Restoration Counseling of Rochester

08/28/2024

If you are parenting a Gen Z (born after 2010) child and noticing and anxiety or depression symptoms you may want to read this well documented book. It sheds light on why this is happening as well as tips to lessen the symptoms for your child.

07/19/2024

I always appreciate it when a celebrity is honest about their struggle and gives a shout out for therapy… and of course you know I love EMDR!

07/10/2024

FYI… from Spiritus Christi:
Mental Health Clinicians Needed: Volunteer therapists to see a minimum of two clients. Positions are open for psychiatrists, psych nurse practitioners, psychologists, LCSW’s, LMHCs and those that are working towards licensure. If you’re interested in learning more please call Amy at 585-325-1186 x114 or email [email protected]

I’m not part of the other MH FB group… if someone wants to post this over there as well please feel free.

Send a message to learn more

07/09/2024

I thought I might post up some of the latest and greatest in mental health research. Here’s one for you (courtesy of Tic-Toc - which is not empirically based =) that goes along with the sleep post from a couple weeks ago. Hint - perhaps “Bed Rotting” isn’t the best habit to take up...

“Bed rotting,” or staying in bed all day, has been touted as a self-care routine on TikTok, but it might actually make you feel worse. Here’s why that happens and how you can snap out of it

06/28/2024

“If you don’t have sleep, you don’t have anything.” – Joyce Wagner

We’ve reached the end of the alphabet & perhaps we’ve saved the best post for last! Sleep is, without question, the most important part of your day. Adults (ages 25-65) need 7-9 hours of sleep (to determine the exact amount you need check out the sleep calculator below). Sleep affects every part of your health and mental health. High quality slumber is linked to longevity as well as happiness. When you sleep your body and brain repair themselves; REM sleep is when your brain actively works to solve the problems of the day.

Unfortunately, 64% of adults report difficulties sleeping. Getting a good night of rest is affected by a host of factors including age, stress & pain levels, snoring & sleep disorders as well a variety of mental health issues. The study of which environmental and behavioral factors influence your dreamtime is called Sleep Hygiene. I encourage you to check out the link below to see if there are simple adjustments you can make to improve your quality of sleep. I also must mention the singular most important thing you can do to improve your overall mental health: go to bed and wake at the same time each day!! Please, read that again and make this habit a priority in your life!

Sleep is a huge topic to cover. It comes up a lot in counseling and there are various interventions to try depending on what sleep issues you are having. For the remainder of this post, I just want to discuss a few of the wholistic things you can do to improve your zzz’s.

Let’s start with how you eat. Your diet has everything to do with how you sleep – for those trying to shed pounds please know the only time you lose weight is while you are asleep. Sleep deprivation disrupts appetite regulation and glucose digestion, often leading to increased appetite & less metabolism! Bottom line, people who sleep better weigh less (and vice versa).

To improve the quality and quantity of your sleep eat a larger breakfast, a medium lunch and a small dinner (with no rich or fatty food). Also, don’t drink alcohol – while it will first as a depressant on your system ~2 hours later you pop awake (as if you drank caffeine). If you are a light sleeper or tend to wake early (also known as late insomnia) try eating a healthy fat snack before bed. While not exactly diet related – if you are having difficulties with sleep try sleeping on your right side. Why (you might ask) … this closes your left nostril which dampens left brain – thinking – activity) – who knew!

Foods proven to help you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer include chamomile, cherries, cinnamon, fenugreek, green tea, licorice root, probiotics as well as foods that include:
• GABA (walnuts, oats, spinach, beans, liver, mackerel)
• Healthy Fats (milk, eggs, cheese, avocados, nuts)
• L-Methyl folate/MTHFR/Folate (asparagus, broccoli, oranges, spinach, eggs, fish oil, etc.)
• Magnesium (spinach, figs, avocado, banana, beans, peas, asparagus, etc.)
• Melatonin (corn, asparagus, broccoli, walnuts, flaxseed. etc.)
• Stabilium (fish)
• Tryptophan (which breaks down to 5-HPT) – warm milk, eggs, cheese chicken

There are also a host of supplements (amino acids, antioxidants, glandulars, herbs, hormones, minerals & vitamins) which aid in sleep. I will put the evidenced based ones below - but encourage you to check with your health care professional before starting any regiment. Seriously, please don’t take supplements without consulting a professional. You need to buy quality supplements and should use ones that target specific issues you are having – even those that are “healthy” must be processed by your body. More importantly than buying a bottle of pills would be making the dietary changes that would incorporate these substances into your body naturally.

