03/08/2021
Let’s talk about the loss of the motherhood experience we wanted.
⚠️ Often, we are given a “daisies and rainbows” picture of motherhood:
• Being able to conceive the second you decide you want children.
• The pregnancy glow.
• The movie-esque “my water broke, let’s rush to the hospital for one big push!”
• The perfect 1-hour delivery with make up and gorgeous hair.
• The perfect snuggles immediately after birth.
• The natural latch and ease of breastfeeding.
• All the baby snuggles and family and help.
• The easy postpartum recovery.
• The exact amount of children you always wanted.
• And no emotional issues throughout except the desire to eat pickles and ice cream...at the same time!
The reality is, there are so many different variables (way more than those listed above!) that could be less than ideal during family planning, pregnancy, labor, delivery, and postpartum.
And when our experience doesn’t match our expectation, often based on what we’ve been told or seen, it can be devastating.
This particular loss, the loss of our idea of motherhood, how we wanted to parent, who we wanted to be and how we wanted things to work out, can feel like we got the rug taken out from under us. This experience can be identified as grief.
💖 So what helps?
• Allow yourself grieve. Feel the sadness and loss. Identify the losses you’re grieving.
• Think/talk through this: use this as a journal prompt, as a conversation starter with a trusted friend or therapist or support group.
• Share your experience so others know they’re not alone.
• Take care of your physical and emotional needs as you’re sitting with and moving through the grief.
• Understand this doesn’t make you a bad parent! You can mourn your loss of experiences, while loving your child and feeling gratitude.
Know that it’s okay to grieve your motherhood experience. It’s okay to recognize the loss of what you wanted to have happen versus what actually happened. Your feelings are valid.
What are some of the motherhood losses you’ve experienced? Tell us below 👇
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