Anne Unterkoefler, LCSW

01/03/2026

Linking into our new series, Understanding the Developing Brain.

Emotional regulation isn’t something children suddenly learn.
It’s something their brain builds over time.

This visual shows how emotional regulation develops from infancy through adolescence — not in a straight line, but gradually, with support, setbacks, and rebuilding along the way.

Babies rely entirely on adults to regulate.
Young children borrow calm and learn language for feelings.
Older children begin to practise skills — and still wobble.
Teens may look independent, but their regulation is still developing well into adulthood.

Big emotions at any age aren’t a failure.
They’re a sign that the nervous system needs support, safety, and connection.

Save this as a reminder when things feel hard.
Share it with someone supporting children or young people.

Emotional regulation interventions, activities, and visual resources are available in the Resource Store — link in comments below ⬇️ or via Linktree Shop in Bio.

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01/02/2026

WHEN TRIGGERED, REMEMBER TO GIVE YOURSELF G.R.A.C.E.

Triggers often show up quietly and then suddenly feel overwhelming.
A tone of voice.
A delayed reply.
A look that reminds you of an old wound.
A boundary crossed.
Feeling unseen, corrected, abandoned, or misunderstood.

In these moments, the body reacts faster than the mind. What surfaces is not immaturity or over-sensitivity—it is memory. The nervous system responding to what once hurt.

This is where G.R.A.C.E. becomes a lived practice, not a concept.

G — Ground
Use this when you feel your body tightening, your breath becoming shallow, or your thoughts racing.
Grounding helps when you feel flooded—during an argument, after a harsh comment, or when your body feels on edge for “no clear reason.”

R — Recognize
Use this when self-criticism begins.
Recognize that what you’re feeling is a trigger, not the whole truth of the present moment.
This step is especially helpful in relationships—when old attachment wounds are activated.

A — Allow
Use this when you feel the urge to suppress, distract, or immediately “move on.”
Allowing is essential after emotional invalidation, conflict, or when grief or anger feels inconvenient but persistent.

C — Compassion
Use this when shame appears.
Compassion is needed when you judge yourself for reacting, crying, freezing, or needing reassurance.
It reminds you that this response was once a survival strategy.

E — Engage with choice
Use this when you are about to send a message, lash out, withdraw, or over-explain.
Engaging with choice allows you to pause and ask:
“What would feel most regulating—not most reactive—right now?”

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Situations where G.R.A.C.E. is especially helpful
• During conflict with loved ones
• When you feel criticized, controlled, or dismissed
• After emotional neglect or silence
• In moments of abandonment fear or rejection
• When old family dynamics resurface
• When you feel guilty for having needs
• When your body reacts before logic can intervene

Triggers are not signs that you are “going backwards.”
They are places where healing is asking to go deeper.

Meeting these moments with G.R.A.C.E. teaches the nervous system something new:
This time, I am not alone with what I feel.

And that—slowly, gently—is how safety is re-learned.🤗🤗

01/02/2026

12/30/2025

Grief goes through many different waves and phases. Here's an interesting take on Kübler Ross’s stages. Acceptance of the loss and whatever you’re feeling begins the process of letting it move through you. We’re all struggling in some way. Be gentle with yourself in the process.

12/21/2025

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12/20/2025

The amygdala is the brain’s danger detector — but it doesn’t identify what the danger is.

It reacts to felt threat, not facts.
Volume, tone, unpredictability, sensory input, past experiences and sudden change can all trigger the same alarm.

For neurodivergent children and young people, this system is often more sensitive and more easily overwhelmed. What looks small to an adult can feel genuinely unsafe to their nervous system.

This is why behaviour shifts fast, logic disappears, and reactions seem out of proportion.
The brain isn’t misbehaving — it’s protecting.

12/16/2025

Attachment theory is the map that helps you understand why you show up the way you do in love.
See my highlights for each attachment style to learn more

12/14/2025

Executive Functioning At A Glance breaks down skills like planning, prioritizing, and self-monitoring into 12 clear, visual “cheat sheets.” Perfect for classrooms, counseling, or home learning! Download your copy now.

12/14/2025

DBTSkills. Opposite Action. See our photo album ; IModule 3. Interpersonal Effectiveness' for further insights & information on Opposite Action.

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