Eastside Marriage and Family Therapy

11/14/2024

**Understanding Happiness in Relationships: "I Am Happy" vs. "I Am Not Unhappy"**

In the complex landscape of relationships, distinguishing between genuine happiness and mere contentment can be quite challenging. Many couples find themselves caught in a cycle of confusion, often believing that as long as they are not "unhappy," they should be satisfied. However, this perspective can obscure the deeper nuances of emotional fulfillment.

# # # The Difference:

**1. I Am Happy:** When someone states, "I am happy," they are expressing a proactive state of joy and fulfillment. This sentiment reflects an active engagement with their needs, desires, and the positive aspects of their relationship. Happiness is often characterized by feelings of love, connection, and satisfaction. It involves recognizing and appreciating what brings joy to both partners and actively nurturing those elements within the relationship.

**2. I Am Not Unhappy:** On the flip side, saying "I am not unhappy" implies a state of neutrality or complacency. It suggests that while the individual may not be experiencing overt dissatisfaction or pain, they are also not actively seeking or recognizing joy. This mindset can lead to a false sense of security, where couples settle for mediocrity instead of striving for a deeper, more fulfilling connection.

To read more about why it is important to define your happiness please check out my blog https://www.eastsidemft.com/blog.

10/16/2024

# # # Jealousy vs. Envy: Understanding the Differences

**Jealousy** and **envy** are emotions that often get conflated, but they represent different feelings and can lead to distinct behaviors in relationships.

**Jealousy** arises from the fear that someone might take away what you already possess. This can manifest in relationships when a partner feels threatened by the possibility of losing the affection or attention of their significant other. Such feelings can lead to overbearing behaviors, like going through a partner's phone or tracking their location. While these actions may stem from a place of fear, they can feel controlling to the other person. It's crucial to differentiate between fear and the desire for control; recognizing this can pave the way for healthier communication.

**Envy**, on the other hand, is the longing for what someone else has. This feeling often leads to comparisons, especially in a world where social media showcases curated versions of reality. People may find themselves wishing for the seemingly perfect relationship or material possessions that others display. A common adage reminds us to focus on our own growth: "Instead of worrying about someone else's grass being greener, water your own lawn." However, this is easier said than done. The allure of others’ lives can distract us from our own needs and desires.

Ii is essential to identify what you truly desire—whether it’s more intimacy, attention, or shared experiences in your relationship. Instead of minimizing these feelings out of fear of being perceived as selfish or needy, consider discussing them with your partner. Open communication can often reveal unmet needs and foster collaboration to enhance the relationship. When couples engage in this dialogue, they can find ways to meet each other's needs, ultimately strengthening their bond.

09/26/2024

A common belief is that both partners should contribute equally—50-50. Find out what this is a myth and can be harmful to a relationship.

09/26/2024

*Why 100% Commitment is key when it comes to relationships
A common belief is that both partners should contribute equally—50-50. While the idea of equal effort sounds fair in theory, the reality is far more complex. True relationship success isn’t about dividing responsibilities down the middle; it’s about both partners giving their all—100%—even on days when that feels like a challenge. It’s inevitable that life will throw us curveballs. Some days, we may find ourselves depleted, struggling to give even the minimal effort. On those days, it’s crucial that our partner is willing and able to step in and provide a little extra support.
*Mutual understanding and flexibility
This can make all the difference, allowing both individuals to navigate the ups and downs together. Instead of measuring contributions in strict percentages, we should consider the intensity, frequency, and duration of our efforts. If you often find yourself carrying the emotional weight of the relationship, it may indicate an imbalance. However, when both partners are fully invested, the relationship flourishes, leading to a deeper, more fulfilling connection.