That being said, a gentle supplement to begin with would be the 3 sisters of sleep (valerian, passionflower & hops) – you can often find these blended together as a tea. Other options include:
• Cannabis
• Lavender
• Lactium
• Lithium Orotate, Lithium Protate
• Magnesium (what is found in an Epsom Salt bath)
• Melatonin (although this is often overused, especially in children – you may want to try other options first)
• Phenibut
• Primrose
• Progesterone (women); Testosterone (men)
• Skullcap
• Ylang-Ylang
• Vitamins: B3, B6, B12, B Complex or D

And then, let’s take a minute to talk about how you breathe while you’re asleep. For those who may be mouth breathers please know this practice dries your tongue, irritates your throat, increases blood pressure and leads to less oxygen in the brain. Mouth breathing also leads to insomnia, sleep apnea, snoring, bed wetting (and a host of other health and mental health issues). So, to improve your sleeping habits (and your health) it’s important to practice good oral posture and work to increase/improve your nasal breathing. I’ll put two links in the resource section below.

As I mentioned above, sleep is a complex issue, and other interventions may be necessary. If you are having sleep issues, I’m always happy to talk with you about what’s going on and your doctor is typically a good resource. However, for mild/moderate sleep issues try a couple of these proven suggestions and let me know how they worked. For now – happy dreaming!!

Resources:
• Sleep Calculator: https://startsleeping.org/sleep-calculator/
• Sleep Hygiene: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene
• Sleep Hygiene: https://www.thensf.org/
• Oral Rest Posture Recommendations: https://www.faceforwardomt.com/blog/2020/2/11/my-tongue-should-rest-where
• Oral Hygiene Exercise Overview: https://youtu.be/LpLJyytCpT0

06/23/2024

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. – Albert Einstein

Think for a moment of the last time you felt a sense of wonder. The last time you starred, wide-eyed, because you couldn’t believe the beauty before you. The last time you stopped breathing for a moment because you were startled and could only think - wow! The last time your heart skipped a beat and you were left with goosebumps. The last time you were moved beyond yourself to a place of inspiration.

In the field of psychology wonder is defined as “a heightened state of consciousness and emotion brought about by something singularly beautiful, rare or unexpected, that is – by a marvel. (N. Burton).” Brené Brown believes wonder (along with awe) “leads one to introspection regarding their place in the world”. On the feelings wheel wonder is often found sandwiched between surprise, curiosity and joy – although wonder is greater than each of these emotions alone. The sense of wonder often causes confusion and excitement (but not fear). When one experiences wonder there is a sense of reverence and astonishment, amazement and joy.
Among philosophers, wonder is argued to be the most important of all emotions (Bacon, Descartes, Hobbes, etc.). Plato and Aristotle famously claimed that all philosophy – all thinking - begins in wonder; Ralph Waldo Emerson asserted, “Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.” Astronaut Neil Anderson declared, “Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man’s desire to understand.” For Socrates wonder was the foundation for learning and all true wisdom. Wonder sparks curiosity and inspiration, which in turn stimulates new ways of thinking and ethical decision making. Clearly, our quest for knowledge has brought about some of mankind’s greatest innovations and achievements - yet, when thinking is exhausted – perpetual wonder remains.
Which is why wonder is the place where thinking, science, and religion intersect. Religious scholars contend wonder is the foundation of true worship and adoration. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel felt experiencing wonder was the key to living a worthy life. Other religious leaders from various faiths assert that wonder helps to heal our loneliness by drawing us out of ourselves and connecting us to something far greater. Wonder has been shown to strengthen relationships, increase collaboration, social connection, generosity and compassion. Wonder, as part of worship, simultaneously makes us feel smaller as well as part of something greater – transcendent.
And transcendence is the intersection where wonder and art connect. Wonder, as we’ve seen, often leads to curiosity - for some this inspiration includes the desire to create. Some artists describe wonder as a type of wounding – for others it carries with it a sense of wandering. Regardless, of how it is felt, wonder has likely been the impetus behind many of the works of art we admire and marvel at.
So, what does wonder mean to you? If you’re thinking you’d like life to be a little more wonder-full I encourage you to be in touch with the little kid part of you – he/she remembers how to find wonder in both the most ordinary and extraordinary places. As author E.B. White states, “Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.” Try being quiet… work on being curious … connect to yourself and others… notice the simple beauty that surrounds you.
I leave you with some fairly well-known and wonder-filled words from poet Mary Oliver - The Summer Day:

