Sierra Dator, MSW, LCSW

09/11/2025

I was in graduate school in New York State on 9/11 when the Twin Towers were hit. Students in my classroom, some from New York City, got up from their seat absolutely panicked. Classes dismissed that day, and I went home with no family to return to. I was scared. And I did what every other person in this country did in that moment, I turned on the TV and consumed myselfwith the news.

For hours, I watched image after image.

The next day I went to my internship at Crisis Services in Buffalo, New York. The calls flooded through with people feeling distraught. And there was young me, fielding calls and trying to do my best. At some point in the day, I met with my team to talk about how to really support people in this time when I too was just as anxious as the caller. The feedback from my superiors was simple: encourage people to stop WATCHING the news. I said this to people on phone calls and to the schools and community organizations we presented to over the next few weeks with people who were emotionally overwhelmed. “Turn off the news. If you need information, listen to the news. Read articles. But stop consuming images.”

Because here’s some truth.

You don’t have to look and looking may not help.

The news, the banter, the chatter.

The debates, the anger, the violence.

The catastrophes, tragedies, and accidents.

You don’t have to look.

Images are a source of holding onto trauma. They get stored in the mind and burrow into your cells to be brought up again and again. Often re-traumatizing or at least drumming up anxiety.

You can be in the know without the images. You can understand what’s going on in the world without seeing.

You don’t have to look.

Your mental health matters. Your ability to function and carry on with the living and doing what you and your people need is vitally important.

With your mental health in tact, you are a better partner, parent, and friend. You are someone who can come from a grounded place to support and make change versus being wrapped up in anxiety and fury and possibly doing more harm than good.

Nothing good happens from an unregulated nervous system state.

Everyday, if I want to truly help others, I need to be regulated. In New York, I stopped watching the news and got information from other sources. And some days I didn’t.

Some days I just went to class, my internship, did my homework, and headed to the gym. I needed life to be normal if I was going to survive.

So I share this with you to let you off the hook. You have no obligation to look. Your family and friends might consume the media like an icy cold glass of lemonade on a hot summers day, and may judge you for not joining them, but you don’t have to. Decide what makes sense for you. Keep yourself intact and go from there. Understand your own tolerance about what you can handle moment by moment and day by day. Let the guilt go and put your mental health first. And one way to do that is to limit images and media consumption.

Photo Circa Graduate School
days

08/18/2025

It’s a bummer how often we go around worrying about what others think of us.

I catch myself sometimes falling prey to the unbridled thoughts about my likableness. And when I hop down the rabbit hole of those thoughts, they generally aren’t good.

For me, these unhelpful thoughts come from a younger time where everything I did mattered so deeply and felt like they were seen by such a critical eye. Ironically, the reality was, the most critical eye was mine.

Yes, some people are judgmental. Yes, some people do think negative thoughts about others.

Now though, my adult self is aware just how often we’ll never know what others are thinking and it often doesn’t ever matter.

The caveat is that when we aren’t aware, what we’re left with instead is a terrible narrative we’ve created about who we believe other people think we are. And if we’re not careful, our anxious and self-deprecating parts will take the lead in this story.

If this happens to you, I want to invite you to make a choice. Because when you are aware you are feeling overly concerned about what someone thinks of you, an opportunity arises.

The opportunity affords you the option to either:

#1 Decide whether you’re going to invest your time, energy, and thinking into a terrible narrative about why you aren’t likable.

Or

#2 Whether you’re going to choose something else to focus on—and this focus could be on anything

I know it may not sound this easy, but I’m telling you, it can get to be this easy. When you embrace the fact that you have choice in your life, you can make powerful decisions for yourself. It may take practice and many attempts at first. However, with awareness, we can make really great decisions for ourselves. Choosing not to hop down the hole of worrying what others think about you is one.

Give it a try. If it doesn’t work the first time, try again. Living well is about going to drawing board again and again.

