11/11/2025
Brené tells a story about her daughter’s classroom, where the teacher used a marble jar to encourage good behavior. When the class made good choices, marbles were added. When trust or respect was broken, marbles were removed.
Later, Brené used this as a metaphor for how we build trust in relationships:
> “Trust is built in very small moments.”
Each time someone shows reliability, keeps a confidence, listens with empathy, or honors a boundary, it’s like adding a marble to the jar.
Each time someone betrays trust, gossips, or dismisses your feelings, a marble is taken out.
Over time, the fullness of the marble jar represents the strength and safety of the relationship. It’s not built by grand gestures, but by consistent, small acts of integrity and care.
She also identifies the key elements of trust with the acronym BRAVING:
Boundaries — respecting what’s okay and not okay
Reliability — doing what you say you’ll do
Accountability — owning mistakes and making amends
Vault — keeping confidences
Integrity — choosing courage over comfort
Nonjudgment — allowing others (and yourself) to ask for help without shame
Generosity — assuming the most generous interpretation of others’ words and actions
So, when we say “trust is a marble jar,” we mean:
Trust grows one marble, one act, one moment at a time — and it’s those little moments that ultimately determine the depth of our connection.
