07/18/2025
For decades, the prevailing message to children was: “Your feelings don’t matter. Just do what you’re told.” Emotions were seen as inconvenient, even disruptive. As a result, many adults today are unlearning emotional suppression.
But in our effort to correct the past, we’ve overcorrected.
We’ve gone from ignoring kids’ feelings to letting them run the show. A child is disappointed, so we cancel the plan. A child is frustrated, so we change the rule. A child is anxious, so we remove the challenge.
Here’s how I see it: We need to do something no generation before us has done: not shut down our kids’ emotions, not let kids’ emotions dictate what we do. We need to learn to hold both: Feeling and boundary. Expression and leadership. Validation and authority.
It’s our job to make decisions we believe are best for our kids. And it’s our kids’ job to have feelings about those decisions.
Our boundaries shouldn’t dictate their feelings... and their feelings shouldn’t control our boundaries.
This is what sturdy parenting looks like.
