Blooming Beyond Adversity, PLLC

05/19/2026

Let’s talk grief and loss:

I almost did not post this, but in the last 24 hours I’ve seen the topic pop-up so often on social media that I feel like it I needed to. There are so many types of grief. 

Yesterday I was watching a documentary, totally unrelated to death or grief, when something popped up about a child who died. Suddenly I wasn’t a adult any longer. I was 10-year-old girl who’s only sibling, a 9-year-old brother, died in a horrific accident and was buried the day before her 11th birthday. Despite it having been almost over 50 years ago, and I sat there and cried. Even as I write this my eyes are full of tears. You see grief isn’t about a one time event and missing someone forever. Sometimes it is wondering where they would be today. Considering would they have married, had children or grandchildren, and what would their career path have been? But it’s also if they would’ve survived how would your own life have been different? But, there is also even more complicated grief.

There is grief that comes when a loved one loses their battle with mental illness and succumb to taking their own lives. The what if’s and, all too often, the unnecessary guilt.

There is the grief and loss for those who were both abusers and someone you loved. Yes, both can be true. Sometimes the death of an abuser can lead us to feel things we thought we had healed from and moved past.

There is the grief where resolution never came. Were relationships were never restored. Sometimes the grief isn’t about the person, but it’s about the “what if’s”. That does not make grief any less valid.

And then there’s the grief that doesn’t come with death. Things like having a loved one with dementia or a critical or terminal illness. Loss of a relationship, or the loss dreams and aspirations. Sometimes it’s a loss of a job or financial devastation. Recently we had loss due to natural disasters such as tornadoes or fires. All are equally valid forms of grief and loss. 

Sometimes grief comes in sadness, while sometimes grief manifests as anger or rage. Why did they leave me? And do not overlook the survivor’s guilt of, “ Why wasn’t it me?” 

There can be danger with grief. Sometimes we idolize a person more after their loss. It’s called the halo effect. We focus on the good and overlook the bad. If the loss was a partner, we may have trouble forming new relationships because no one can live up to the memory of the diseased.

At its core, grief and loss are about things happening that we did not want to happen. And, grief is not linear. It doesn’t start horrendous and get better. Grief is a roller coaster. Sometimes it’s horrible and sometimes you feel better. Sometimes just when you think you’re over it, another huge unexpected drop occurs and you feel like you’re back at square one. Time is irrelevant. It could’ve been yesterday or it could be 50 years from now. But it does get better. This doesn’t mean they’re are not waves when you’re going to feel as if it just happened all over again.

Still, the good news is as time progresses the recovery period gets shorter, and you start to remember happy times and not just the loss. You will bloom again and be able to share those times with others. You will begin to smile and not cry when you think of the loss. And, you learn from grief and loss. I’m not saying that’s the “purpose” of them, but it does happen. The thing to keep in mind is to not allow yourself to be swept away by the waves of grief. If you need to talk, reach out to family, friends, and of course we professionals are here too. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Drink, lots of water, eat as healthy as you can, get rest, challenge any negative thoughts, and stay connected with your support system. Just know that if it becomes too much, you can always reach out. 

~ Dr. Constance
Blooming Beyond Adversity

05/18/2026

05/17/2026

Let’s talk poverty trauma.

My kids often tell me that I see trauma behind every tree. My response is yes, because trauma is behind every tree. Take my breakfast this morning. I wanted a waffle so we went out to breakfast. I made the comment to my spouse that I fully blame them for this waffle. Why? For decades, I lived in abject poverty. When I say that, I mean that I literally had no glass in at least one of the window, and a floor you had to lay things over so you didn’t fall through the holes. I went an entire year without a stove, oven, or microwave and could only cook on a one burner hotplate. It was not until after leaving that abusive relationship that my life became what it is today.

Back in the day, on the rare occasion I could make my children pancakes, they had a choice between butter or syrup. We could not afford the luxury of butter and syrup; they simply cost too much money and we didn’t have it. After leaving and finding my current spouse who always use both butter and syrup on their pancakes and waffles, my children initially protested that they can’t have both butter and syrup because it’s “not good for you.” They were mirroring the poverty trauma they grew up with. I have now been remarried going on 20 years and I am just now allowing myself to use butter and syrup. But that’s not the only food trauma that came from my past. The first fight my current spouse and I ever had was over them telling my children they could each pick out a full sized bag of potato chips. I told them we could not do that. It was a huge issue. Back then I passed it off as the thought I didn’t want them growing up privileged. But in the back of my mind, I knew it was about money. Food trauma is not the only trauma we gain from poverty.

