01/02/2022
Important to share💜
In the home I grew up in, achievement in academics and sports was my parents focus.
There was never a conversation about how I felt emotionally. If I was happy. Or any conversations around purpose. For my parents, education was important because they believed it would provide me a safe job + security. I learned quickly that achievement is how I would get praise or love from my mom. I prioritized achievements + at the same time I neglected myself spiritually + emotionally (just as my parents did— or anyone in survival mode does) In my 30s I realized I didn’t even know myself, which is common for many “overachievers.”
My parents are from a depression era. My mom grew up in poverty and struggle + she wanted better for her children. In her generation, there was no time to focus on emotional states, purpose, self awareness, healthy relationships etc. She was focused on appearance because she’d been raised in survival mode.
It makes perfect sense that she had low self worth + that her children became an extension of her own self worth. The problem with parents doing this is that when their children aren’t fulfilling the role of who they believe they should be, there’s disapproval or rejection. This causes self esteem issues in children because part of who they are is not good enough for a parent. Children can feel the values + traits their parents value + they start to abandon themselves to become what a parent sees as success or “good.”
The power of healing is that is allows you to see your parents as humans. Humans with their own pain, their own childhood environment, + their own inherited beliefs that are reflected in their parenting style. Then, you can release the idea of who your parents want you to be to become who you actually are