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

06/17/2024

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Note – this is another one of those “dense” posts… you might need to read it a couple of times (I did)!

Determining your core/personal values is one of the most worthwhile exercises you’ll ever undertake! More than any other factor, values guide your behaviors, influence your relationships, affect your decisions & (hopefully) lead to your personal & professional development. Before discussing how to figure out your values though… let’s start with some definitions:
• Core/Personal Values are the guiding principles you live by because they are important to you.
• Virtues are qualities considered to be desirable or moral. Virtues (hopefully) guide a person’s behavior & aid with character development. A virtue may be a value (e.g., authenticity, kindness, tenacity etc.) but values are not necessarily virtues.
• Beliefs are ideas about yourself, others & the world you believe to be true – regardless of the evidence. A belief can be a value (I am worthy, Other people are bad drivers, Global warming is a myth, etc.), but values are not necessarily beliefs.

Core values are formed during your childhood & remain fairly stable throughout your life. It’s important to examine the values you were brought up with & determine whether they still hold true for you today or if they are causing conflict - without doing so you become dogmatic. Values can be changed (very slowly) by two things – life experiences &, in particular, who you spend your time with. If you are not aware - you are influenced most (as an adult) by the five people you hang out with most – please take a moment to ponder this (then make adjustments if necessary)!

Unlike behaviors, values are typically abstract & difficult to define. There are many lists of values available to start you on your journey. I like working with a “Values Deck”, there are various paid versions of this deck, there are also free versions out there (see resources below). Sorting through these lists to find your top 1-3 values (did I mention, you only have 1-3 values that guide your entire life) will likely take considerable time & energy. Once you have your list narrowed down to your top value(s) it’s time to rank order them. This is where you must be brutally honestly & ask yourself what is most important to you in this life. Then, critically examine your priorities - you can do this by looking at how you spend your resources (i.e., your time & money) to see if your values & behaviors align. Once you know your top value(s), work to strengthen them by practicing them & developing your daily habits around them.

One quick, silly example that might help clarify this process. Let’s say I narrowed down my values & determined my #1 value was dental hygiene. How would I know if I this was true, & I was living my values? If it was truly my #1 value then I would think about & talk about my teeth all the time, I would also be brushing, flossing & going to the dentist as if my life depended on it. All that to say, if you proport to value something (like relationships, spirituality or kindness) ask yourself if your thoughts, words, behaviors as well as where you spend your time & money reflect this.

In previous posts we’ve talked about the importance of living congruently while also being a WYSIWIG (what you see is what you get) person – this is what living your values is all about. Some of the other benefits of knowing your values include increased emotional intelligence (a measure of self & social awareness). Specifically, this includes increased self-awareness/confidence/esteem/satisfaction, purpose, resilience & contentment. Living your values also leads to better decision-making skills, achievement of short & long-term goals, more ability to manage stress, anxiety & depression along with an enhanced sense of overall well-being!! Not that the list needs to be longer, but perhaps one of the most important benefits of knowing your values is the opportunity to live a life of personal integrity & fulfillment. Bottom line – please take the time to know & then live your values - they are your lighthouse during a storm, your compass in the fog, your anchor when times are rough, your North Star when you’ve lost your way & what you will be remembered for after your time here on Earth is through.

