Renee Zavislak Psychotherapy

11/21/2025

In case you are unfamiliar with the word, "oxytocin" is the attachment hormone. We get our first hits of oxytocin when we are pushed through the birth canal, and then when we are held by our parents. As adults, our most common sources of oxytocin are or**sm, hugs, skin to skin, touch, and empathetic eye contact. "Oxytocin phobia" is the term I used to explain how some of us panic or sabotage once the attachment takes hold in a committed relationship. If you get restless, insecure, or anxious once your relationship gets settled, this may apply to you. It certainly applied to me for decades! The slides will explain it all. If you have questions, as always, leave them in the comments.
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11/02/2025

Uplifting reading, right? This is a list of the most commonly held beliefs about self from my clients who participate in EMDR treatments. I have done some stunning EMDR sessions in the last few weeks thanks to my extraordinary clients, so it seems like a good time to review this content. I'm not going to explain how EMDR works in this post, because it gets a little complicated. I do, however, explain it in a podcast episode - Episode 61. Here, however, I will explain how these beliefs about self function. Those of us who have unresolved childhood trauma usually carry several of these beliefs, either one from this list or something similar. Others I hear frequently are "I am responsible," and "I am trapped." Really, though, the options are unlimited. Overtime, these self-defeating beliefs, grow roots, gained power, and caused significant trouble. The good news is that we can uproot and rewrite them; that's what EMDR is for. The slides will explain it all! If you have questions, ask away in the comments!
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10/24/2025

Let's talk about America's favorite symptom: anxiety! This is by far the most common complaint new clients bring to therapy. We have a pretty serious problem with anxiety in our culture, not only because so many of us suffer or have suffered it, but also because we generally misunderstand what it is and how to treat it. Anxiety is not a disease entity; that is, it is not its own thing. It's a symptom, and symptoms are always messengers. So the trick with anxiety, as with all challenging emotions, is to answered it rather than push it away. The slides will explain it all! If you have any questions, leave them in the comments, as always. And in my next post, we will talk about show to answer your anxiety.
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10/10/2025

Healing is painful. This is especially true for trauma healing, which is kind of a sick joke since many of us are already suffering by the time we get to therapy. But the reality is that it gets worse before it gets better, and this can scare some of us away in the beginning. So before you read the slides, which will explain it all, hear this: you have already survived this pain. You may be feeling it in diffuse and indirect ways, but you have already endured it and held it. The sharp hits that come with healing or no match for you! That said there is no prize at the end for making it harder than it has to be, so decide how to take care of yourself before you start the deep work. I promise it's worth it. What is waiting for you on the other side of that pain will blow your mind. Promise.
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09/18/2025

I have been talking a lot about how important it is to protect your energy right now - and this is one of the most powerful tools for doing so. When we talk about boundaries, most of us think about direct boundaries that we set verbally with another person. However, in some situations, the boundary need is emotional or energetic, not spoken. It isn't about telling the other person what to do or not do, but rather about protecting our own energetic space. If you are like me, you are easily subject to energetic invasions; that is, other people's energy and feelings get mixed up with your own. This means we get triggered very easily, often for reasons we don't understand. It also means that we can get weighed down by other people's distress. In these situations, the best intervention I know is called "neutral separation." This is an energy medicine intervention that keeps other people's energy out of your energetic field. It's absolutely brilliant. I use it a lot with a particular family member who gets under my skin, and I also use it after particularly intense sessions when I am having trouble shaking off the client's sadness. It sounds terribly simple when you read the explanation, but I promise you it is magically helpful. Keep in mind that this is an intervention for support. It will not resolve the underlying issues that create our emotional porousness. That is work to be done in therapy. But in the meantime, this can save your nervous system a lot of distress and allow you to create space for healing. Give it a try!
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09/18/2025

09/09/2025

In my last post, we talked about the mother wound. Let's look at the father wound now. The effects of the two attachment injuries differ because of the different cultural expectations we have for mothers and fathers, but both produce profound liabilities around emotion regulation, self image, and relationship behaviors. These wounds can heal! The slides will explain it all. If you have any questions, leave them in the comments!
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09/09/2025

My last post talked about the Mother Wound. Here is the partner post. Questions? Send them to me in the comments!
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09/08/2025

I know, I know: talking about mom is the oldest cliché in the therapy book – for a reason. Our relationship with Mom is our first and most critical attachment relationship. When Mom is emotionally unavailable, critical, reactive, or misattuned, the resulting trauma can negatively impact all of our relationships – with others, with ourselves, with the idea of love in general. The slides explain what this wound is and how to heal it. If you have any questions, leave them in the comments!
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08/30/2025

Food is medicine!!! Your best resource for improving your physical and mental health grows right out of the ground. This *should* make it easy for all of us to improve our health, right? Wrong. Thanks to capitalism, most of my clients tell me they don't have time to research, shop for, and prepare nutrient dense, whole food. That's where I come in. Lots of my psychotherapy clients ask for nutritional therapy as well, and this involves not only knowing what foods to focus on, but also learning how to create boundaries and practices in your life that allow you to nurture yourself this way. For now, let's just start with 5 super easy tips for stepping up the nutrient density of your meals and therefore your overall wellness. Questions? As always, leave them in the comments!
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-care -based

08/16/2025

It's the oldest couple therapy scene in the book: one partner complains that the other isn't giving them what they want or need, so I ask if they have asked for what they want, and they insist, "I shouldn't have to ask!" Well, actually, yes, you should. This truth tends to rub people the wrong way. Why? Why do we so desperately want what we won't ask for? I explain it all in the slides above, and if you have any questions, leave them in the comments!
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08/01/2025

This topic comes up at least once a week in my office. Have you ever done something and then thought "I have no idea where that came from!" Or "I don't know what came over me!" Or "I hate that part of myself?" We all have, right? Well, hating a part of yourself will only make that part stronger. I realize that might not make much sense on the first read, but the slides will explain it all! As always, if you have any questions, leave them in the comments.
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