01/30/2026
The Truth About Low Desire 📢
We often hear couples express the same frustration: "We love each other, but the spark is just... gone." This shift from passionate partners to polite roommates is one of the most common reasons couples seek s*x therapy.
Often, the culprit isn't a lack of love, but a misunderstanding of Responsive Desire.
The Desire Myth:
Many people wait to feel "in the mood" (Spontaneous Desire) before initiating intimacy. However, for many individuals—especially those in long-term relationships—desire doesn't just strike like lightning. Instead, it is responsive; it emerges after physical touch or emotional connection has already begun.
Why the "Spark" Fades:
We see couples get stuck in a cycle of "waiting for the right moment" that never comes because:
Stress & Mental Load: The brain cannot prioritize arousal when it is stuck in "survival mode" or managing household chores.
The Pursuit-Withdrawal Cycle: One partner pushes for intimacy, causing the other to feel pressured and pull away, which further kills the mood.
Lack of Novelty: The brain craves newness, and long-term security can sometimes feel "too safe" for eroticism.
In our work, we encourage couples to stop viewing s*x as a spontaneous event and start viewing it as a cultivated experience. This means focusing on "context"—reducing stressors, scheduling time for physical connection without the "requirement" of in*******se, and learning how to bridge the gap between being lovers and friends.
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