05/23/2026
😂 URGENT: CHRISTY’S MASSAGE SLOTS NEED A GOOD RUBBING DOWN! 😂
Tired of your muscles throwing a tantrum?
Stressed out like a phone on 1% battery?
Let me fix that knotty behavior!
🔥 LIMITED FUNNY-BONE-APPROVED OPENINGS 🔥
May 29th @ 10:30 AM – Perfect for “I survived Memorial Day weekend” damage control
June 9th @ 4:00 PM – Late afternoon “I hate my job” special
June 17th @ 9:30 AM – Early bird gets the deep tissue (and probably falls asleep)
June 19th @ 12:00 PM – Lunchtime “I need this more than food” slot
Warning: Side effects may include:
Sudden urge to cancel all responsibilities.
Involuntary purring.
Forgetting why you were mad at your spouse.
Spots are disappearing faster than my motivation on a Monday. Text or call before your muscles file a formal complaint.
“Your muscles called. They said they’re sorry and want me.”
Reply “MINE” + your preferred date/time before someone else steals your slot and you stay stiff like a board 😂