11/27/2024
Big thanks to Heather Cary, Divorce Coach, for this great piece about how to survive the holidays during separation or divorce. There are some great suggestions that could be of help...
Worried about how you'll get through this holiday season?
That makes perfect sense. The holiday season, often painted as a time of joy and togetherness, can feel particularly challenging if you're separated or divorced. It can feel like a whole bunch of pressure to put on a happy face and do all the usual things.
But during separation or divorce, 'usual' goes out the window. Navigating the festivities while dealing with emotions of loss, change, or loneliness requires a thoughtful approach.
Here are some strategies to help you get through the holidays and even find moments of peace and happiness.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It's okay to feel sad, angry, or lonely. Acknowledge these emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what was and the changes that have come. Bottling up emotions can intensify the stress, so give yourself permission to feel and process them.
2. Create New Traditions
One of the most empowering things you can do is to create new holiday traditions. Whether it's trying out a new recipe, volunteering, or going on a holiday trip, new activities can bring fresh joy and help you redefine what the holidays mean to you.
3. Lean on Your Support System
Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you can provide comfort and alleviate feelings of isolation. Whether it's a phone call, a video chat, or an in-person visit, connecting with loved ones can make a big difference.
4. Focus on Self-Care
Use this time to practice self-care. This might include indulging in your favorite hobbies, taking long walks, enjoying a good book, or pampering yourself with a spa day at home. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being can boost your mood and resilience.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
Understand that it's normal for the holidays to feel different post-separation or divorce. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the celebrations. It's okay if things aren't perfect; what matters is that you're making the best of the situation.
6. Plan Ahead
Having a plan can provide structure and reduce anxiety. Decide ahead of time how you want to spend the holidays. If you have children, work out a schedule with your ex-partner to ensure that everyone gets quality time. Knowing what to expect can help you feel more in control.
7. Embrace Gratitude
Practicing gratitude can shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have. Keep a journal of things you’re thankful for each day. It can be as simple as a sunny day, a good meal, or a kind word from a friend. Gratitude has a powerful way of uplifting your spirits.
8. Be Kind to Yourself
Be gentle with yourself. The holidays can be tough, but remember that it's okay to have mixed feelings. You're doing the best you can, and that in itself is something to be proud of.
Remember, the holidays are just a season, and like all seasons, they pass. With a little planning and a lot of self-compassion, you can navigate this time with grace and emerge stronger on the other side.
9. Seek Professional Help
If you're finding it particularly difficult to cope, consider seeking the help of a therapist, counselor or coach. Professional support can provide you with strategies to manage your emotions and navigate this challenging time.
