
03/30/2025
Almost 7 months already since the most empowering, incredible day of my life.
The birth of my first daughter was a blessing, but unfortunately, it resulted in trauma as I hear too often from first time mothers. The day was full of pain, heartache, fear and regret, even though it resulted in my first beautiful blessing of a daughter.
This time around, I worked through my first birth story, what it was, what I felt it was, what I told myself it was, and what I needed this time around with our very unexpected second baby.
We planned for me to carry a baby for another couple last year. We went through a year of rigorous testing and matching to find the right couple, and a month before the transfer was scheduled, we found I had conceived on birth control.
I felt guilty, ashamed, scared, and uncertain.... so many feelings those first few months, and I felt even worse that none of them were joy.
The morning I took the test, after the dream that awoke me from a deep sleep prompting me to take it, I made a call to the OB, and as soon as we found out we may be pregnant, my next call was to .
I knew I would need tremendous support emotionally to get through this, and also a competent and caring midwife when the day came to bring this little soul Earthside.
The OB told me when we had our first ultrasound that she was sure I would miscarry and to just wait and see. My next appointment a few weeks later, she said the same and took the "congratulations" gifts the nurse brought in as she wasn't confident yet this would be viable. Geneva told me to trust the process and allow things to unfold the way they were meant to.
The final appointment with the OB, we finally got our welcome bag of "junk" and a guarded congratulations as I let her know we would be continuing care with our midwife, and I am so grateful we did.
Geneva was everything I didn't know I needed the first time around, and on the day of Wren's birth, I felt more confident, empowered and strong than I ever have in my life.
Used the word "empowered" a lot as a doula, but never truly understood the meaning until that day. Words could never express my gratitude for these blessings.