09/17/2024

"I" versus "We"

**The Balance in Couple Relationships**
In the journey of love and partnership, the transition from "I" to "we" can often feel like a beautiful merging of lives. However, this shift can sometimes come with the unintended consequence of losing our sense of autonomy. It's essential to recognize that while intimate relationships are about togetherness, maintaining our individuality is equally vital.
**Prioritizing yourself**
Prioritizing yourself in a relationship doesn’t mean you love your partner any less. In fact, engaging in activities that nurture your own interests—whether it’s dinners with friends, weekend trips, or solo workout sessions—can enhance the bond you share. When you invest in your personal growth and happiness, you bring more energy and fulfillment into your relationship.
** Neglecting your individual needs••
Neglecting your individual needs and passions can lead to resentment over time. Imagine spending all your time focused on your partner’s needs while sidelining your own; eventually, you might find yourself feeling drained and unappreciated. It’s like the safety instructions on a plane: in the event of an emergency, put on your own mask first. If we’re continually prioritizing others, we can run out of air—energy, patience, and joy.
To read more please visit my website blog https://www.eastsidemft.com/blog

09/04/2024

All relationships can be messy, but they all share fundamental components that are crucial for fostering health and longevity. Find out what these are and how to best implement them in your relationship.

09/04/2024

All relationships can be messy. Whether they are friendships, intimate partnerships, family relationships
work relationships or the relationship we have with ourselves. All are the intricate tapestries that weave the fabric of our lives.

Each type of relationship presents its own unique challenges and rewards, but they all share fundamental components that are crucial for fostering health and longevity.

Establishing boundaries or guard rails is essential in any relationship. They define how we want to be treated and what we are comfortable with. Healthy boundaries protect our emotional well-being, keep us accountable for advocating what is best for us and help us maintain our individuality while still being part of a larger connection.

Clarity around expectations of the relationship is also very important. Understanding what each party expects from the relationship can prevent misunderstandings and resentment. Whether it's a friend who needs support during tough times or a partner who seeks intimate connection, clarity around expectations allows all individuals to navigate their roles effectively.
Continue reading on my website blog www.eastsidemt.com.

08/30/2024

I've been talking about it for a while. I finally started my blog, The Couch. Hope it provides some food for thought.

Communication: The Safe Word for Couples in Therapy In the realm of relationships, communication stands as the cornerstone of connection, intimacy, and understanding. Yet, for many couples, discussing struggles—especially those related to intimacy, vulnerability, trust, and sexual concerns—can f...

08/29/2024

Communication: The Safe Word for Couples in Therapy

In the realm of relationships, communication stands as the cornerstone of connection, intimacy, and understanding. Yet, for many couples, discussing struggles—especially those related to intimacy, vulnerability, trust, and sexual concerns—can feel daunting. Shame often lurks in the shadows, stifling open dialogue and preventing couples from seeking the help they need. In therapy, however, communication can serve as a powerful "safe word," enabling couples to navigate their difficulties together.
Shame is a potent barrier that many couples face when addressing sensitive topics. It can stem from societal expectations, personal insecurities, or past experiences. Couples may fear judgment or ridicule, leading them to bottle up their feelings instead of expressing them. This silence can create a chasm of misunderstanding, breeding resentment and distance. Recognizing the weight of shame is the first step toward healing. Couples must understand that they are not alone in their struggles; many face similar challenges. By acknowledging this shared experience, couples can begin to dismantle the shame that holds them back. Vulnerability is an essential aspect of intimacy. It requires courage to share one's fears, desires, and insecurities. In therapy, couples are encouraged to embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. By opening up about their struggles, they create a safe space for both partners to express their feelings without fear of judgment.....

To read my full blog, please visit my website at www.eastsidemft.com.

