09/07/2025
“My Empty Boat
There’s such a horrible feeling of loneliness that becomes such a big part of the daily trauma of someone we love dying.
People always want to know why we aren't over it. What they don’t understand is it's not because it hurt the day they died, or a year ago, or even 60 years ago, it's because we live with the loneliness of missing them every day.
There’s something exhausting about that.
It doesn't mean we can’t be fully alive, or that we can't fill the years we have left with wonderful times and meaningful moments.
I’ve started to think of my life each day as being in an empty boat that’s drifting toward an unknown future. I have the option to leave the boat empty, or I can go into the world and find wonderful things, people, or whatever I want and need to fill it up.
Here’s the thing…I have to fill up my own empty boat now.
There will be no more physical presents from the person I love. But I think in some way, I’m still receiving gifts on a spiritual level. It’s like I’m still being cheered on to find the special things, and people, to add to my boat.
Loneliness is one of the biggest challenges of grief. It’s a constant battle to stay afloat and not drown in it. So I keep drifting and searching.
No matter how many new things I put in my boat, I still sometimes feel lonely.
But it does make me less lonely to know that there are so many people who understand how I feel.
So many people who are willing to get into my boat, who know that memories are a strong force, and that a relationship, and love, don’t end because of a death.
It’s these people…I most want in my boat.” - “Surviving Grief”
www.stephysplace.org
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