Jeevan Singh, Somatic Pelvic Healing & Healer Mentorship

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United States
Portland, OR
Jeevan Singh, Somatic Pelvic Healing & Healer Mentorship

The techniques work by bringing the body back into a state of living balance.

Somatic practitioner & (soon to be) doctor of East Asian Medicine, offering 1:1 womb & pelvic healing sessions, embodiment coaching, and embodied business coaching, as well as workshops and group classes in Portland & virtually. THE ARVIGO TECHNIQUES OF MAYA ABDOMINAL THERAPY® (ATMAT) is a profound system of healing that seeks to bring balance back to the body through the abdomen and pelvis. Combining effective traditional sobada of Central America with a modern understanding of anatomy and hemodynamics, ATMAT involves a series of non-invasive, external massage techniques over the abdomen to guide internal abdominal and pelvic organs back into their proper positions for optimum health and well being. They do so by relieving congestion and blockages to improve the flow of vital energy and fluids of the circulatory, lymphatic and nervous systems to prevent the progression of chronic disease. This results in improved organ function by releasing physical and emotional congestion from the abdomen. I have personally witnessed amazing results from this work, including greatly reduced or eliminated pain during menses, fertility enhancement, decrease of fibroids and cysts, decreased digestive complaints, more balanced emotional body and so much more.

06/19/2023

Today we remember that womb work is ancestor work. And that the Collective Womb holds the living archives and current beliefs, stories and memories that shape us as humanity, that shape our bodies.

Our ancestors speak to us and live in our bodies. Our ovaries (whether physical or energetic) house ancestral memory and story. And each of us gets to do the work of our lineages, to feel what those before us could not feel, weren't allowed to feel, or were blocked off from feeling, so that we can actually work through some of this s**t together.

Within the wounds, may we arrive to wonder and wisdom, collectively and individually.

Happy Juneteenth, you all. ❤️

Love, Jeevan + .school

09/16/2022

In traditional East Asian Medicine, the Lung organ relates to Autumn and the element Metal.

The Lung meridian begins in our bellies, moving through our digestive organs, and then up to the organs related to our voice - our diaphragm, lungs and throat.

Autumn and the Metal element relate to Virgo's sense of discernment and Libra's love of justice. Metal asks us what it means to be in integrity with ourselves and our communities.

For this reason, Autumn is a magical time of year to connect with our voices, asking:

"What is my most authentic expression?"

"What is my true voice?"

"How can I use my voice in service to collective liberation and healing?"

Just like Metal is sharp and clear, like a bell that rings, when we are grounded into ourselves and our life force, our voices will be clear and strong, without being apologetic or using our voices as "power over" another.

Just like Metal is sharp and clear, like a bell that rings, when we are grounded into ourselves and our life force, our voices will be clear and strong, without being apologetic or using our voices as "power over" another.

To explore the connection between your voice and root in this resonant season of Autumn and Metal, we hope you will join us for our upcoming workshop with Marissa.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS WORKSHOP & many more at www.wombschool.com or through link in bio.

09/10/2022

We woke up this morning to pink skies turning orange. Our bodies viscerally remembering the wildfires of 2020.

The fear of living in a forested area with only one road out. The grief as we watched our tall sunflowers against a backdrop of red skies, as we watched the birds and all life outside grow eerily quiet. It was so dark the birds stopped singing.

In traditional East Asian Medicine, there is the understanding that human beings are impacted by AND impact our environments.

Not only are we affected by weather patterns and seasonal energies but we also affect the weather and seasons.

It seems to me that part of the grief and bizarreness of these times is forgetting our relationship to the natural world.

Of forgetting that we are inseparable, mutually dependent, belong to Wholeness.

Forgetting that when humankind lives in this excessively Yang way - consume, deplete, faster, harder - that the Earth also experiences this.

East Asian Medicine is organized around a central aim: to harmonize the energies of Yin and Yang.

As we are in this time of climate grief, I ask you and myself to reflect on these…

• What is the relationship between your rest and your doing?

• What is the relationship between your consuming and your digesting? How you take in the world and how you metabolize, sit with and process it?

• What is the relationship between your receiving from the Earth and your offering to the Earth?

• What is one way your ancestors lived that could be helpful in these times?

Prayers today for cool sips of Yin waters over this land, for our rest, for our pause, for our turning towards the Earth, for us asking the Earth and our bodies that are the Earth: What do you need? What can we offer you?

03/19/2021

PELVIC 🐚 RE-EMBODIMENT
Many of the people I work with come to me because they have this sense of profound disconnection from their pelvic bowls / womb spaces. There are so many reasons for this - trauma, societal conditioning, shame, culture, gender identity, never actually getting the chance to intimately learn how to be with our own bodies.

Together, we work on their journey towards re-inhabiting this part of their bodies as a place that is safe, welcoming & integrated. From this baseline of safety, my clients are able to start gently waking layers of pleasure, creativity & agency that have been sleeping here.

For the last few years, I have wished for a way to bring this work to more people, at an accessible price, & in a way that was not just me - in a way that was truly harnessing the energy of the womb + body by working in collaborative wholeness with other amazing practitioners.

Well, my dreams are coming true! 😻

This next week, the brilliant babes 😻😻😻 & I are opening the EARLY BIRD 🚪 doors to Womb 🌺 School - a 9-month seasonal immersion into the world of the pelvic bowl !!!

Each month there will be offerings, including seasonal energetics & attuning to the menstrual cycle, pelvic steaming for embodiment, making & working with flower essences for womb wellness, anatomies of pleasure & more!

I am so, so, so excited to have this offering become available, especially as I take time off from 1:1 work before & after baby comes.

JOIN THE WAITLIST (link in bio) to get the link for Early Bird 🐣🐣🐣 - coming in the next week !!!

Ask your questions about Womb School below 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

03/10/2021

BABY 💐 SINGH KEO
Today is my birthday 🥰

And I am thrilled to finally be sharing this sweetest news with you all, my community.

Touk and I are having a baby!!! (This is me at 19 weeks - first pregnancy, body in metamorphosis, tiny dolphin kicks felt at night.)

This has been years in the dreaming, a year and a half in the preparing, a pandemic, two donor heart breaks and one very special earth angel donor later… WE ARE HERE.

So blessed to be calling this strong and tender spirit into the world. Our summer sun lion babe. Conceived on the first try (to my surprise!).

Q***r baby making is no joke, ya’ll. Q***r BROWN baby making can be even more complex.

This literally couldn’t be possible without our donor - one of the most special humxn beings we have both met Heldáy .cabron He has been such a generous, kind and present friend throughout this process. We are sharing, with permission, who our donor is here because a) he is magic and we hope that you will also celebrate his art, activism and personhood and b) we want to destigmatize the processes (there are many!) of q***r baby and family making.

WELCOMING COMMUNITY SUPPORT
Next week we are opening our registry to friends and fam. If you are interested in supporting our family (I will not be working for several months, adoption fees - non-birthing parents in q***r relationships have to adopt their own children, birth support care), we welcome your love in all the forms! I will share the link when it’s made! Thank you!

10/21/2020

THE LOSS OF WHAT WAS ⌖ AND WHAT NEVER BECAME

There are many flavors to our grief. ⠀
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Sometimes we grieve the loss of what was and is no longer. ⠀
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And sometimes we grieve the loss of what could have been, but never became.⠀

Maybe you can relate, as we come to the close of 2020 (in the Gregorian calendar), turning to the past - what has been lost, what we expected this year to be, what it is, turning to the future and the unknown.
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Grief has been a central energy which has continued to come up - in my life, in my clients’ lives, in the lives of friends and family.⠀
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Guiding clients through rituals and practices around grief, the first thing we do is to make space to feel the grief. To gently turn towards grief.⠀
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Have you made space for yours?⠀
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In a few weeks, Kirin Bhatti and I will be announcing a very special autumn workshop on the healing & ritual of grief. This workshop will be for BIPOC only.⠀
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Join the waitlist through the link in my bio to be the first to know when registration opens!⠀
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PS We will also be holding an October Earth of My Body BIPOC healing circle - stay tuned for more details soon. 💗

