Amanda E. White, LPC

Amanda E. White, LPC Retired party girl turned relatable therapist, you may know me as my Insta handle !

Whether you are interested in sobriety, boundaries, self care, or something in between, I have relatable and actionable mental health tips for you.

I was terrified when I read stories of women online who shared that luxury for them now was sitting in the car alone for...
04/28/2024

I was terrified when I read stories of women online who shared that luxury for them now was sitting in the car alone for 5 minutes before picking up their kids from school or drinking a hot cup of coffee in one sitting.

I can say as a parent now, those are still not luxuries to me (though sleeping in definitely is). I have had moments of not recognizing myself. I have had periods where my business, marriage or personal life has suffered in favor of needing to prioritize my child.

I used to think this would be an abomination. My business always came first. I thought to myself, “if this ever happens, it means I have CLEARLY lost my way!”

Now I have a bit of understanding that to have a child is to be in a constant state of transition. There WILL be periods of time where you have to drop other balls in favor for your kid. When your child gets sick (and infects your household) for the third time in three weeks, you need to survive however way you can.

That may look like cancelling on a friend, giving up a professional opportunity, or sleeping with your child in your bed (even though you swore that would never be you!!) because that is the only way to survive right now.

Prioritizing survival to get through a phase does not mean you have lost yourself.

To keep reading this piece, check out my Substack “Fence Sitter”, link in my stories.

The weird thing about the choice to have kids… nobody is unbiased.Nobody can ever live their life having kids, then go b...
04/26/2024

The weird thing about the choice to have kids… nobody is unbiased.

Nobody can ever live their life having kids, then go back and not and compare and see which life was better. Furthermore, I think for most, once you have kids you love them so much, you cannot imagine not having them.

I have never felt like I regretted having her…ever. I love my daughter more than I can comprehend. But I do still need time alone, and time away from her sometimes to remember that I am MORE than just her mother. I don’t think that makes me a bad parent.

And I don’t think that means that I hate being a parent. I think you can need and want time away from your partner and that doesn’t mean that you hate being married.

However, I also don’t think having children is necessarily the “better” life. I think it’s a different one. And I think a lot of us could be potentially happy with either.

That may be why so many of us sit on the fence for so long.

Would love to hear your thoughts! For more on this topic and to join a community of other previous or current fence sitter, check out my Substack “fence sitter”. Linked in my bio or you can search on Substack or DM me and I’ll send you the link!

For the first time since moving, becoming pregnant, giving birth, postpartum, massive changes in my practice; it feels l...
03/01/2024

For the first time since moving, becoming pregnant, giving birth, postpartum, massive changes in my practice; it feels like I can take a deep breath.

I can sink in. The fog of moving and being trauma and postpartum has settled and I can start to see again.

I’ve come out of bouts of depression many times in my life, but they never stop surprising or fascinating me.

How colors are more vivid. Sounds are more crisp. There’s more space in my brain, less intensity with thoughts.

There is more spaciousness in my body. I can take a deep breath without choking on it.

Often we don’t know how heavy the fog was until it lifts and we can see clearly. The same is true for depression and trauma.

For probably the first time in my life I’m not trying to use this space to get ahead, to create something, to mine my wis immediately for someone else.

I’m relishing in the space and slowness and trying to process everything.

So if I’m a little quieter on here, you know why. I’m trying that to skip this phase. It feels important. It feels like a lot of hard earned wisdom will come out the other side and I don’t want to miss it by making it productive.

Hope if you relate to any of this at all, you can give yourself that same grace too.

Primary needs aren’t the same as basic needs (like food, water, shelter etc).⁠⁠Primary needs include things like love, c...
03/01/2024

Primary needs aren’t the same as basic needs (like food, water, shelter etc).⁠

Primary needs include things like love, connection and belonging!⁠

When these aren’t tended to, we end up doing wonky stuff, especially in the context of when our primary needs aren’t being met in a relationship. We will subconsciously seek other ways to get our needs met, often not in a direct way.⁠

I also often think of this in terms of addiction and other maladaptive coping skills. If we don’t tend to our emotional needs, we may use substances to numb our emotions and get that need met.⁠

It’s important to learn how to identify your needs and learn how others can meet them so then you can learn how to ask for what you need! And to look inward and identify what you need so you can take care of yourself.⁠

What can you do to meet your needs today?⁠

ICYDK!!
02/27/2024

ICYDK!!