Reflection Questions:
1. What values were taught to me as a child? Were all of them positive? Do they reflect who I am today?
2. Who are the 5 people I spend the most time with? Are they helping me become my best version of myself?
3. Are my thoughts, words, behaviors & habits in line with what I say my values are? If not, should I change my behavior(s) or do I need to change my values?

Resources (Free Value Decks):
• https://www.think2perform.com/values/
• https://commoncausefoundation.org/values-deck/
• https://www.valuescardsort.com/index.html

Bonus – for the Christians:
• Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words (Phil 4:8, Luke 6:45),
• Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior (Eph 4:29, Prov 18:4),
• Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits (Rom 12: 2, Gal 5:22-23),
• Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values (Mark 14:10-11, 1 Cor 6:12),
• Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny (Matt 6:21 & 16:26). – Mahatma Gandhi (& Jesus)

06/02/2024

Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) is the foundation of Person-Centered Therapy (aka Rogerian Therapy), an approach to counseling that originated with Carl Rogers in the 1940s and 50s during his work as a clinical psychologist with children right here in Rochester, NY! When practicing Rogerian Therapy, it is the therapist’s job to listen well, ask a few clarifying questions, support when necessary and, most importantly, provide an utterly safe environment for clients to explore their difficult feelings (e.g., disappointment, confusion, anxiety, loneliness, fear, sadness etc.).

Within this atmosphere of complete non-judgmental acceptance (genuine respect and understanding for another’s experience and emotions) along with empathy (the ability to truly understand and share another’s feelings), clients are allowed to explore the deep parts of themselves in an atmosphere that is utterly safe and free of judgement. As Roger’s states “there is nothing a client could say or do that would be a reason to stop seeing them as inherently human and inherently loveable. It does not mean that you accept each and every action taken by the person, but that you accept who they are at a level much deeper than surface behavior (1952).” This emotional safety, in turn, leads people to greater levels of self-awareness, self-acceptance and insight, which paves the way for psychological growth to occur.

It's been close to 100 years since Roger’s came out with this framework and I think you’d be hard pressed to find a therapist today who doesn’t incorporate UPR into their sessions in one form or another (although at the time of its inception it was a radical departure from the likes of Freud, Skinner etc.). The theory is not perfect and has its critics – but studies continue to consistently demonstrate the importance of empathy as one of the most important factors in bringing about personal change. For me, UPR seems to have a lot (not everything) in common with Biblical principles (John 8:11, 13:34-35, Romans 2:4) – it’s also uncannily similar to the premise behind Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood (see quotes below) – could Carl and Fred Rogers be twins separated at birth?!

In any case I thought it might be helpful, for our purposes, to see if there was a way to take the best parts of UPR and incorporate them into our lives as students, parents, workers, Christians and/or good citizens. So, I leave you with the following reflection questions/challenges:
• Even if I don’t like all my behaviors, do I show genuine respect and empathy for myself?
• How do I create an atmosphere (even if it isn’t perfect) of non-judgmental acceptance towards others in my home or my workplace?
• How often do I practice empathy (active listening, suspended judgement, support, patience) with my family and friends?
• What practice of sincere compassion could I extend to myself or another this coming week?
Remember, it isn’t the destination, it’s the path that leads us there. Here are some Fred and Carl Rogers quote to motivate you to try:

Mr. Fred Rogers Quotes:
• When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.
• As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.
• The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile.
• Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.

Carl Rogers Quotes
• The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
• Powerful is our need to be known, really known by ourselves and others, even if only for a moment.
• Deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.
• People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are.

05/27/2024

Trust, for many, is arduous. The process of trusting inherently involves vulnerability, which often feels emotionally risky. How easily trust comes to you, in large part, may have roots in your infancy. Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist in the 1950’s, asserted that the level of trust we have in others and in the world at large was the first emotional ‘crisis’ we needed to work out. Specifically, he believed from 0-18 months of age, when we were completely vulnerable, we were determining whether our caregiver(s) could be relied upon to give us what we needed (namely food, safety & affection) in a consistent manner. If our caregiver(s) were dependable in these areas, we developed hope along with a sense of security that, even if there were struggles or disappointments, things would turn out right and we would be able to cope. If our caregiver(s) were neglectful or inconsistent however, our attachment to them and the world at large was more tenuous, and we likely developed more fear and insecurity. Where we land on the continuum of trust/mistrust becomes the foundation of how we view ourselves, the world around us and the relationships we have with others.

