Gina Smith LMFT

10/31/2024

10/27/2024

10/08/2024

Every day, countless acts of violence take place in our world.

And yet we never talk about the root cause: an inability to regulate our emotional state.

Every day, countless people die of substance use.

And yet we never talk about the root cause: an inability to regulate our emotional state.

Every day, relationships fall apart. Differences of opinions cause people to become enemies.

And yet we never talk about the root cause: an inability to regulate our emotional state.

Every day, people make impulsive decisions that alter their lives and the lives of those they love in heartbreaking ways.

And yet we never talk about the root cause: an inability to regulate our emotional state.

Every day, children experience unspeakable things in their homes.

And yet we never talk about the root cause: an inability to regulate our emotional state.

May we all practice the pause. May we all learn to breathe deep to create space between the stimulus and the response. May we all learn we are the creator of our external experience once we master the internal. May we forgive ourselves for what we did in survival mode, and start to build the skills to thrive. May we stop looking for bandaid solutions, and start to do the work. May we stop pointing the finger and look at the mirror at ourselves and the energy we bring to every situation.

May we realize that we are all so much more alike than we are different. That we all want the same things.

That once we learn how to cope with the intense thoughts, and body sensations that come with intense emotions— we become free.

May we make it our priority to teach the next generation to become the calm, sturdy, responders— then watch our world change

07/23/2024

I share this direct message with you with so much love and kindness. Chasing, begging, and bargaining with someone to stay when they have said they want to leave is never going to be the path to a sustainable, wholehearted, and safe relationship.

I know, someone will come here and say, “I convinced my partner to stay and now we have a great relationship!” And is it possible that that has happened for someone? Sure, nearly anything is possible. Nonetheless, a dynamic wherein one person is checking out, pulling away, or desiring to leave connection and the other person is conforming or pleading with them to stay, is a dynamic with a power differential. It’s a dynamic that actually causes both people to feel uneasy and likely unsafe. It’s a dynamic that can end up feeling like a trap to each person in the relationship.

Is it okay to assert your needs and desires? Of course. But expecting someone to forgo their own needs and desires to respond to yours isn’t reasonable. When someone stays when they want to leave resentment can build, and this resentment is likely to be felt by each person in the relationship. Likewise, this keeps the pursing partner is perpetual activation, feeling like they need to act in very particular ways to keep the relationship going with someone who isn’t really invested in the current connection.

Dear ones, chasing someone down isn’t the way. Allow people to exit without making them tell you 10 times that it is over. Remind yourself that a life existed before them, and a life can exist beyond them too.

Breathe life into your connection with yourself.

To those of you breaking unhelpful relational patterns, I see you.

07/18/2024

Yes

Repost from .sg
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It's pretty common for us to dislike various "parts" of ourselves.

These might be the parts that show up as anger, anxiety, hopelessness, hate, emptiness and so on.

Yet the truth is, we have "no bad parts".

These parts are just versions of ourselves that got trapped in the past because of trauma.

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Think about it:

Anxiety - a part of us that was hurt before and is now fearful for our lives and our future.

Anger - a part of us that was unjustly bullied or rejected.

Sadness - a part of us still grieving, unnoticed.

Loneliness - a part of us yearning to be loved, please.

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Is it their fault these parts of ourselves got hurt this way?

Would you likewise tell a young child who's suffering the same way that they are "bad" or not good?

No.

That's just cruel right?

So, we have no bad parts.

We only have "hurt" parts.

Yearning for our help to rescue them.

And rescue them you will, so you can become whole again.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. Need help connecting with your lost parts? Link in Bio k?

💙


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