05/06/2026
I’ve been circling around why so many of us suffer from “everything i do for myself always falls off as soon as life gets busy.”
that might be swimming, yoga, reading a book on your porch, cooking a delicious meal, journaling, going to girls night…you name it- ANYTHING that give you energy, passion, excitement, joy, health, or peace
Why do these disappear off the calendar like some elusive ghost that slips through your fingers as soon as work and family demands mount?
I noticed this for so long in my life and it was a huge factor in leading to my burnout
I work with women everyday who suffer from serious anxiety and the root- all this stuff is gone out of their life. There is ZERO space on their calendar for THEM. It’s like they exist to serve others.
so yea anxiety is a normal response!
Then I found the term “Human Giver Syndrome” popularized by the Nagaski sisters in their burnout book that likely compiled many other ideologies and theories.
and it all clicked.
In short- The idea is that human givers (women) exist to give everything that they are and everything they have to others (the human beings). AND we have to look pretty, be nice, calm, happy, composed, generous, and attentive to others while doing it. To do anything else is selfish, against the natural order, and we deserve punishment for acting in any other way.
So if there is giving to be done (hence the busy schedule) we HAVE to get rid of anything for us because that has to come last for us to stay safe. If we do something for us INSTEAD, while there is still giving to be done, that feels horrible, dangerous, and uncomfortable.
Those negative feelings of course would drive our behavior because our nervous system wants to keep us safe and secure.
This is insidious yet pervasive in our culture. It is like a virus that perpetuates its own existence.
The power of this awareness is RELIEF- I see now why i was doing what i was doing. this was my first step in changing my behavior. Not by fixing myself but realizing the larger system at play. it gave me permission to change.
Let me know in the comments if human giver syndrome resonates with you! ⬇️