10/19/2020

GUARDING OUR ENERGY ⦾ IN THE SEASON OF AUTUMN⠀
〰️ How do you gauge your own energy?⠀
〰️ How do you guard it, how do you nurture it?⠀
〰️ What does it mean to embody your energy?⠀
〰️ What tells you “enough” in your body?⠀
〰️ How does this correspond to the cycles of nature?⠀
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Lately, I’ve been away from the IG as I have been following my own energy and autumn’s. I’ve given so much for so long (can you relate?), that I’ve been feeling my body’s desire to guard my energy, to contain it and hold the preciousness of my own life force.⠀
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Every time I take a “break” from IG, there’s a nagging feeling that comes up. For many of us babes in small business & humxns who love to connect with other humxns, this is where we engage with our communities, clients, students, etc. In the age of Instagram, so many of us have attached our work AND our worth to this platform. ⠀
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I wonder:⠀

〰️ How do we get to unhook from depending on this platform as the main place we connect with one another? ⠀
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〰️ How do we get to detach from the belief that our worth relies on what we produce on this platform (especially & )?⠀
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〰️ How do we honor the cycles in nature and phases in our lives to fold in time for rest, pause, and retreat?⠀
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⦾

In this season of autumn, nature hugs towards itself. According to classical East Asian medical theory, the energy that was building and expanding to its peak at summer solstice is now bowing back towards itself.⠀
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Full inhale. And now the exhale.⠀
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Can you feel the exhale of autumn in your own body?
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What in you wants to exhale? Release?⠀
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⦾

If you would like to stay in touch, my autumn intention is to refocus some of my energy into my newsletters. ⠀
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One is a monthly-ish newsletter for everyone. The second is a quarterly (for now) newsletter for fellow healers babes in small biz. It’s called Somatic Business Magic.⠀
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Come find me there! Links to sign up are both in my bio or jeevansingh.com/links 😻🌿💗

10/05/2020

BEING ⁌ WITH ⁍ GRIEF⠀
Sometimes we grieve the loss of what was and is no longer.⠀
The people, the places, the experiences, the epic eras of life. ⠀
And sometimes we grieve the loss of what could have been, but never became.⠀
That tree on the verge of flowering until the second frost came.⠀
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I am feeling both griefs today.⠀
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The grief of the world before 2020. Of humxn touch. Of naked faces. Of seeing the smile, not imagining it there behind the mask.⠀
The grief of the Earth. Forests swallowed up in fires. Houseless animals. Including humxns. A spiritual kind of houselessness that marks present humxnity in its relationship to the Earth. ⠀
All of us looking for home - in literal and not so literal ways.⠀
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The grief of what could have been. ⠀
Another corner turned.⠀
The strange hope of inviting in a baby in these times.⠀
My heart is in its rainy season.⠀
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And yet, even while I’m drenched in this grief,⠀
I can’t imagine going “back” to “the way things were.”⠀
And I can’t imagine that the future is unfolding in any way other than what it’s meant to.⠀
This fire is shaping us in important and unexpected ways.⠀
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I’m not here today to ask for words of condolence or “I’m sorry” - ⠀
But rather to be witnessed in grief. ⠀
To be allowed to grieve and not have to “fix” grief.⠀
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To understand that while I am experiencing grief,⠀
I’m simultaneously experiencing so much love,⠀
Joy, wide open possibility for what is here.⠀
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That it’s okay for all of these to be here. ⠀
My joy does not negate my grief.⠀
My grief does not negate my joy.⠀
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And to not have to “do” anything but be with them.

10/02/2020

THIS ⦾ CUP⠀
This cup as round ⠀
& full ⠀
as the moon⠀
⠀
This cup of cha⠀
(chai)⠀
⠀
Each grandmother ⠀
makes it her own way⠀
⠀
Cardamom crushed⠀
in her Punjabi teeth⠀
maybe ginger⠀
⠀
Strange that a drink⠀
that the colonizer offered⠀
to make us work harder, longer, less hungry⠀
could feel as close to me⠀
as my own breath ⠀
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Maybe it’s the cardamom⠀
(That’s how Bibi made hers)⠀
⠀
Narati ⠀
9th night⠀
⠀
Devi⠀
goddexx / divine deity⠀
⠀
Narati Devi⠀
Big laugh
Grandmother⠀
Voice rough as gravel
Bibi⠀
Bright Moon
My grandmother ⠀
⠀
Offering this cup ⠀
to you

07/27/2020

WHAT IS BUSINESS ANYWAYS?⠀
Lately I’ve been asking myself this question, as the fragility of capitalism shows, as individually and collectively many of us are committing more deeply to what it means to live and practice anti-racist healing.⠀
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The word “business” itself holds little magic for me. But the offering of my work, the co-creating with clients, the dreaming into ways to support groups of rad people, the ways that my healing is your healing is our healing… this is what I’m here for. ⠀
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I LOVE being a healer in small business. I LOVE getting to make it up as I go. I LOVE both the freedom and interdependence of it. I LOVE that I have no choice but to meet my own growth and change through the transformative experience of having my own business.⠀
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I don’t really work for myself - I work for my clients. I work for my community. I work for our ancestors. I work for the Earth. There are no “bosses” in this structure of working and living.⠀
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I love what my South Asian elder Hiro Boga says about business. ⠀
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She says that each of our businesses has its own “deva” or spirit. This deva has its own wise intelligence. And as healers in small business, we get to collaborate with the devas of our businesses.⠀
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I’ve been asking myself for some time now - what does it look like to shift what it means to “be in business”? What does it look like to approach my work collaboratively - with the deva of my business, with folks in my community, with clients, with my body, with the Earth?⠀
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What does it look like to carve a new way? Together.⠀
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Are you wanting this, too???

In just a few days (!!!), I'll be opening a very special offering specifically for VISIONARY HEALERS IN SMALL BUSINESS who are wanting a new way - a way that insists on interdependence, a way that challenges the toxicity of white supremacy-capitalism, a way that relies on the wisdom of our bodies-hearts and trusts in our ability to imagine something entirely new.⠀
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This offering is called Sacred Fire. Learn more and sign up for the waitlist through the link in my bio or jeevansingh.com/sacred-fire

07/24/2020

FOR YOU ☽ SELF-COMPASSION PRACTICE ⠀
May our self-compassion pave the way for our self-responsibility.⠀
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May it be the radical moment to moment meeting of ourselves.⠀
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May it be a practice of making space for what is.⠀
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May it allow us to meet each other where we are.⠀
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When I am able to meet myself with self-compassion, my capacity for loving you is that much more.⠀
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May we be agents of change for the compassionate liberation of all people, in the realness of our humxn experience and each other's.⠀
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💐⠀
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I have been doing a super simple self-compassion practice lately that I wanted to share with you all.⠀
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While we weather these wild and wildly important times.⠀
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As always, I hope this body-centered, earth-based practice supports you in your embodiment and our collective healing.⠀
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Get it FOR FREE on my website. ⠀
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And let me know what you think of this practice!

💐

Thank you to spirit sis for these beautiful flowers & the continual reflecting of love.

