02/10/2022
Blog today: Lately I have been experiencing the feeling of numbness, if that's even a feeling. Because there are no feelings that are being experienced. It's like complete emotional depletion. I explained this "feeling" to my own therapist, yes, again, I have a therapist. Lol. So, she had me close my eyes and go internal ("Go internal" was phrase my father used each and every year as we would decorate our Christmas tree with 10x strings of lights (exaggeration) as he would orchestrate where each light bulb should go. This phrase had nothing to do with mental health when he used it but the irony in that phrase speaks volumes.) Anyway, after closing my eyes for a couple of minutes my body began to take automatic deep breaths. The word "calm" came to mind and the feeling followed. I began to take notice of the sound of the TV which I quickly realized was a distraction. I muted TV and kept my eyes closed. The next word that came to mind was "peace" and tears began to fall. I expected a different response when I closed my eyes and it wasn't calm and peace. She and I quickly realized that the numbness that I had been feeling was due to what feels like complete chaos in my life. Complete disorganization and overwhelm. So, basically, in a nutshell, I have been checked out and was left with complete numbness. Going internal made me realize this and it only took less than 5 minutes to find myself again. If you can relate to this, set a goal for yourself to take a few minutes each and every day to stay in touch with yourself by shutting out complete distraction, sit by yourself, with your eyes closed, and just breathe. Stay in the light my friends.