Erikson’s model is not perfect, but it has stood the test of time and aligns with other schools of psychological thought. If you were fortunate to have caregiver(s) who were reliable and loving (especially during your infancy), please go give them a hug, write them a thank you card or buy them a car – they gave you a profound and priceless gift! If you were not as fortunate, trust may never come naturally easy to you, but you can work to improve your view of self, others and the world. I offer the following as some tips to consider.

Foremost, I would say, you must learn to trust yourself. Using Erickson’s model as a guide, the first step would be the ability to know what you want/need. Whether it is a nap, a hug, a kind word etc., being in touch with your wants/needs is important. Once you’ve reconnected with yourself, the next step would be attempting to meet the want/need for yourself. Put another way - can you be a dependable, kind and trustworthy caregiver to yourself? This may sound foreign to you, especially if you haven’t spent much time alone or don’t know yourself well. However, providing nurturance to yourself is an important step in being able to extend that trust to others and the world around you.

When clients are working on this in counseling one of the exercises we try is to listen to your gut (aka your intuition, your Spidey 6th sense). If you aren’t aware that your gut is your second brain, take a minute to read about this phenomenon (I’ll put a link below). Listening to our gut is something children do with ease. For a variety of reasons, as we get older, we tend to make more decisions with our head – however, our gut instincts are typically much, much more accurate. There are various exercises you can try to help you get back in touch with your gut (I’ll put a link below). I do encourage you to try one or more and then make a minor decision using this approach – the results are typically positive – and will also help you in your quest to trust others.

I view trust in relationships like ice… earned little by little by someone saying what they will do – and then doing what they said – day in and day out. At the beginning of a relationship, when there is only a little ice, I encourage clients to be cautiously optimistic and find small ways to trust another. While the ice is thickening in the relationship it’s important to be patient - you can walk on the ice, tentatively, but be careful not to go too far too fast (or it will crack). At this stage taking safe risks and sharing more of yourself (appropriately) can be worth it. As the relationship is forming, I encourage clients to match their level of emotional vulnerability to the other person’s. You don’t want to be ‘emotionally naked’ while the other person is fully clothed (if you will). Once the ice is thick you can do many things – it’s a truly wonderful thing! Enjoy all the benefits of being emotionally intimate and vulnerable with the person who has rightfully earned the right and privilege of that type of access!

If there comes a time when a person acts in a way that is not dependable or they are careless with your feelings, cracks develop – and sometimes the ice breaks. If you are willing to extend trust again (which includes not assuming the worst and allowing yourself to be appropriately emotionally vulnerable) and the other person demonstrates honesty, reliability and attentiveness to your wants/needs the process can begin again.

Even though it’s important, there isn’t space in this post to get into what it means to place your trust in God. If I’m being honest, I think the process of trusting God may be more arduous than trusting others. I also believe God gets this. Interestingly, the Bible has five words related to trust – I think they are all true at various points in our life – I simply include them here as something for you to ponder:
• Aman: To be firm & sure in your trust (like Amen – so be it)
• Betach: A bold (but quiet) confidence. To cling to for nourishment.
• Chasah: To lean on for strength and security.
• Yachal: To hope (aka - know) something will happen.
• Bittachon: A moment - when you are face to face with God – and make an act of heart, will & emotions to put your hopes, dreams & desires into the care and provision of the Lord.