07/20/2020

EARTH OF MY BODY ⦾ BODY OF THE EARTH⠀⠀
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THIS FRIDAY 7/24 at 4pm PT⠀⠀
✨Offering for our BIPOC Community ✨⠀⠀
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Join Kirin Bhatti (she/her) & Jeevan Singh (she/her, they/them) .co for this BIPOC-only group healing session. It is free and open to anyone who identifies as Black, Indigenous or as a person of color.⠀⠀
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🌿 In this 75-min. healing session, we will lean into somatic and earth-based wisdom to help guide us back into our embodied alignment and ancestral resilience. This month we explore themes of pleasure & rest in our healing.⠀⠀
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🌑 We recommend finding a quiet space with minimal distractions while in the class. We also welcome you to be outside for the session, if it is safe and comfortable for you.⠀⠀
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🥰 We would love to see your gorgeous selves - with video on AND we completely honor your privacy, should you want to stay off video.⠀⠀
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🐚 What to bring: A bowl of water & a flower.⠀⠀
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💗 To those who sign up, you will get the link to join once you register. We will re-send the link one hour before we meet this evening. ⠀⠀
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Register by 12PM PT THIS FRIDAY:⠀⠀
On Zoom through the link in my bio ⠀⠀
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Donate:⠀⠀
We invite white friends & folks to share their support & appreciation of BIPOC healing by donating to - check out their bio link for ways to support⠀⠀
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Learn more about our work here:⠀⠀
Kirin Bhatti brownswellhealing.com⠀⠀
Jeevan Singh jeevansingh.com

🌺🌊⠀
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We would love it if you all want to share this event! Thank you for spreading the word. 🙌🏽⠀
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Excited to see you on Friday!

07/19/2020

RECOGNIZING OUR BOUNDARIES, PT I⠀
In this time of uprising, knowing our boundaries is the groundwork for speaking up - in moments of indirect and direct aggressions - towards ourselves and others.⠀
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Recognizing our boundaries does not come automatically for many of us - especially when there’s been trauma.⠀
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Some of us may not get the internal cues that signal when a boundary is getting crossed. ⠀
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Some of us may get the signals, but then not know how to respond.⠀
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Many of us have had to learn our boundaries as adults.⠀⠀
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I’ve been asking myself - how do I speak up in the presence of injustice (which is also a boundary violation) when I don’t always recognize my boundaries?⠀⠀
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Boundaries, for me, were super confusing - from childhood & well into my 20’s. I get why.⠀⠀
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Growing up with a caretaker who was both loving & abusive.⠀
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Growing up in non-white family cultures that prided themselves on pushing onto (food, affection, opinions), instead of asking.⠀
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Growing up in a societal structure where womxn were quiet & men spoke, where misogyny & racism was normalized.⠀
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Growing up in a body that taught me that white folks held the power & I did not.⠀⠀
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Acknowledging the ways my boundaries were never fully formed allows me to have compassion for myself - when I am unclear, when I freeze. It allows me to see what’s happening so I can change course. It also allows me to feel my agency now - as an adult - & continue on this lifelong learning of my boundaries.⠀⠀
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Learning my boundaries as an adult has been one of the most clarifying, stabilizing & safety-creating factors in my personal healing.⠀
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Knowing my boundaries as a healer is imperative for the work I facilitate.⠀⠀
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[READ FULL POST IN BLOG - LINK IN BIO]⠀⠀
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🌺🌺🌺⠀⠀
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If you are interested in stepping into a place to safely explore this topic of boundaries, this is work I facilitate in all of my offerings, both 1:1 & in groups.⠀⠀
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For my healer babes, we will be exploring our boundaries - in our lives & work - in Sacred Fire - a transformative circle for visionary healers.⠀⠀
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Learn more & sign up for the waitlist here: jeevansingh.com/sacred-fire

07/16/2020

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY⠀
You know what? It’s okay to not be okay.⠀
It’s okay to not have it figured out.⠀
It’s okay to lack clarity.⠀
It’s okay to have no idea about the future.⠀
None of us do. ⠀
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🌊⠀
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As folks who co-facilitate healing or folks who have been on a healing journey, there can be pressure or expectation that we have it “figured out” somehow. That because we have all the tools and practices, we are somehow riding through unscathed. ⠀
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But we are humxn. We get overwhelmed, shut down, anxious, angry, afraid… And that’s okay. It’s more than okay - it’s real.

