Insightful Minds Counseling

11/23/2025

Why Some People Stay In Situations They Know Are Bad (IFS perspective)

People do not only stay stuck because they are afraid. They often stay because a part of them believes that enduring the current dysfunction is safer than facing the unknown. This is the psychological concept of “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” It describes the tendency to choose a familiar pain rather than risk a new pain.

Key behavioral dynamics
1. Cognitive dissonance
Knowing the situation is unhealthy while continuing to justify staying in it. The mind attempts to reduce internal conflict by creating rationalizations such as “it will get better” or “I can handle it.”
2. Trauma bonding
An emotional attachment formed through intermittent reinforcement. The cycle of conflict followed by temporary repair creates a dependency. The brief positive moments trick the nervous system into believing the situation is worth holding onto.
3. Learned helplessness
A belief that no matter what you do, nothing will change. Someone may start to tolerate dysfunction because past attempts at change were met with failure or punishment.
4. IFS: Manager parts and firefighter parts
• Manager parts create excuses to maintain stability. They cling to the familiar, even if the familiar is damaging.
• Firefighter parts seek relief or distraction when emotional pain escalates. They wait for the next “good moment” to justify continuing the cycle.
5. Fear-based protective parts
In IFS, every destructive pattern is driven by a part trying to protect the person from something worse. Many parts believe that change equals risk. Common beliefs include, “If I leave, I will be alone,” or “If I fail at improving things, I will be exposed as inadequate.”

What people get from staying
They are not attached to the suffering itself. They are attached to predictability, control, and the illusion of safety. Familiar pain is processed as less threatening than unfamiliar outcomes. The internal logic is: “I know how to survive this. I do not know if I’ll survive something different.”

The real barrier to change
It is not just fear. It is internal loyalty to survival strategies created earlier in life. Until someone acknowledges these strategies and listens to the parts behind them, they will continue to wait for the next high point on the rollercoaster while bracing for the next crash.

Plain truth
Recognizing a situation is bad does not mean a person is ready to leave it. Parts of them still believe the known threat is safer than the unknown one. Healing begins when they are willing to confront the cost of staying and speak directly to the parts that insist on holding the line.

Avoidance is just prolonged suffering guised as safety.

Ready to help parts stuck in the cycle of the devil they know? Visit our website to get started:

Trusted trauma-informed telehealth counseling in Florida, South Carolina, and Idaho. Licensed online therapy for anxiety, depression, and life transitions.

11/20/2025

🌿 Trauma Through the IFS & Jungian Lens: From Survival to Self 🌿

Trauma fragments the psyche. Parts of us carry pain (“I hurt”), others work tirelessly to survive (“I must”), while some collapse under the weight (“I can’t”). This image beautifully maps how our nervous system and inner parts, what IFS calls protectors and exiles, dance between survival and resilience.

🔴 “I can’t”
Collapse, disconnect. A protective mechanism of the deep unconscious, what Jung might call a descent into the shadow to avoid further overwhelm.

🟡 “I must”
Fight or flight responses, hypervigilance. Here the protector parts (managers and firefighters) spring into action, defending us from re-experiencing the original pain of the exiles.

🟢 “I can”
Self-led. Parts begin to trust the inner Self again, the Jungian Self archetype, the organizing center of wholeness. Healing unfolds.

⚫ “I am”
Return to essence. Embodied presence. Not doing but being. This is the deep Self that IFS and Jungians refer to, the calm witness that holds all parts with compassion.

✨ Healing begins when:
• We turn toward our exiled parts with curiosity, not judgment
• We honor the protectors for keeping us safe (even when their methods are extreme)
• We reconnect with the Self, the inner wise presence Jung called the “guiding centre”

Healing is not becoming something new.
It is remembering who you already are underneath the strategies of survival.

🌱 What step of the spiral speaks to you today?



InsightfulMindsOnline.com

11/19/2025

🧠 How Your Brain Reacts to Triggers
(Through the Lens of IFS and Jungian Psychology)

A trigger is not a failure. It is a signal from your inner system that something old, tender, or unintegrated has been touched. In Internal Family Systems, triggers often activate protective parts that rush in to keep you safe. In Jungian psychology, triggers pull material from the shadow into the light, asking to be acknowledged.

What you notice on the surface is only the messenger.
What lives beneath is the message.

💛 When your breathing becomes shallow or your heart starts racing:
A vigilant protector part may be sensing danger based on past experiences. These physical cues are your psyche’s early communication. They invite you to slow down, breathe, and let your nervous system know you are safe now.

🖤 When irritability or emotional numbness shows up:
IFS sees these as protectors trying to manage overwhelming feelings. Jung would say these reactions point to emotions that have been pushed into the shadow. Both perspectives remind us that these responses are intelligent, even if they feel uncomfortable.

