them to meet my expectations.
"We ask only for the grace to release our addicts with love, and cease trying to change them." ~ Nar-Anon Blue Booklet

01/25/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 25
UNMANAGEABLE

I believe that there are two things I must do when taking the First Step. First, I must admit that I am powerless. Addiction is a difficult disease to understand. As the parent of a youngster, I believed that if I did my best, my little loved one would grow into a fine adult. How heartbreaking it was to discover that my child was an addict. I blamed myself. I remembered things I should have done and things I did not do. I tried hard to find out how I could help the addict now and cure this dreadful disease of addiction. I had to accept that I was powerless. I did not do anything to make the addict use and I could not do anything to make the addict stop. This caused my life to become unmanageable. Second, in Nar-Anon I must accept that my life is unmanageable and in need of improvement. The only person I can help is me. I can attend a meeting, share and listen. I can pray each day that my Higher Power will help me to know what I need to change.
Thought for Today: Accepting my powerlessness over others and taking the action I need to make my life manageable are things I can do.
"People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims unless they develop a greater vision for their lives." ~ Stedman Graham

01/24/2017

SESH Daily Reading for January 24
NOT EASY TO ACCEPT
In Step One, "I admitted that I was powerless over the addict and my life had become unmanageable." I now know that I am powerless over people, places and things. Powerlessness is not easy to accept. Feeling powerless took my breath away! Most of my life I have been on my own and in control of my life - at least I thought I had control. I thought there was not much I could not do, so being powerless was something I could not accept easily. When addiction came into my life and turned me upside down, luckily I found Nar-Anon! In the Nar-Anon program, I learned that I could admit I am powerless. Step One reminded me that I have no power over other people's lives. It also suggested that my attempt to control others was making my life unmanageable. When I come to Nar-Anon and honestly share my anxiety and my frustration at my inability to accept the "unacceptable," I open the way for help from the group and the power is present. I find it is okay to be powerless because I have a Higher Power in charge!
Thought for Today: When there is nothing I can do to help the addict or others, I can share my feelings at meetings. I do not have to be afraid. I see my powerlessness and release my problems to my Higher Power.
"'We will allow the good God to make plans for the future - for yesterday has gone, tomorrow has not yet come and we have only today." ~ Mother Teresa

01/23/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 23
TRADITION ONE
Tradition One saved my family. Too often in the chaotic household of an addict, the needs of the addict are met at the expense of everyone else in the household. This was certainly true in my house. As the addict continued to spin out of control, vacations were skipped because I could not risk leaving the addict for any period of time. Holidays were ruined with one crisis after another. Financial savings were sacrificed to bail the addict out of yet another jam. While taking a group conscience in a Nar-Anon meeting, someone reminded me of the first tradition, that "our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity." It clicked in my head that this was also true for my family. I realized that while I thought I was saving the family by saving the addict, I had harmed the addict and the entire family. By putting the needs of the addict ahead of the welfare of the family, I denied the family what was rightfully theirs. I also denied the addict the opportunity to be responsible for himself. This behavior led to an atmosphere of resentment. All members of the family felt cheated. In order for the family to survive, the family had to come first. I now understand that an individual's needs are best met when the needs of the whole family are considered. Now when family decisions need to be made, each family member is given a voice. Not for what they want, but what they feel is in the best interest of the family as a whole. Each voice is considered and decisions are made that are right for the family.
Thought for Today: I will not act until I believe my actions will benefit all my family.
"Passing on our peaceful feelings increases the level of our own peace." ~ Karen Casey

01/22/2017

SESH Daily Reading January 22

CARETAKING

I have been a caretaker for as long as I can remember. It started when I was a teenager when my mother needed my help to care for my ill father. I always felt that I had to be responsible for and take care of others. I chose a caretaking profession. In my first marriage, I felt that I had to take care of my husband and I allowed him to manipulate me constantly. He refused to work and expected me to manage everything. I kept my anger and resentment to myself, never realizing that it was destroying me. Then my children came along and I needed to take care of them. When my husband died, my anger and resentment died with him. I went back to what I thought was a normal life, but it wasn't. Everyone else's needs always came before mine. I could seldom say no to anyone and when I did, I felt extreme guilt. In my second marriage, things were quiet and peaceful for many years until my husband became addicted to crack. Once again, I became the caretaker, only the situation was much worse. I lost my sense of self. One night when I felt as if I was going insane, I called the Nar-Anon hotline number. I went to a meeting the next day. I felt better after that first meeting, even though things were still crazy in my life. Through Nar-Anon meetings, I realized that I did not have to be responsible for taking care of others. They could take care of themselves. I needed to learn to take care of my needs. It was a long hard struggle to change the way I had felt for so many years, but the support that I received at my meetings helped me immensely.
Thought for Today: I can say no to the addict and to others and not have to feel guilty anymore. I am important. I have to take care of myself and allow others to take care of themselves. No is a complete sentence. The focus in my life has to be about me.
"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." ~ Albert Schweitzer

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