10/22/2025
If ever I’m living with dementia (brain failure), I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live and do the following:
1. Every time you enter the room announce yourself. “Hi Mom. It’s ___.”
NEVER ask, “Do you know who I am?”That will cause me anxiety. I want you to do everything you can to decrease my stress.
2. I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. Go with my flow.
3. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.
4. Don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.
5. If I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me. I’m doing the best I can. Don’t embarrass me.
6. If I can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet and see if I can still feed myself. If you want to help, use hand-under-hand so I feel as if Im feeding myself .
7. If I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.
8. I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.
9. If I appear to still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed, help me find a way to do those things. I might do things differently, but help me do those things anyway (such as exercising, reading and visiting with friends).
10. Ask me to tell you a story from my past and refer to that story when I seem anxious. Remember my stories for me and use photos to help me remember my stories, too.
11. If I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me. Perhaps I have unmet needs but can no longer explain what my needs are.
12. Treat me the way you would want to be treated if you were living with brain failure. It can happen to anyone.
13. Make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. If I get hungry I might get angry but be unable to explain why.
14. Don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room. I’m living with brain failure but I’m still here.
15. Don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.
16. If I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.
17. Don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault. I’m living with brain failure. Imagine how frustrated I am that I can no remember things clearly.
18. Make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot. If I start to sing, encourage me - even if my voice is off key.
19. If I pick up items and carry them around, allow me to do so (if safe). Then return those items to their original place later.
20. Include me in parties and family gatherings, especially the holidays.
21. Know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.
22. Remember that I am still the person you know and love. I am living with brain failure and that changes everything.
ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇ in Honor of someone you know or knew who has/had dementia.
In Honor of all those I know, love and lost to Dementia. Alzheimer’s is the best known form of dementia but there are 80 different types of dementia.
For a free dementia training go to:
www.DementiaSOS.com
