03/02/2023
I’m not sure I could have ever guessed that this is where I would be 10 years ago.
It’s funny how life does that to us, or rather, for us.
I’m currently sitting at the exact same location that I worked at 8 years ago now.
It’s dream like here, with the fireplace next to me, a chair so comfortable I feel like a woman in the 1920’s who had a bellboy pull her chair out and push her in just right.
The snow is falling in big flakes, almost as if from an old movie and there’s someone on the roof outside dumping the fake stuff down below, just to curate this moment for me.
Magic.
I ran from this place 8 years ago.
I was the massage therapist in the spa downstairs - no windows, I never knew what time is was besides for the timer pushing me from one session to the next.
When I say I ran, I mean I left this place and hopped on a plane with my husband to move to an island I had never been to.
If you had asked that version of me who couldn’t WAIT to go what I thought I’d be doing now, I’d laugh without a concern in my mind that I would have settled into island life with a tan that was so permanent, I’d never see this pastey colored faced of mine again…
So funny how life over delivers for us on a platter full of unexpected “holy sh*t” moments,
I panic ran, and panic came back.
I’m sitting upstairs now, there’s a window right in front of me, I’m not stuck in the dungeon anymore exploiting my energy in a way that sucks my soul dry,
I’m writing to you. I’m the freaking CEO now. I’ve chosen this, every detail of it, down to the snow falling, warm fire and comfy bell boy chair.
I get to write to you. I get to walk out happily in just a few moments to pick this boy up from his art class.
I get to not know what happens next,
And I am finally here for the fullness of that feeling.
I don’t want to know anymore,
Because if this is what letting go of control gets to be,
Mmmm, I just don’t want to.
And it’s 11:11 🫶🏼