Maryann Boyle, Lcsw-c

08/26/2025

08/20/2025

Sibling behaviors that cross the line can have lasting effects, including depression, bullying, and intimate partner violence.

Watch a video to hear Cindy's story of what her parents thought was sibling rivalry: www.unh.edu/saara

08/09/2025

Natural anxiety remedies that work—without harming your brain. Learn 11 science-backed strategies for lasting calm and mental clarity. Read more https://bit.ly/3mso2aI

08/05/2025

For those curious about spiritual and religious abuse

Abuse is LOWEST among highly religious men who believe in egalitarianism, and high among highly religious men who believe in male headship.

From the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) World Map 2019 study of 16,000 people. Now, to note, the IFS claims that this was a statistically non-significant finding. However, other peer-reviewed studies have routinely found patriarchal beliefs are a risk factor for IPV (intimate partner violence) against women. And so this trend seems concerning, and warrants further research from the IFS.

To note, we had a similar finding situation in our GSR study! Did you know that we originally planned to discuss modesty in The Great S*x Rescue? However, our first study returned a null result because our questions were too vague and accidentally simply measuring religiosity instead of modesty belief adherence. So you know what we did? We fine-tuned those questions and tried again for She Deserves Better. And after creating more valid questions, we found some really interesting findings that were also in line with other research.

So let's look at what the IFS did here. Other studies have looked at patriarchal beliefs as as whole, but the IFS's study did something different. They divided everybody into six groups, based on how religious the couple was, and whether they believed in gender hierarchy or whether they believed in equality.

And religiosity combined with equality bears great fruit.

Religiosity combined with hierarchy does not.

Of course, is it POSSIBLE that this is simply noise in the data? Maybe. But that would be a strange result in the context of a whole host of other studies that have all found patriarchal beliefs to be dangerous to women (to the extent that patriarchal culture has been posited as a reason for qualification for asylum for women).

Incidentally, this is why we both published our data set to the ARDA and submitted our data to the peer-review process, so that other researchers have access to our data and can run the numbers themselves but also so that we had people looking over our models to make sure they were unbiased and produced accurate results. I wish we could get our hands on the raw numbers for this study because I'd love to see the raw data!

I would love if, like it did for us, this trend with a null result leads the IFS to deeper study into the impact of patriarchal beliefs on women's autonomy, marital satisfaction, and safety.

Because power imbalances have no place in a healthy marriage.

NOTE: I've changed this post from its original to add more commentary into the IFS statement on significance.

07/29/2025

"We inherit the memory of trauma on a molecular basis," said Hasan Khatib, a professor of genetics and epigenetics at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Epigenetics is the study of how environmental and behavioral factors can influence how our genes are expressed. While extreme hunger — and trauma more broadly — do not alter the DNA sequence itself, they can leave small tags on DNA, affecting how genes are turned on or off, and those epigenetic changes can be passed down to descendants, according to Khatib.

07/29/2025

07/22/2025

Mindfulness Break from Cape Cod

07/17/2025

One Moms Battle is a great resource ❤️

Legal Abuse: Disregards and manipulates court orders while misusing legal systems to control, harass, intimidate and exhaust financial and emotional resources. Seeks custody orders as a means of revenge, punishment and control.

Link: www.postseparationabuse.com

07/17/2025

You can do the hardest things ❤️

07/16/2025

All of this. I like to think of this approach as "I'm sorry for your pain, but I will no longer allow you to inflict it on me."

I get asked this question all the time.

If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, you might be sorting through a deep fog—questioning your memory, your instincts, even your worth. That’s not just emotional confusion; it’s nervous system injury.

Gaslighting, blame-shifting, emotional withdrawal—these are real harms. And they can leave lasting imprints.

So let’s start here: You don’t owe compassion to someone who continually violates your boundaries.

That said—here’s what I’ve seen: narcissistic traits often develop as protective adaptations to early trauma. When a child grows up without being truly seen or soothed or loved, they build an identity that says, “If I can’t be loved for who I am, I’ll be admired for who others need or want me to be.”

But compassion for their pain does not require self-abandonment.

Insight doesn’t equal unlimited access.

Understanding doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment.

And here’s where I want to be clear: I don’t support the pathologizing or polarizing language that says “narcissists are evil,” “they can never change,” or “throw them away.” That kind of othering may feel justified at first, but it often keeps us stuck in cycles of blame, reactivity or feeling vicitmized—when what we really need is clarity, boundaries, and repair.

Healing isn’t about excusing behavior. It’s about seeing the full picture—how trauma can create protective masks—and deciding what you need to heal from.

Think of it like this: If someone’s drowning, they might pull others down with them. You can understand why they’re panicking. But you’re still allowed to swim to shore.

An integrative trauma approach means holding both: The reality of your pain AND the humanity of the person who caused it.

But here’s the key: accountability is non-negotiable.
For healing to happen—on either side—there must be willingness to look inward, repair harm, and grow.

If you’re fresh out of a narcissistic dynamic, your job isn’t to fix them. It’s to come home to yourself.

07/08/2025

Church Leaders, Could Well-Meaning Counseling Be Making Abuse Worse?

Too often, domestic abuse is misdiagnosed in the church as a “marital problem” or “anger issue.” But pushing a couple into marriage counseling when abuse is present can actually escalate the danger.

⚠️ Marriage counseling assumes equal responsibility for the issues at hand.
But in abuse, one person is exerting control—and that’s not a marriage problem. It’s an individual heart issue.

💡 Marriage counseling in these situations can lead to manipulation, retraumatization, and even spiritual harm.

At Called to Peace Ministries, we train and equip church leaders to:

✔️ Identify signs of abuse early
✔️ Respond with wisdom, not confusion
✔️ Create a church culture that protects the oppressed—not empowers the abuser

📩 Contact Neil Schori at Neil@calledtopeace.org for a FREE consultation with one of our Church Partnership Liaisons.

🔐 We also offer a free Protect the Flock training for church staff and leadership.
👉 Learn more here:
Because protecting the vulnerable is part of protecting the Gospel. 💜

*Research.lifeway.com/2023/10/20/4-reasons-your-church-needs-domestic-violence-awareness-training/