Indigo North

09/03/2025

“You have to love yourself first” sounds wise… but for many survivors of complex trauma, it can feel invalidating and impossible to have this platitude smugly and casually thrown their way repeatedly when trying to express their desire for connection. When you’ve never known safe or secure love growing up, self-love doesn’t just happen. It can actually feel downright impossible.

I’d never suggest depending on a partner for healing, but it’s equally unhelpful to act as if love, connection, and security should be withheld until someone reaches some undefined level of self-esteem.

Doing the work matters. Learning to love yourself is a complex and essential part of healing, and it absolutely improves your chances of building healthy attachment. But being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love in the meantime. Stop condemning people for being human.

08/30/2025

Not every relationship with someone high in narcissistic traits looks explosive or overtly abusive. Sometimes it’s more subtle: a partner who resents being ‘inconvenienced,’ slowly stops putting in effort, and leaves you feeling taken for granted. Over time, you find yourself working harder and harder to earn back the attention and care they gave in the beginning. These dynamics can quietly chip away at self-esteem and create a power imbalance rooted in seeking approval. Subtle doesn’t mean harmless — and it’s important to recognize these patterns too.

Disclaimer: While I specialize in helping individuals recover from emotionally abusive relationships — particularly those involving individuals who exhibit traits commonly associated with the dark triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy) — I do not diagnose anyone I have not personally assessed. This includes clients’ partners, parents, supervisors, or any other third party.

I believe that psychoeducation about dark triad traits, narcissistic abuse, and relationship power dynamics can be empowering and validating for survivors. I also trust my clients to be the experts of their own lived experiences. However, it is important to note that narcissism as a personality trait exists on a spectrum and is distinct from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a formal mental health diagnosis requiring comprehensive clinical evaluation.

As such, while I may provide psychoeducation about the dark triad, narcissistic traits, or abuse dynamics to support understanding and healing, I do not confirm or assign diagnoses to individuals I have not directly evaluated.

05/11/2025

Traumatic cognitive dissonance is what happens when the same person who hurt you is also the one who showed you love, warmth, and tenderness.
The “good times” were part of the abuse cycle.
Dark triad traits fall on a spectrum, and people aren’t easily distilled into villain-shaped memories.
But clinging to Dr. Jekyll is often what keeps survivors stuck.
Psychoeducation helps you understand the full complexity—without minimizing the harm.

02/11/2025

Growing up as the family scapegoat means carrying blame that was never yours to hold. It’s being misunderstood, criticized, and isolated—not because of who you are, but because of the roles others needed you to play to avoid facing their own flaws. This chronic invalidation can lead to complex PTSD, shaping a life marked by self-doubt, emotional flashbacks, and a deep sense of unworthiness. Healing starts with recognizing the truth: you were never the problem. You were the mirror they refused to look into.

01/22/2025

Check out my profile for more info on booking with me, my approaches to therapy, and the populations I serve.

https://therapist.com/clinician/jessica-payne-70520/

01/21/2025

Check out my blog posts and videos on my website to learn more about complex trauma and healing from emotionally abusive relationships:

Blog Posts & Videos

01/16/2025

Narcissism doesn’t look the same in everyone—and gender can play a significant role in how these traits show up. While men often display overt behaviors like dominance or grandiosity, narcissism in women tends to be more covert, showing up as emotional manipulation, relational aggression, or even a hyper-focus on appearance. These differences can make female narcissism harder to spot, but no less impactful.

Understanding these dynamics is key—especially if you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse in a relationship, friendship, or family. Awareness is the first step toward healing and reclaiming your confidence.

01/13/2025

The fawn response, a trauma response characterized by people-pleasing and prioritizing others’ needs to avoid conflict or gain approval, may seem adaptive in the short term. However, it can have surprising and long-term negative effects on our mental health, relationships, and personal growth. Here are some ways the fawn response can hurt us…

01/13/2025

Not all therapists are trained to understand the complexities of narcissistic abuse and relationships involving dark triad traits. Finding a therapist with a niche focus in this area can make all the difference in your healing journey. This specialized support helps you process your experiences, gain closure, and rebuild your confidence to move forward with clarity and strength. You deserve to work with someone who truly gets it—and who can guide you toward a brighter, healthier future.

01/10/2025

Check out my profile on Google for announcements on groups, psychoeducational videos, blog posts, directions to the office, and other offerings.

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01/10/2025

Stop wasting your precious energy trying to convince the wrong people to see your worth. It only depletes you and dims your light. If someone doesn’t appreciate your magic, it doesn’t mean it’s not there—it just means they’re not your person. There are people out there who will see you, love you, and cherish you for exactly who you are. Focus on them. Focus on you.

01/08/2025

Therapy with me is about deep self-awareness, intentional growth, and the courage to rewrite your story. Ready to take the first step? Let’s start this journey together.

jessica@indigonorthllc.com

(734) 386-0238