Resources:
• Your Gut as a 2nd Brain: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/gut-second-brain/
• How to Trust your Gut: https://hbr.org/2022/03/how-to-stop-overthinking-and-start-trusting-your-gut
• Brené Brown’s Anatomy of Trust: https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/
• Henry Cloud: Trust – Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It when It Gets Broken
• Podcast: Trust on Purpose (Charles Feltman)
• John Gottman: How to Build Trust - https://youtu.be/rgWnadSi91s

05/19/2024

All the time she kept saying, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...” Up, up, up. The little engine climbed and climbed. At last, she reached the top of the mountain. ~ The Little Engine That Could (American Folklore)

Self-efficacy is a term coined by Albert Bandura (one of my favorite psychologists) back in 1977. It is the “core belief that one has the power to produce desired effects” – in other words, the belief or confidence you have in yourself. Specifically:
• Do you think you can control your thoughts, feelings and/or behaviors?
• Do you feel you can influence your environment?
• Do you believe you can handle difficult problems?
• Do you have confidence in your abilities?
• Can you stay motivated to reach your goals?
• Can you remain calm and/or optimistic even in the face of stress?
• Can you persevere through difficulties and overcome internal/external obstacles?

When self-efficacy is high, individuals have a sense of curiosity coupled with a commitment to get things done. People with self-efficacy succeed at tasks and goals with minimal guidance, and then proceed to set higher standards for themselves. These individuals understand they have the ability to self-regulate their thoughts, emotions and actions. With this mindset, these same individuals recover quickly from disappointments and/or setbacks and continue towards the goal(s) they have set for themselves. Individuals with moderate self-efficacy have more self-doubt and therefore often make halfhearted attempts to change, they may give up if they run into difficulties, especially without additional support and guidance.
For those with low self-efficacy, the world is a place run by chance and beyond their personal control (for more on this look at the Locus of Control post). Without an internal locus of control, Bandura maintained, individuals do not possess the ability to regulate their thoughts, emotions or behaviors. As a result, these individuals often struggle with ineffective or incompetent belief systems, causing them to become preoccupied with themselves and negatively emotionally aroused. Their faulty cognitive beliefs (“My efforts are in vain”, I’m dumb”, “I’ve failed before”, “I won’t succeed anyway”, etc.) and negative emotions minimize successes and heighten failures. For this reason, motivation to do well is low, and challenging tasks are often avoided. If the individual does endeavor to make positive life changes, they quickly lose their confidence in their abilities once obstacles arise.
Bandura made an important discovery here. His research indicated a person’s self-efficacy was dependent on the context (or what he called domains). For instance, you may have a high degree of self-efficacy when it comes to academics, medium self-efficacy while at work but low-self-efficacy with regards to relationships (or sports, health, nutrition etc.). Your overall sense of self-efficacy began being formed in childhood, but it will continue to develop through your life. Rarely does someone have self-efficacy across all domains. If you feel your self-efficacy could use a boost in one or more areas try the following:
• Task Mastery. Bandura’s research shows the most effective way to strengthen your sense of self-efficacy is to master a task, which means you must try. It’s difficult to begin, but some tips to enhance your chances of success include: being well-informed about the task at hand, setting small, realistic goals (early success leads to later success) and tracking even small changes.
• Social Modeling. Watching another person (especially someone you feel is like you) work towards goals and succeed also helps; if you see a change in someone else, you can perceive it in yourself.
• Social Persuasion. Having someone monitor your behavior(s) and give regular, positive feedback is very helpful. It is important to pick the right person – they must be someone you respect and who will be encouraging - negative feedback at this stage can be quite detrimental. This person can also help you manage obstacles, whether they are internal (poor self-talk, low motivation etc.) or external (finances, lack of time or money etc.). If your original goals were too lofty, together you can set new ones.
• Managing psychological responses. Monitoring your emotional states is critical when attempting something new. It’s so important to choose to think in self-enhancing vs. self-debilitating ways – the former promotes the positive behavior you are seeking. The more positive your attitude the more likely you are to have staying power in the face of difficulties or disappointments.
Bottom line, your belief in yourself matters – a lot! Self-efficacy impacts your overall feeling of well-being; the more you believe in yourself the higher your self-esteem (i.e., how much you value and respect yourself) will be. Whether it is developing new competencies or making better choices, working to enhance your self-efficacy in an area where self-doubt prevails helps you develop coping mechanisms to deal with difficulties and challenges effectively. Do yourself a favor, make a bet on yourself and then follow through – you're worth it and you can do it!

Resources:
Albert Bandura: Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control
Self-Efficacy Theory of Motivation: https://youtu.be/Wd4A_m7RjLg
28 Bible Verses about Self-Efficacy: https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Efficiency