PS. This post comes from a place of exercising the choice I just described above. Sitting on the sofa thinking about if people like me and then deciding I don’t want to expend my energy on those thoughts. I use this tool, and you can too when you need it.

07/23/2025

This place is where dares happen and risks are taken.

Where courage is brought to the table.

Stoked with inner determination and outer encouragement.

And with enough tries, confidence surfaces.

To soar through the sky.

To leave the ground and for a moment take flight.

Until plunging into the recently thawed mountain water.

Sure to take your breath away.

Rope swings.

One way to take risks and build confidence in your abilities, especially for kids (you’ll see one dangling on the left-hand side of this picture).

But as you move into and through adulthood, many more opportunities emerge.

Asking tough questions

Expressing your feelings

Sharing experiences of your upbringing especially when those around you saw it differently

Making new friends

Loving someone

Becoming a parent

Going alone

Moving towns or states or countries

Making contact with mortality

Listening

There are so many risks to be had and yet these risks have the potential to ignite life.

Speaking your truth, professing your love, inviting someone along, forging solo, changing scenery—all of it has great potential to build your confidence.

But you’ve got to be willing to get uncomfortable.

To have life look a bit ragged.

To flail through the air.

Knowing it’s going to be cold down there.

Just like on that rope swing.

Despite that jolt of frigid water, odds are good, you’ll be ready to try again.

Maybe even climb a step higher as you launch.

For it is this aliveness making life rich.

07/10/2025

I’m sitting next to mom feeling the chilly air conditioner buzz around us. She’s in bed idly snoring, and I’m remembering the mom I had and the mom I love.

Just as both Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia have taken my mom, I feel deeply entrenched in the reality of not being promised another day. The tragedies of the recent flood in Texas, where lives were unjustly lost including those of several little girls, shows us once again how little control we have over life. That reality is both scary and devastating.

In my therapy practice, I work with many individuals who have a deep-seated fear of death. Sometimes this manifests in generalized anxiety and other times as OCD symptoms.

OCD involves obsessive thoughts accompanied by compulsions attempting to prevent bad things from happening. Compulsions can include checking things repeatedly, engaging in rituals having nothing to do with the actual fear, and never trusting for long any positive information.

Within this fear, life for some can be limiting. The obsessions and compulsions prevent someone from living their life fully. In this case, fear is the thief of joy. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my opinion, this is no way to live.

And trust me, I get it. I’m terrified of developing Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia. If you took a look at my family history, you’d see why. Odds of skirting around it are slim.

But I’ve made a very conscious decision about how I want to live my life.

It’s a way I have been living much of it but up until recently it’s been called to the forefront of my consciousness. Maybe because of my mom or my age or the state of the world. Maybe because I work with my patients in this way.

This path forward is difficult for some to get on board with, but I’ll share it with you in case it can help you or someone you love.

My solution is about moving towards a place of acceptance of death AND towards committing to the way I want to live my life. It also includes not letting the fear of the unknown get in my way.

Which leads me to this photo here. I went solo backpacking for the first time ever. Because I accept that I can die at any point and also choose to live accepting this fact, I am committed to living my life fully and doing things that I want to, like spending more time in the woods. So off I went; I had the most soul-soothing experience.

Truthfully though, I wish those little girls at Camp Mystic and their parents had more time. I wish my mom had more time too. I wish I had more time with her. She’s been slipping through my fingers for the past 8 years. It’s sad and it’s hard and it’s scary but I’m showing up to this life fully.

In closing, I want you to know you have a choice. You can choose the solution I’ve offered which is moving towards accepting what you fear and committing to living your best life while you’re here. That’s what I’m doing; I hope you consider this writing an open invitation to do the same.

07/04/2025

When I feel lost and uncertain I imagine myself in thick fog. The kind of fog saturating mountains or funneling in a rush over the massive Golden Gate Bridge.

It’s dense, gray, and blocking out all visibility. This lack of transparency feels awfully scary. However when I hold onto this image, I find comfort in knowing eventually a path will emerge.