💚 When overthinking spirals or muscles tense up:
This can be a sign that a part of you is bracing for impact. It wants control, clarity, or certainty. Beneath it might be a younger part carrying fear or confusion that needs reassurance, not pressure.

💬 Behavioral reactions like withdrawal or freezing:
These are survival strategies that once kept you safe. They become cues to approach yourself with patience, not shame.

✨ The invitation:
Instead of fighting your reactions, try meeting them with curiosity.
Ask yourself:
• What part of me is activated right now?
• What is this reaction trying to protect me from?
• Is there a younger or shadowed part that needs compassion?

Your triggers are not flaws. They are pathways into deeper wholeness.
When you listen to them, you transform the reaction into relationship and the overwhelm into integration.

🌿 Healing happens when the body speaks and the self listens.

11/16/2025

🔥 The Anger Volcano: What Erupts vs. What Lies Beneath 🔥
(IFS and Jungian Psychology Perspective)

Anger is rarely the enemy. In both Internal Family Systems and Jungian psychology, anger is often a protector, a part of us that erupts when something deeper feels threatened.

What we see on the surface such as yelling, shutting down, sarcasm, defensiveness and irritability is just the lava.
But beneath that fiery layer live the parts that are tender, vulnerable, and longing to be understood.

💛 IFS reminds us:
Our anger is usually a protective part working overtime to shield an exiled part of us that carries pain such as shame, rejection, fear, disappointment, or loneliness. When these softer parts feel unsafe or unheard, the protector steps in loudly.

🖤 Jungian psychology reminds us:
What we repress becomes part of the shadow.
Anger often erupts when the shadow is ignored, when we bury our hurt, guilt, or fear instead of integrating these hidden aspects of ourselves with compassion and awareness.

✨ What if, instead of judging the eruption, we listened beneath it?
We might discover a young part needing reassurance.
A shadow longing to be acknowledged.
A story inside us that has been waiting to be rewritten.

Next time anger rises, try asking gently:
• What part of me is trying to protect me?
• What deeper emotion is asking to be seen?
• What truth have I pushed into the shadow?

Healing begins when we stop fighting the volcano and start understanding the landscape within it. 🌋💛

InsightfulMindsOnline.com

10/26/2025

🌿 Self-Leadership in Healing 🌿

When we say “I am hurt,” we merge our identity with our pain, as if that’s all we are in that moment.
But when we shift to “A part of me is hurting,” we create space. Suddenly, we are not the pain itself, we are the compassionate observer of it. 💛

This small change in language can transform how we process emotion.
It invites curiosity instead of judgment, and connection instead of overwhelm.

Next time you feel pain, try asking yourself:
✨ “What part of me is hurting?” ✨

Hold that part with tenderness, it’s asking for your care, not your criticism.

Ready to transform the way you relate to yourself? Check us out at InsightfulMindsOnline.com

09/06/2025

09/02/2025

A groundbreaking new book, "Internal Family Systems (IFS) Tips and Practice Skills" by Aion Farvahar, PhD, is now available. This comprehensive guide is a game-changer for practitioners seeking to master IFS. With clarity and precision, Aion breaks down complex concepts into accessible, actionable strategies, making it an invaluable resource for neurodiverse practitioners. By reading this book, you'll gain a deeper understanding of IFS and be empowered to create positive change in your practice, your clients and within your own system.
https://a.co/d/aQsBVKY

Are you an empathic Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist or practitioner who is looking for opportunities to become more skilled and effective in IFS practice? Do you find some of your clients challenging or exhausting to work with? If so, does this make you doubt your skills or ability to he...

08/20/2025

The Four Basic Goals of IFS
1. Liberate parts from the roles they’ve been forced into, so they can be who they’re designed to be.
2. Restore trust in the Self and Self-Leadership.
3. Reharmonize the inner system.
4. Become more Self-led in our interactions with the world.

Learn more: https://hubs.ly/Q03DKN-r0
Purchase Books: https://hubs.ly/Q03DKKf90

07/25/2025

🩷Understanding the Difference Between IFS-Informed and IFS-Trained Therapists

If you’re exploring therapy and feel drawn to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach, it’s helpful to understand that not all therapists who use IFS are trained in the same way. As the model becomes more popular, more therapists are incorporating its language and ideas into their work. This can be wonderful, but it can also create confusion.

Some therapists describe themselves as IFS-informed. Others have completed official IFS training through the IFS Institute, which offers a structured path known as Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3 certification.

Here’s the difference:

A Level-trained IFS therapist has completed a formal training program taught by certified IFS trainers. These programs involve extensive learning, practice, and supervision. They are designed to prepare therapists to use the model in a way that honors its depth and complexity. Trained therapists learn how to recognize and safely work with protective parts, connect with exiled parts of the system, and help clients access their Self energy in a steady and sustainable way.