It’s being in these animal bodies.
It’s being in our raw aliveness.⠀
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We’re living through a bananas time, babes. A time that none of us have ever lived through on this global scale. Anyone who tells me they’ve got it “figured out” right now, I’m like “Mmmhmm 😒😹.” ⠀
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As a non-Black, brown q***r person. As a babe who has devoted much learning and practice to working with my hands with people in person. As someone who thought this year I’d be doing more in-person than virtual work (😹😹😹). As a q***r babe calling down a baby spirit in a pandemic. Most days I’m like 😱😱😱. ⠀
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With all of the inner resources, practices and wisdom to lean on, with my loving connection to spirit, to my ancestors, to the greater meaning of this moment in time, I still feel messy, overwhelmed, scared and uncomfortable.

And that’s okay.⠀
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It’s okay that I have no idea about the future. How can I?⠀
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Instead of doing my usual in the face of big discomfort - which is to retreat - I wanted to try something different. To go towards it, to be in connection with it, to share it here. ⠀
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Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for being here for the unknown and the unfolding. I’m so glad to be here with you. ⠀
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This is it right here, isn’t it. Being alive. Being humxn. Together.

07/13/2020

OUR PELVIC BOWLS IN OUR BUSINESSES⠀
As a whole-systems based healer and as a healer in small business, it is impossible for me to separate the world of my “business” from the world of my “well-being.” My “business” is the living container for the heart work I offer. Its well-being cannot exist without the warm breathing presence of myself, my clients and our communities. ⠀
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This year I stepped into supporting fellow healers in discovering what it means to run “well businesses” and open to the self-healing that is available on this wild journey that is being a healer in small biz.⠀
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I bring the lenses of East Asian medicine and mindfulness-based somatic healing into my work with embodied business clients. Together we embark on what it means to practice and tend to the ecosystem of our work in an embodied, ethics-aligned way.⠀
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I am so honored to have had a chance to sit with .co of to discuss the relationship of our pelvic bowls and our businesses! And how to source the power of our pelvic bowls within our businesses. ⠀
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Topics we discuss include⠀
➳ The way our bodies tell stories & hold beliefs⠀
➳ The energetics of our pelvic bowls & the wisdom within⠀
➳ Our relationship to money & how it’s related to our pelvic bowls⠀
➳ Practices that we can use to support balance & healing ⠀
➳ The ritual of bleeding & a reframe on bleeding ⠀
➳ Aligning our businesses with our menstrual cycles or moon cycles⠀
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I love Phoenix’s holistic approach to business and our shared belief that as patriarchy crumbles, we get to create our own new way in business. ⠀
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Listen to the episode through the link in my bio. 😻⠀
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🌿⠀
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Interested in embodied business mentoring? Learn more here: jeevansingh.com/embodied-business⠀
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Also, now is the time to sign up for the waitlist of Sacred Fire - a special embodied business circle for healers that opens in a few weeks!