But then comes another fear: what if the path emerging leads me somewhere different than the comfortable places I want to go?

This realization is a hard one to swallow. It makes staying in the fog seem like a good idea. At least there I can safely sit in its familiarity. But a new path? That’s frightening.

Calling on the brave part of myself and drawing on my past experiences of even the most terrible of events leading to some of my most prized people and moments allows me to embrace the curiosity of what’s next.

Now I see waiting in the fog as one of the most exhilarating parts of life. It sometimes causes me to lose my breath when I see it coming.

The thick, dense, wet, grey streaming my way. “Here we go, Sierra.”

It often feels overwhelming to wait. But with breath and this image, I ground myself despite not seeing what’s around me.

Eventually a path emerges, taking courage to arrive at the head and even strength to take a step.

But the rewards of living a full life live there.

I’m showing up for it all.

05/14/2025

Procrastination.

Motivation.

How to move from one to the other.

It’s a mental game. An acknowledgement that you’re worth it. To get what you want. To work hard. To risk failure. To be imperfect.

But in those statements is the catch. If you don’t think you’re worth it, you’ll continue to procrastinate. If you are afraid of failure and imperfection, you’ll keep putting it off. And if you resist hard work, you’re bound to push the edge until times up. You’ll wait to find your scrambled motivation in the rush which most often doesn’t feel very good.

Sometimes the work through procrastination to motivation isn’t about executive functioning and learning planning skills. Many times it’s about getting down to the very root of WHY you are procrastinating.

Core beliefs about worthiness, perfection, and failure are often at the source of where procrastination grows. So if you’re struggling with this area of your life, take a look there. You might discover tending to these parts of yourself allows motivation to bloom.

With all that said, a symptom of ADHD can be procrastination. This symptom is about the brain and executive functioning so learning organizational skills and developing structure can be really helpful. If not addressed, this symptom can lead to low self-esteem and detrimental core beliefs.

So, if you’re struggling with procrastination, take some time to be honest with yourself and find your source. If you can’t figure it out on your own, that’s ok. Get help from a therapist who can guide you in teasing out your beliefs and symptoms. From there, you can create a plan with your therapist and get on the road to where you want to be.

02/16/2025

The suffering people go through is a result of the attachments they have. When you love someone, some place, or something so deeply, you become attached.

When you lose what you are attached to, you suffer. Whether that’s in death or loss of relationships including lovers, friends, and family members. The loss includes moves, job changes, and health.

It’s the loss of what one once had and a life now changed in course.

If attachment is the problem, then how do you let go of the people, places, and things you love so much? How do you come to terms with the absolute heartache and a life being turned upside down?

Well here’s one point of view…you don’t. You learn how TOLERATE the suffering through getting to an eventual place of acceptance. This process typically takes much longer than you think and involves more feelings than you’d like.

It also takes an act of self-love in committing to living your best life despite the grief, loss, and suffering.

I wish I had known about this way early on in some of my most painful experiences. I wish someone would have told me to commit to living my best life despite the heartache. But time is one of our greatest teachers, and information often comes when we’re ready.

So maybe this is your message. Maybe this is your invitation to step in to tolerating the grief and loss of your attachments AND the opportunity to live your best life WHILE moving towards eventual acceptance.

This life. It’s rich and dynamic. It’s painful and beautiful. And there’s so many ways to hold all of it when we open our minds and hearts.

02/10/2025

I am excited to let our community know I am now certified to practice Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and am one of just a few in our area using this approach. This therapy is great for people who are suffering from PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and other phobias. It uses eye movements similar to EMDR, and people often find relief within the first session. It can be used with adults and children.

You can find out more info about ART here
https://acceleratedresolutiontherapy.com/

You can find out more about my practice here.
https://sierradator.com/

Here's to health and healing!

Therapy For Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and Life Challenges

12/26/2024

Looking for answers?

Go inward and feel.

The subtle pressure in the chest,

to absolute recognition of the throat constricting,

moving to the plain-as-day tears streaming down the face.

