06/25/2022
If a loved one has Depression and you've never experienced it....
Many clients who suffer from depression tell me their friends and family don't understand what they are going through. If you have never experienced it, clinical depression is debilitating in ways that are sometimes hard to describe. I like the metaphor of trying to wade through jello: Everything - and I mean everything - is exceedingly difficult. Mornings are often the hardest. Your loved one who is depressed may want to hide in bed all day, with thoughts that things may never improve. They may have passive or active suicidal ideation - wishing they didn't exist because it would relieve their suffering. Basic self care such as brushing teeth or showering can be incredibly difficult. Extreme fatigue, brain fog that prevents them from reading or absorbing or focusing on anything is common. But one of the most common symptoms is ANHEDONIA. A fancy word for loss of interest in things the person was previously interested in. The inability to enjoy hobbies, food, and even the connections we find so meaningful as human beings. This can be one of the most painful symptoms. It's like being robbed of one's humanity.
Imagine living like that. It's important to understand that depression may not present as sadness, but rather emptiness, and feeling "flatlined" .
People who have never suffered from depression often offer "helpful" advice to a loved one: "Get out and do something - go out with friends" etc. While it's absolutely true that being around friends and family is important for depressed people, they often hear this caring advice as if they are to blame for their depression. It may makes them feel like they are failing and thus , increases their despondency. If you have a loved one who is depressed and you have never experienced it yourself, just spending time with them and not asking them to do something can be a relief. Of course - encourage them to join you in an activity . But just visiting them, sitting in silence, and most of all, asking if they want to explore their feelings with you can be very comforting. You don't have to be an expert. Just listen, empathize and try to resist the urge to "fix" it. Encourage them to seek therapy , and to tell their primary care physician as well. According to the literature, the best treatment for persistent depression is a combination of psychotropic medication and therapy. Personally speaking, I support whatever my client's preference is and I provide psychoeducation on the benefits of both therapy and or medication, so that they can decide what's best for them.