07/10/2020

DISMANTLING OUR INNER POLICE⠀
The word “dismantle” means to “deprive, raze, destroy, tear down.” Yet if you trace the footsteps of this word back to its earliest origins, it means to “remove the cloak.”⠀
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Before I go further, this post is NOT commentary on the outside institution of policing. It is about the ways we unconsciously act violently, oppressively & unjustly towards ourselves.⠀
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I approach healing & humxnness with the belief that no part of us is “bad.” There ARE parts of us, though, that have adapted strategies & behaviors in order to get a need met. Sometimes these strategies & behaviors are self-harming.⠀
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I’ve been noticing the ways I’ve internalized the energy of policing in my own system, in often unconscious ways. Parts of me that are violent, oppressive & cut myself down. Parts of me that want to yield power over other parts of me. Parts of me that want to ban my own words before I’ve even thought them.⠀
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This inner violence comes from modeled behaviors, from an oppressive society, institutions and family system. It has also adapted out of a need for survival & protection. ⠀
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I used to push these parts of me away, almost burying them alive. ⠀
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My practice has shifted over the years. I no longer try to exile these violent parts of me, but actually stay with them long enough to DISMANTLE them. To consensually remove the cloak and see what’s underneath. ⠀
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Who are you in there? What role are you trying to serve? ⠀
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Dismantling my inner violence means calling on energies more established than humxn inventions. I call on the Earth, on my ancestors, on my inner elder self - this ancient, central place in me that is so clear-seeing and so loving.⠀
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Together, we stay. We stay long enough to remove the cloak. To see what’s underneath. And you know what is often there? A tender child self, a part of me that feels scared & alone. ⠀
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Dismantling my inner violence is a process of staying present, of removing the cloak & tending to the hurt beneath it, of showing my inner police that I’m safe now. We’re safe now. Power gets redistributed.⠀
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This is a daily, moment-by-moment process. This is part of decolonizing my body with self-compassion.

07/07/2020

Two years ago today, our community showed up in the most meaningful and beautiful ways so that we could have our magical union.⠀
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It became more than a celebration of love between two q***r bbs. It was our naming and recognition that the health of our love doesn’t exist without the loving presence of our community. We are not meant to do this alone.⠀
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Touk, thank you for always reminding that no one person can ever or should ever be looked to as a whole family, an entire circle of friends, a forest. We actually NEED our family, our friends, our forest, as much as our partnership. ⠀
⠀
When I let go of the “should’s” in our relationship, that’s when I really get to see you wholly - in your wisdom, your deep love and magical imagination. I love you!⠀
⠀
Community, thank you for being the safe, warm nest to our q***r love. To each person that was there, and the friends and family who we would have wanted to be there, we love and appreciate you so, so, so much.⠀
⠀
💗🥳💗

06/28/2020

CHILD BETWEEN THREE OCEANS 🌊
I exist neither here nor there. I am a child born between three oceans. ⠀
⠀
In some ways, I feel my cultures. In some ways, I am an orphan to them.⠀
⠀
Being raised with an Indian dad, I can trace cardamom leaves in my blood. I taste flowers of pandan, rose and flakes of gold.⠀
⠀
Being raised with a 2nd generation Ecuadorian-Puerto Rican mom, I crave platanos maduros in my sleep and ask the five burroughs if they will give me back what our family gave to them in exchange for “belonging.”⠀
⠀
But there is so much I don’t know. The way the olive tree flickered at me in southern Spain, the spirit of that plant telling me that not everything from my Mediterranean blood is ugly.⠀
⠀
My grandmothers who were first here, who lived on these lands since time itself began, and whose roots were forcefully cut by colonization and exiled by colonial-driven stories. Grandmothers, you have been singing to me.⠀
⠀
The colonizers in my blood who took and r***d and erased.⠀
⠀
I cannot speak Punjabi fluently, but the drum of its tongue beats as though it’s a sixth sense in me.⠀
⠀
I understand Spanish pretty well, but my fingers comb the air looking for my pre-colonial ancestors. Who are you? What are your names? What are the names of our people, our languages? I don’t even know how to begin looking for you. I feel you walking with me, and also feel the grief of having lost you before ever meeting you.⠀
⠀
Being raised in the “never enoughness” of either camp with the world projecting their own ideas onto you - who you are and where you come from. ⠀
⠀
Being raised in the rich ambiguity that threatens the “purity” of culture and identity. An offering to stretch even wider.⠀
⠀
When just BEING makes others uncomfortable because they can’t fit you into tidy even boxes. When just BEING softens you to let others just be, too. ⠀
⠀
This is my story. Tell me yours.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🌊 🌊 🌊
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Words by me, first posted May 2018
Sipping my own medicine today, after a long grief session

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