I will not answer the phone if I do not know who’s calling, or the front door if I don’t know who you are. I’ve had bill collectors, landlords, and even the police knock my door and it’s anxiety inducing. Both of these despite that it’s been almost 20 years since it any such situation has happened. I insist on carrying some cash with me wherever I go. In my prior relationship, I had my account drained when I didn’t know it. I have an eye disease that only happens to those who were raised working with animal f***s, such as cleaning out barns. I had to explain to my optometrist that the truth was that I had lived in poverty with insect infestation for so long it caused the same damage. My story was helpful for them as they are part of “doctors abroad” and it help them better the understand eye disease they see in third world countries. Two years ago I was in a meeting and a coworker who had been in my home said, “Constance will give you anything you want from her home if you just ask.” You see I was raised around those who were also living in poverty, and I always felt the need to give to others so they didn’t do without. When you are poor, you share everything. Each of these are very subtle signs of poverty trauma. There are so many more stories I could share of trauma responses that you would never think of that come out in therapy.

Why am I saying all of this? Many times we do not have an inkling where the issues in our life come from. We also tend to think that it’s not trauma unless it is stereotypical trauma such as a car wreck, fire, etc. But, trauma comes in many forms, as does abuse, but that’s for another post. If there are things in your life, you’re trying to sort out, even the little things, I’m here to walk that path with you. Do not continue to suffer because of the poverty trauma you have, or continue to, experience. I am here to listen when you are ready to unburden yourself.

~Dr. Constance

05/16/2026

Standing your ground is not mean or weak! It is self care!

05/15/2026

Helping women get here is my jam! So many of us do not understand that it is our trauma history, often things we didn’t even realize was traumatic, that prevents us getting what we want to be.  if you feel stuck, come see me. 

~Dr. Constance

05/14/2026

Too many women are stuck in this phase. There is hope to move past, you just need to reach out.

05/13/2026

I bet you didn’t expect to see a picture of a toe on a therapy page! Hang with me for a bit.

A month ago I had an accident that broke my toe. They tell me it will take up to eight weeks or longer to fully recover. In the meantime, there’s nothing I can do but stabilize the toe. This morning as I was bandaging my toe, I began thinking about how much this break mirrors the trauma experiences in our lives.

You see I have not wanted to tell anyone how I broke my toe because it was ridiculous. How often do we not want to share our own trauma for fear of judgment?

I did not break my toe intentionally, and someone else was involved in the accident who caused it. All too often, someone else causes the trauma in our lives.

At first the toe and half the foot were black and blue. I have bandaged, elevated the foot, and wore really great shoes to keep it safe. Some of the shoes I thought would work did not and I have had to take them off after a few minutes due to pain. How many things people do in an attempt to manage the pain of their trauma doesn’t work, such as bandages of drugs, alcohol, avoidance, or hardening their hearts to others.

I truly thought my toe would heal on its own in a month. What I did not consider was that every day I get up and walk. Each step re-traumatizes the toe making the healing process linger. How many of us keep trying to heal on our own, thinking the pain and trauma will simply vanish on its own, without realizing all of the things that impact our healing.

I’ve never had a broken toe before, so I looked online to see how to treat it. How many of us look to social media or Internet for tips on how to heal our trauma without having to share with anyone. How many of us get really bad advice because of that, advice that may not only not be helpful, it can be damaging and delay our healing.

If you do not take care of a broken toe, it will not heal properly and it could cause life long issues that pop up when you least expect them. This week my toe became too cold and the pain was horrible. How many of the traumas we live with are triggered when we least expect it. The unexcepted nature is the definition of a trigger.

I could not have prevented my toe from being broken. I also cannot expedite its healing; it is a process. In the same way, many traumas cannot be healed on their own, even over time, and need the help of a professional.

There’s nothing to be ashamed about having a broken toe or needing help recovering from trauma. But if you do not give it the attention you need, the healing process can be delayed or never come. Unfortunately, despite care, healing from a broken toe or trauma is not instantaneous. It takes special attention, care, time, and very often it takes the assistance of a professional.

There is no shame in getting help for your trauma, or broken toe, or any other physical and mental health trauma that has occurred in your life. The brain is just another part of the body that may need attention. So if you need help, no matter how mild or severe the trauma may be, just reach out. Helping people recover from trauma is what I do.

~ Dr. Constance

05/12/2026

If you can’t take a step, crawl. If you can’t crawl, roll. If you can’t roll, scoot. No matter how you do it, start moving. An object at rest stays at rest, while an object in motion stays in motion. It’s simple science. We are here if you need a gentle (or massive) push.

Dr. Constance.

05/10/2026

Powerful art!

05/10/2026

Today can be a hard day to be a woman. Society expects us to be a mother. Not only does that not always happen, not every woman wants children. If you need to take time away from social media to avoid being hurt, do it. There is no right way to be a woman, and having children is not required for a fulfilling life. And, if you are a mother who does not see their children due to conflict or loss, I see you too. Finally, to all the daughters with conflicted mother relationships, take care of yourself today. To all women, do not let today drag you down. I’m here if you need support.

Dr. Constance