04/15/2024
April 14 ~ Nar-Anon Daily SESH Reading
GENERATIONS OF MARTYRS
How did I become such a martyr, sacrificing my own well-being as I tried to change and take care of others? As I listen to the committee in my head, I hear and understand the woman who raised me also had in her head the voice of a martyr. The church community I was raised in valued acts of self-sacrifice. Naturally, I believed this was how a good woman should behave, always giving to others and putting herself last. To behave otherwise would be selfish.
I married into addiction because it was familiar. I knew it so well from my childhood and it was prevalent in my community. My “committee” voice said, “I sacrificed so much for you! Yes, I took care of you as if you had no father, because I felt your father was too out of it to be a parent and a good influence.” Naturally, I was always stressed out. “Everything would be perfect if …” Yes, I spun my wheels trying to create the perfect marriage and perfect children.
In reality, my mother modeled to her children, and I later would model to mine. We taught our children to deny their needs, ideas, wants, feelings, and their souls for others. We were training martyrs.
Then I found Nar-Anon and learned that, although I loved the woman who raised me, I could take a different path. I could take care of myself and not feel guilty or selfish because I put my needs first. I also learned that catering to addiction only made matters worse.
Thought for Today: A martyr is somebody who makes sacrifices or suffers greatly in order to advance a cause or principle. When I make sacrifices to prevent the addict from the consequences of his actions, I am advancing the addict’s disease.
“How much a family is affected by substance abuse depends on how long they have lived with it, how advanced it is, how much shame and secrecy surrounds it, and the roles and responsibilities of the person with the disorder. If the problem is left untreated, family members will also develop destructive behaviors, such as denial, enabling, and co-dependency.” ~ The Partnership for a Drug-Free America
Copyright © 2007 by Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters