07/23/2025
Ever hear your child say "Nobody likes me" or "I'm so stupid"? As parents, it can feel like we are social detectives, trying to find the clues behind why our kids engage in such negative self-talk. While occasional thoughts like these are part of growing up, frequent negative self-talk may indicate concerns such as depression. One common denominator to such negative self-talk involve cognitive distortions, or lies that our brain tells us for understanding one's self, relationships, and experiences. For example, "All or None Thinking" is illustrated when a child may say “I’m so bad at soccer - I'll never play in a game again!” after playing poorly in one game. Other factors highlighted by the Child Mind Institute include:
Perfectionism: A child with high standards for herself may lose motivation and have difficulty with task initiation because the goals are too difficult to reach.
Social Protection: Kids may say self-deprecating things about themselves, like “I’m so fat!” to fit into a group where obsessing about one’s appearance is valued. They may also do so to “beat others to the punch,” that is, to say something bad about themselves before others do.
Attention-seeking: A child might talk out loud about being “a terrible child” to get attention
Limited resilience: some children respond to disappointing situations with negative self-talk, which may lead to avoiding similar situations in the future even though the challenge may be beneficial for the child’s growth.
Bullying: Children who deal with bullying may internalize the bad things other children say about them, contributing to a negative inner monologue.
At the Portsmouth Neuropsychology Center, we are here to help your child learn coping skills to reduce negative self-talk and improve overall adjustment.