Does this happen to you?I feel like I have to remind myself (and clients) of this once a week.Especially on social media...
02/22/2024

Does this happen to you?

I feel like I have to remind myself (and clients) of this once a week.

Especially on social media, our expectations of ourselves, our relationships, our homes, our jobs… everything is skewed.

Most of life isn’t isntagrammable. It’s not high highs or low lows. It’s the in between. Just because it isn’t shown much here doesn’t mean it’s not happening behind the scenes.

Let me know if you relate to this and what your thoughts are!

Can we have a nuanced conversation about this?This has been something that has really frustrated me online lately. That ...
02/16/2024

Can we have a nuanced conversation about this?

This has been something that has really frustrated me online lately. That something possibly being a trauma response means that we can’t have a conversation about it.

Or that just because something is a trauma response for someone else, doesn’t mean every person who acts this way is acting in a trauma response.

What do you think? Please engage thoughtfully!

If you want to understand where someone’s advice is coming from, ask them why they think what they do.Ask them what expe...
02/13/2024

If you want to understand where someone’s advice is coming from, ask them why they think what they do.

Ask them what experiences they’ve had or what they value.

Simple example- someone tells you they hate X restaurant because the food is bad and they say don’t go.

What does “bad” mean? Do they like the same food as you? Do they have the same values as you about what makes a restaurant good?

Most of us don’t ask these questions and most giving advice don’t often pause to think about if their advice applies to others.

Has this happened to you before? Do you relate? Let me know in the comments!

If you struggle with self sabotage you aren’t broken or crazy or lazy.You may be afraid. But you are also highly skilled...
02/13/2024

If you struggle with self sabotage you aren’t broken or crazy or lazy.

You may be afraid. But you are also highly skilled at creating a feeling of safety for yourself (even if in the long run this behavior is maladaptive).

Rather than labeling behaviors as good or bad or right or wrong, I think it’s really powerful to look at how all our decisions and actions serve us in some capacity.

My addiction and eating disorder really served me for a long time... until they didn’t and I couldn’t stop.

It took me a long time to recognize that maybe I wasn’t crazy or f’ed up, I was just doing my best to cope. And sabotaging myself, or being in control of things not going well felt better and safer than allowing myself to be hurt by someone or something else.

Please be compassionate to yourself.

And if you start to practice self compassion, I think you may start to see the patterns of self sabotage and skills at creating safety can be channeled in a different way.

Can you see how your self sabotage was a way that you created a feeling of safety?

Let me know!

Hello, just your friendly reminder 🫠🫠
02/09/2024

Hello, just your friendly reminder 🫠🫠

Not everyone can meet your needs. Not everyone can fulfill your requests. You aren’t wrong for asking *and* they aren’t ...
02/08/2024

Not everyone can meet your needs. Not everyone can fulfill your requests. You aren’t wrong for asking *and* they aren’t wrong for not being able to.

Lately I’ve seen a lot of black and white language saying if someone doesn’t say yes or can’t meet your needs, screw them!

And sometimes if it’s not a good fit, you should leave. But sometimes just like how we need to learn how to ask for what we want, we also need to learn how to tolerate someone saying no to us.

Both skills are important. We need to also learn distress tolerance.

What do you think?

Please note I am not speaking about abuse or being in a harmful situation that is hurting you mentally, physically, etc.

Anyone else? It is a good perspective shift. The amount of time and energy I spent trying to change my body, what a wast...
02/08/2024

Anyone else? It is a good perspective shift. The amount of time and energy I spent trying to change my body, what a waste. I’m sad for the girl who essentially wasted her entire adolescence and early twenties.

I mourn for the individuals still trapped.

Also I could absolutely say the same about drinking too! Drinking was ruining my life and I wasted so much time doing it and then trying to fix all the mistakes I made when I was drunk.

Would love to hear from you!

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Philadelphia, PA

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