Maryann Boyle, Lcsw-c

07/29/2025

07/22/2025

Mindfulness Break from Cape Cod

07/17/2025

One Moms Battle is a great resource ❤️

Legal Abuse: Disregards and manipulates court orders while misusing legal systems to control, harass, intimidate and exhaust financial and emotional resources. Seeks custody orders as a means of revenge, punishment and control.

Link: www.postseparationabuse.com

07/17/2025

You can do the hardest things ❤️

07/16/2025

All of this. I like to think of this approach as "I'm sorry for your pain, but I will no longer allow you to inflict it on me."

I get asked this question all the time.

If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, you might be sorting through a deep fog—questioning your memory, your instincts, even your worth. That’s not just emotional confusion; it’s nervous system injury.

Gaslighting, blame-shifting, emotional withdrawal—these are real harms. And they can leave lasting imprints.

So let’s start here: You don’t owe compassion to someone who continually violates your boundaries.

That said—here’s what I’ve seen: narcissistic traits often develop as protective adaptations to early trauma. When a child grows up without being truly seen or soothed or loved, they build an identity that says, “If I can’t be loved for who I am, I’ll be admired for who others need or want me to be.”

But compassion for their pain does not require self-abandonment.

Insight doesn’t equal unlimited access.

Understanding doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment.

And here’s where I want to be clear: I don’t support the pathologizing or polarizing language that says “narcissists are evil,” “they can never change,” or “throw them away.” That kind of othering may feel justified at first, but it often keeps us stuck in cycles of blame, reactivity or feeling vicitmized—when what we really need is clarity, boundaries, and repair.

Healing isn’t about excusing behavior. It’s about seeing the full picture—how trauma can create protective masks—and deciding what you need to heal from.

Think of it like this: If someone’s drowning, they might pull others down with them. You can understand why they’re panicking. But you’re still allowed to swim to shore.

An integrative trauma approach means holding both: The reality of your pain AND the humanity of the person who caused it.

But here’s the key: accountability is non-negotiable.
For healing to happen—on either side—there must be willingness to look inward, repair harm, and grow.

If you’re fresh out of a narcissistic dynamic, your job isn’t to fix them. It’s to come home to yourself.

07/08/2025

Church Leaders, Could Well-Meaning Counseling Be Making Abuse Worse?

Too often, domestic abuse is misdiagnosed in the church as a “marital problem” or “anger issue.” But pushing a couple into marriage counseling when abuse is present can actually escalate the danger.

⚠️ Marriage counseling assumes equal responsibility for the issues at hand.
But in abuse, one person is exerting control—and that’s not a marriage problem. It’s an individual heart issue.

💡 Marriage counseling in these situations can lead to manipulation, retraumatization, and even spiritual harm.

At Called to Peace Ministries, we train and equip church leaders to:

✔️ Identify signs of abuse early
✔️ Respond with wisdom, not confusion
✔️ Create a church culture that protects the oppressed—not empowers the abuser

📩 Contact Neil Schori at Neil@calledtopeace.org for a FREE consultation with one of our Church Partnership Liaisons.

🔐 We also offer a free Protect the Flock training for church staff and leadership.
👉 Learn more here:
Because protecting the vulnerable is part of protecting the Gospel. 💜

*Research.lifeway.com/2023/10/20/4-reasons-your-church-needs-domestic-violence-awareness-training/

07/07/2025

A great explanation of cognitive dissonance (in this case, related to narcissistic abuse, but it can apply to many areas of life).

Accepting the less desirable belief as the truth will cause pain, and will require change. Get started.💯

06/30/2025

The more you know...

06/24/2025

06/23/2025

06/23/2025