Society Hill Psychiatry

08/21/2022

Important to remember

"Tantrums are a sign that a child's body has shifted into the "fight or flight" pathway of the nervous system. The fight or flight pathway launches behaviors that are involuntary, instinctual survival based, ie; not 'on purpose'."
— Dr. Mona Delahooke ()

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05/07/2022

Most of us don’t intentionally shame our children, but still be aware that, to an extent, it’s most probably deeply programmed somewhere in their brains, from before their earliest memories.

Because, when your baby stuck their fingers in a plug socket, while firmly saying ‘NO!’ was absolutely necessary, that kind of teaching is so powerful at such an early age, because it’s shame doing the work.

And accept that without shame, because that was an essential part of keeping them alive.

But when your child is ‘over sensitive’; when their behaviors are confusing, dramatic or over-the-top; when they give themselves (and you!) a hard time, even when they’re sad'; it’s often just because shame is driving the bus.

Empathy and connection; not problem-solving; are your allies in those moments.

And because you’re in charge of programming growing brains, try to steer clear of shaming yourself, even in your moments of less-than-ideal parenting.

Instead show your children how to be self-compassionate... How to be a perfectly imperfect, flawed human being. It’s one of the greatest gifts we can ever give our kids

💥 Brought to you by one of Neurochild's Brain Trust, Jo Stockdale with Well Within Reach
For the full post, visit: https://cstu.io/7ceba6

04/13/2022

The reason implementing boundaries can be so difficult is because nobody wants the conflict that often ensues.

We all know that fulfilling parenting is less about ‘𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦?’ but, especially while we’ve got far too much on our 𝘰𝘸𝘯 plate, it’s too easy for our big ego to step in and insist ‘𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦’.

Regardless of the issue, we insist that the same blanket-rule should apply, but it's that inflexibility and rigidity that can dismantle all our ‘peaceful parenting’ dreams, in a heartbeat.

Here’s 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 between a child who works 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 you, and not 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 you.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢 𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢.

Here are 𝟱 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 with your kids!

𝟭) 𝗧𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀

If your child hates setting the table, is it SO important?
Can they do another task and 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 be helpful?
Having a sense of '𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳' in the proceedings; rather than being overpowered; is key to avoiding combat.

𝟮) 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲

Give children notice around those points, offering countdowns wherever possible; i.e. 10 more mins, 5, 2 and 1.

𝟯) 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂?

Don’t assume that, because your child is nodding, that they’ve heard you; when they just want you off their back, they’re not really tuned in.
Ask them to look up, and at you, and to repeat to you.

𝟰) 𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 ‘𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲’

Yes, children may want it their ‘own way’, but they probably don’t like fighting any more than you do.
So, BEFORE the trigger point arises, explain your concern, then ask for 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 input. It's always going to be easier to implement boundaries that your child’s agreed to already.

𝟱) 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗪𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲-𝗥𝗼𝗼𝗺!

There's a lot of power in a little negotiation! If agreeing to two more minutes is the difference between a meltdown or not, it's not you 'giving in'.

Boundaries make for security, predictability and consistency; all very useful for children who’ve lived with a great deal of uncertainty in recent times; but they don’t have to be an electric fence!

💥 Brought to you by one of Neurochild's Brain Trust, Jo Stockdale with Well Within Reach
For the full post, visit:
https://cstu.io/c2465c

03/30/2022

"The less autonomy a child is given, the more they will try to assert control over every tiny little thing, in an attempt to get it back. And the reverse is also true. The more autonomy a child is given, the more easily they will be willing to give up control when necessary, because it doesn't threaten their sense of autonomy."
—Blimie Heller

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03/07/2022

When phones are taken away as punishment kids tend to withdraw from their parent. Learn why taking a phone away isn't always a good idea, and get advice about when parents should step in.

11/29/2021

Studies show that when a child’s is being affected by or any strong emotion, the area of their brain responsible for logical thought and cognition (as well as memory!) is compromised as a result.

This is why we ‘can’t think straight’ when we’re upset, worried or under pressure. The frontal cortex or ‘higher thinking brain’ quite literally isn’t as accessible as it would be if your child was emotionally regulated.

If you want your child to start a nerve-wracking situation with their best foot forward, you need to be intentional in helping your child feel emotionally grounded. The process of helping your child work through their big emotions is not as overwhelming as it may sound. There are a few basic things you can do:

🎈 Stay connected— Having a safe landing place (not just physically but emotionally!) is crucial for your child to feel supported and confident in school. Finding at least a small amount of time each day to set down your phone to be present with your child will help to meet their need for love and attunement.

🎈Establish a ritual— Creating rituals to help ease separation anxiety is another wonderful way to keep the parent-child bond strong and provide a relational buffer for your child’s back to emotions. Some ideas for rituals that establish connection and bonding:
• Special handshake to use right before and after reconnecting
• Your child gets to pick a special meal for the night before the event
• Giving your child something of yours they can bring with them and use as a physical comfort (ie scarf, bracelet, hair tye etc)
• Create a mantra your child can repeat to give them confidence
• Go on a shopping date to prepare together
• Leave lunchbox notes for them to help them feel loved at lunch.

🎈 Give them a safe place to talk— As parents, we all fall into that the trap of talking way more than we listen when it comes to interacting with our child. Being listened to and feeling understood is deeply therapeutic for your child and plants essential seeds for raising an emotionally intelligent child.

🎈 Being intentional with preparation— Kids are concrete thinkers and need a little help when it comes to grasping complex subjects like scefules and timelines. There are lots of ways to make preparing fun and more concrete:
• Making a countdown calendar or paper chain
• Bring your child to get clothing, lunch groceries, supplies etc
• Role-playing scenarios such as lunchtime for younger kiddos
• Visiting the place, such as a classroom, ahead of time
• Reading books about the event to your child
and making a list of questions your child has about it
• Write a story with your child about the day.

🎈 Allow your child some control— A very powerful component of managing stress for humans is feeling some degree of agency or control over your life. Allowing your child to help with simple decisions such as outfits, backpack designs or what they want for lunch will go far to help them feel more secure in an overwhelming situation.

🎈 Be an encourager— Listen to your child’s concerns but seize opportunities to breathe confidence and excitement into conversations. Find out what their favorite parts of their day is and tell them the strengths you see developing in them as time passes.

The secret to an awesome time in independent situations starts with you. With a foundation of emotional intelligence and a strong parent-child relationship, you’ll be setting up your child for an excellent experience.

https://cstu.io/9270a5

10/25/2021

"Children don't learn independence.
They grow independent.
And they do it naturally in their own time, just like they learn to crawl and walk and talk in their own time.
The simplest and most effective approach to growing independence is, ironically, to meet children's attachment needs.
It is trust that frees children to grow, explore, and develop, not forced independence or broken attachments."
—L. R. Knost

✨ If you would like to be kept in the loop on everything Neurochild please submit your details here http://bit.ly/neurochild-connect

10/23/2021

Excellent advice here

When parenting a child with ADHD, these discipline tips may help as they mature.

08/22/2021

06/12/2021

Society Hill Psychiatry has moved! New location is
1531 Cherry St, Philadelphia Pa,
19102.
We are providing in person and virtual sessions. Contact us at
www.societyhillpsychiatry.com

08/12/2017

Because this disorder can be a real pain.

07/06/2017

05/16/2017

Tips for kids with ADHD/ executive functioning issues