07/01/2025
When we think of successful kids, many of us picture straight-A students, sports trophies, and college acceptance letters.
But after years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships, Iâve found that true success is more about raising kids who are confident, emotionally secure, and deeply connected to themselves and the world around them.
The parents who really understood this embraced sometimes unconventional strategies that prioritized curiosity, a love for learning, and emotional intelligence over societal expectations.
Here are nine things they did differently early on:
1. They worked on themselves.
Instead of worrying so much about how their kids reacted to challenging situations, these parents understood that their behavior would influence their childâs level of resilience. They modeled mental and emotional strength by being mindful of how they managed their stress in front of their kids.
2. They refrained from always saying âgood job!â
Instead, they encouraged reflection with âyou should be so proud of yourselfâ or âyou worked very hard on this â how does it feel?â
While well-meaning, âgood jobâ can create reliance on external approval. These parents focused on fostering intrinsic motivation, helping their child take pride in their own achievements.
3. They focused on their relationship with the child.
Through quality time, active listening, and shared experiences, they made their kids feel valued, safe, and understood. This also fostered the childâs confidence to take risks and thrive.
4. They didnât punish their kids.
They avoided punishment, knowing it builds resentment and disconnection, not skills. Instead, they let natural consequences teach lessons.
For instance, if a child forgot to do their homework, they faced explaining it to their teacher â a chance to learn responsibility and problem-solving. This approach built accountability and resilience.
5. They didnât reward academic achievement.
Instead of offering rewards for good grades, they focused on cultivating a love for learning. Whether their child excelled or struggled, they kept the focus on growth and made it clear that grades didnât define their worth.
6. They valued questions over answers.
They encouraged their kids to ask âwhyâ and âhow,â rather than simply accepting the ârightâ answer. This fostered curiosity and gave their child the confidence to challenge the status quo â key traits of future leaders.
7. They let their kids teach them something.
Whether solving a math problem or explaining a favorite game, these moments gave kids a sense of importance. By stepping back and letting their child take the lead, these parents showed respect for their childâs abilities and nurtured their self-esteem.
8. They made reading a daily habit.
Reading wasnât a chore â it was woven into daily life. Whether picture books before bedtime or novels on lazy afternoons, reading became a natural and enjoyable part of their world, fostering creativity and a lifelong love for learning.
9. They taught their kids to embrace their emotions.
They treated emotions as valuable, not something to fix or avoid. When their child was upset after losing a game, for example, they might have said, âI can see how much this matters to you. Itâs hard to lose something you care about.â This simple validation helped their child process emotions and build resilience.
Raising Successful Kids
Reem Raouda