An IFS-informed therapist may have read about the model, taken a short workshop, or heard about IFS from peers or books. They may draw from its ideas in a general way, such as talking about “parts” or “self-energy,” but they have not gone through the structured training that supports deep, safe, and nuanced use of the model. Some are very skilled in other modalities and may use IFS ideas thoughtfully and respectfully, but their use of the model might not follow the full IFS process.

This difference becomes especially important if you are working with complex trauma, dissociation, or deeply entrenched protective systems. These cases often require a higher level of sensitivity, skill, and containment. Without sufficient training, there is a risk that parts may be misunderstood or that deep emotional material could be accessed without enough support. This is never about blaming or discrediting, but about protecting your system and ensuring that your healing work happens in a safe and attuned space.

It’s okay to ask a therapist directly about their IFS training and experience. A grounded therapist will welcome your curiosity and answer with transparency. If someone is calling themselves IFS-informed, it is fair to ask what that means to them and how they use the model in their work. You deserve to understand the framework your therapist is using and to feel confident in the care you’re receiving.

Ultimately, all parts of you deserve to be met with presence, patience, and skill. Whether you choose an IFS-informed or IFS-trained therapist, the most important thing is that you feel safe, seen, and supported in your healing.

07/21/2025

🌿 Ever feel like you’re overwhelmed by one strong emotion or reaction?
In IFS, we call that being blended — when a part of you merges with your Self and takes over your thoughts, feelings, or actions.

It’s not who you are, it’s a part of you trying to help in its own way.

💡 Healing begins when we get curious about that part without judgment.
You are more than your parts. Let’s work together to help you reconnect with your calm, clear, compassionate Self.

📅 Ready to explore your inner world? Reach out to schedule a session or learn more about IFS therapy.

In IFS, we use the term blended to describe the phenomenon in which a part merges its perspective, emotion, beliefs, and impulses with your Self.

Learn more: https://hubs.ly/Q03y1vRj0
Purchase Books: https://hubs.ly/Q03y1v7B0

07/07/2025

Looking for an IFS Therapist? Here’s What You Need to Know 🤍

IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy is a powerful, evidence-based approach to healing trauma, anxiety, depression, and more by helping you connect with the different “parts” of yourself, and, most importantly, your inner Self.

But not every therapist who uses parts language is trained in the IFS model.

Many clinicians describe themselves as “IFS-informed” after reading books or taking short courses. While they may have good intentions, they have not received the depth of training needed to safely and effectively guide true IFS therapy.

✨ To make sure you’re getting IFS therapy from a trained professional, ask:
• Have you completed Level 1 training through the IFS Institute?
• How do you use IFS in your work?
• Do you do your own parts work or have an IFS supervisor?

✅ A therapist trained through the IFS Institute has:
• Completed months of intensive, supervised training
• Practiced the model experientially, not just conceptually
• Learned how to stay grounded in Self energy so your system feels safe, not analyzed

⚠️ When someone without formal training uses parts language:
• It can feel like your parts are being labeled or managed, not truly heard
• The healing process may stall or feel confusing
• Deeper wounds can be missed or retraumatized

IFS is not just a technique. It is a process that requires care, presence, and real skill. You deserve to work with someone who can hold that space for you.

If you’re looking for an IFS therapist and you live in Florida, Idaho or South Carolina, connect with me at: InsightfulMindsOnline.com for more information.

Or, check the IFS Institute directory or ask about their official training.

Your healing deserves that level of support. 💗

Insightful Minds Counseling, IFS, EMDR, Trauma Therapy, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, Anxiety, Depression, Pensacola, Florida, Idaho, South Carolina, Internal Family Systems, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Military, Narcissist, Adult Child of an Alcoholic, Attachment, Divorce, Spiritu...

06/21/2025

Emotional Immaturity 101: When Feelings = Reality

One of the hardest truths to grasp, especially if you’re self-aware and value personal growth, is that some people truly believe reality is optional.

For emotionally immature individuals, facts are negotiable, and truth bends to how they feel in the moment.
If something makes them uncomfortable, they deny it, distort it, or dismiss it entirely.

They don’t seek objectivity, they seek emotional comfort.
So when confronted with inconvenient truths? They rewrite the script to suit their narrative.

If you’re someone who self-reflects, takes accountability, and wants to understand yourself and others… it can be mind-bending to realize that not everyone plays by those rules.

📌 You can’t reason someone out of a mindset they were never reasoned into. Or, what i always tell clients is: “You can’t rationalize (with) an irrational person.”

Protect your peace. Stay grounded in your truth. And know that not everyone is willing, or ready, to meet you in reality.