07/10/2020
DISMANTLING OUR INNER POLICE⠀
The word “dismantle” means to “deprive, raze, destroy, tear down.” Yet if you trace the footsteps of this word back to its earliest origins, it means to “remove the cloak.”⠀
⠀
Before I go further, this post is NOT commentary on the outside institution of policing. It is about the ways we unconsciously act violently, oppressively & unjustly towards ourselves.⠀
⠀
I approach healing & humxnness with the belief that no part of us is “bad.” There ARE parts of us, though, that have adapted strategies & behaviors in order to get a need met. Sometimes these strategies & behaviors are self-harming.⠀
⠀
I’ve been noticing the ways I’ve internalized the energy of policing in my own system, in often unconscious ways. Parts of me that are violent, oppressive & cut myself down. Parts of me that want to yield power over other parts of me. Parts of me that want to ban my own words before I’ve even thought them.⠀
⠀
This inner violence comes from modeled behaviors, from an oppressive society, institutions and family system. It has also adapted out of a need for survival & protection. ⠀
⠀
I used to push these parts of me away, almost burying them alive. ⠀
⠀
My practice has shifted over the years. I no longer try to exile these violent parts of me, but actually stay with them long enough to DISMANTLE them. To consensually remove the cloak and see what’s underneath. ⠀
⠀
Who are you in there? What role are you trying to serve? ⠀
⠀
Dismantling my inner violence means calling on energies more established than humxn inventions. I call on the Earth, on my ancestors, on my inner elder self - this ancient, central place in me that is so clear-seeing and so loving.⠀
⠀
Together, we stay. We stay long enough to remove the cloak. To see what’s underneath. And you know what is often there? A tender child self, a part of me that feels scared & alone. ⠀
⠀
Dismantling my inner violence is a process of staying present, of removing the cloak & tending to the hurt beneath it, of showing my inner police that I’m safe now. We’re safe now. Power gets redistributed.⠀
⠀
This is a daily, moment-by-moment process. This is part of decolonizing my body with self-compassion.