Healing comes from attuning to the body.

It’s a noticing.

Start there.

07/28/2024

There’s a way anxiety will hold you back from living your full life if you allow it. Hanging back due to the “what if’s” occupying your mind and feeding you thoughts and images of worst case scenarios.

If you allow anxiety to take hold in this way, your life will be more limited. Sure you may feel that you’ve made the safer choice but you may have missed out on something amazing— an experience with friends or an opportunity that changes your life, whether for a moment or lifetime.

I remember being in my early 20s where I had a ticket to go to Mexico with friends. My boyfriend and my mom‘s worst case scenarios got into my head, and I opted not to go on the trip. Checking in with my friends upon their return, they reported having an outstanding experience filled with culture and fun.

It was at that point in my life where I decided I was not going to let anxiety hold me back. While it’s important to be educated when traveling and diving into new experiences, it’s also important to know you can approach experiences with caution.

For example, if there’s a fun bridge you’ve seen people jump from and you’re interested, you don’t have to jump off the bridge when you first arrive. You can put one foot on the bridge and slowly build comfort and tolerance one step at a time. You can get close to that jump off point and watch others. But avoiding the bridge all together doesn’t even give you the chance to decide if it’s worth taking. And it robs you of the view. While you might decide not to jump, you lose out by not showing up to see. Let curiosity be your guide.

And that’s what this video is about. I was filled with all the what if scenarios about the tsunami that was going to take me out and the cliff I was going to fall off. But instead, I did a little research and opted to set my foot on an unfamiliar trail. And with every step, I became more confident, eventually feeling brave enough to head out on the Estero’s coast line at low tide.

And because I did, I got to see sea otters in the wild, which for me is so exciting as I love nature and wildlife. But if I had let anxiety get in the way of my life, I’d never have known how much I love this trail which I can’t wait to go back to.

So if anxiety is running your life, I encourage you to consider small steps you can take to start truly loving the life you want to lead.

02/04/2024

I often wonder about all the people in the gym who are on the verge of tears. I can’t see them but I know they’re there. Listening to a song touching their heart, those battling through illness, grief, and loss whether of loved ones, youth, or relationships, or those who’ve been storing tears for years as the body releases trauma. Sometimes I wish we’d just all let it pour out. Have one big cry fest. Really see one another and release without hiding behind those earbuds and weights. Not muscling through it to choke back the tears. Because hey, if you’re at the gym, we already know you’re strong. You’re covered there. Real strength comes from showing up as you are and the willingness to let people see. Because truthfully, we’ve all had things to cry over and there will be more to come. So from one gym rat and compassionate soul to another, I see you.

01/12/2024

If only life’s signs were this clear all the time?

As you move into the new year you might SEE a sign but also you might FEEL a sign that something needs to change in your life. Whether an addition or subtraction of something, feeling is often a great indicator that change is necessary.

However, If you’ve grown up with trauma, it may be hard for you to tap into and trust what you feel. Even for the little things. One aspect of trauma people seek to get back to is finding a sense of trust in themselves, others and in the greater world. Trauma rocks people’s core beliefs about all 3 of these areas and with it comes default beliefs like not feeling worthy, good enough, likable or even lovable along with a lack of trust in everyone and everything.

Trauma sometimes causes people to separate their head from their body, meaning people can use their head to think about how they feel but don’t actually feel it in their bodies. Starting sentences with, “I think I feel…” can be one indicator you are feeling with your head and not your body. While this is a protective mechanism to shield a person from tough feelings, it also comes with the downside of not listening to oneself. Focusing on what you SHOULD feel instead of what you DO feel may lead to coming from a well meaning but inauthentic place.

Learning how to connect your head to your body to use intellect, feeling, and intuition will help you find the direction you may be needing in your life. When this happens, the signs not only become clearer but the path starts to emerge. While it takes courage to make the first steps onto that path, following it is where core beliefs shift.