08/15/2024

In a world where societal norms dictate what a healthy relationship should look like—financial stability, health, love, friendship, thriving careers and successful co-parenting—it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that these elements alone equate to fulfillment. But what happens when, despite having all these aspects in place, we still feel a sense of emptiness or lack of connection with our partner? It's time to challenge the conventional narrative. A relationship can check all the boxes and still leave us craving something deeper. Acknowledging this isn’t a sign of failure; it’s an essential step toward growth and understanding. Recognizing our desires for more—be it emotional intimacy, adventure, or shared goals—doesn’t diminish the love we have for our partner or the life we've built together. Communication is key. It’s crucial to create a safe space where both partners can express their feelings without fear of judgment. Sharing struggles, desires, and aspirations is not only healthy but necessary for a thriving partnership. It allows us to explore the complexities of our relationship, fostering deeper connections and understanding. Let’s embrace the idea that wanting more is valid. It’s a reflection of our evolving selves and our needs. By recognizing that fulfillment can be multifaceted, we can work together with our partners to redefine what a healthy relationship looks like for us—one that honors our individual journeys while nurturing the bond we share. In breaking away from societal expectations, we open the door to authentic conversations and deeper connections. Let’s not shy away from exploring what truly fulfills us, together.

07/18/2024

Fortunately for you, the answer is no. Vows alone are not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. Can you imagine making a promise in the very beginning of a relationship and expecting it to last for years and years to come? Did your vows include the need to feel desired by your partner? Likely not. Most couples don't struggle with that in the early years of their relationship. What about the need for quality time? Again, in the yearly years, we usually can't get enough of each other. Most of our time is spent together or engaging with our peers socially. Taco Tuesdays and thirsty Thursdays. As relationships grow so do responsibilities. Family dynamics change,careers change, life changes. We all grow and evolve and it's important to constantly check in with our partner to understand how they're changing. The version of them we met may not be the same today. With change comes new needs and desires. That's why renewing vows (with dialogues not an actual ceremony 😅) every year or two can be helpful. It keeps us curious about each other and encourages us to continue working on the relationship. Instead of fearing change, embrace it. Continue to be curious about your partner. Learn about the new version of you and the new version of them. Use that information to grow together and continue to create the new version of what your partnership looks like.

06/28/2024

We are excited to welcome Drew Marsherall, Ed.D, LPMFT to Eastside Marriage & Family Therapy. Drew is currently accepting new patients starting the week of July 8th. Welcome Drew!

06/19/2024

In a committed relationship, it's easy to prioritize the needs of our partner, children, and family above our own. However, it's crucial to remember that self-care remains essential even when we are in a partnership. Taking care of ourselves not only benefits us individually but also enhances the quality of our relationships and the well-being of our loved ones.

When we prioritize self-care, we invest in our own happiness. By engaging in activities that bring us joy, practicing self-compassion, and nurturing our physical and mental well-being, we cultivate a positive mindset and overall contentment. This, in turn, allows us to show up as our best selves

As individuals, we play a significant role in shaping the behavior and values of our children and family members. When we prioritize self-care, we become role models for them, demonstrating the importance of self-love, self-respect, and personal growth.

Relationships can bring both joy and challenges. When we neglect our own self-care, we may become emotionally drained, stressed, or overwhelmed. By taking the time to nurture our emotional well-being, we can better manage stress, communicate effectively, and handle conflicts constructively.

When we prioritize self-care, we cultivate a sense of inner peace and self-worth. This, in turn, allows us to bring our best selves to our relationships. By taking care of our own needs, we create a strong foundation for connection and intimacy with our partner. We can show up fully present, engage in meaningful conversations, and build a deeper bond based on mutual respect and understanding.

Remember, self-care is not selfish; it is a vital component of a healthy and thriving committed relationship. By nurturing our own well-being, we not only enhance our own lives but also create a positive ripple effect on the lives of our loved ones,

06/11/2024

***MYTH***
No, couples therapy is not only beneficial to people who are struggling in their relationship. While couples therapy is often sought when there are specific issues or challenges within a relationship, it can also be beneficial for couples who simply want to enhance their communication skills, strengthen their connection, improve intimacy, increase sexual desire or improve their overall relationship satisfaction. Couples therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore and address any concerns or areas of improvement, regardless of whether they are experiencing significant difficulties or not. It can help couples gain a deeper understanding of each other, improve their communication and problem-solving skills, and foster a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
There is no exact percentage that can be applied to all couples, as the effectiveness of couples therapy can vary depending on various factors such as the specific issues being addressed, the commitment of both partners, and the skills and expertise of the therapist. However, research suggests that couples therapy can be beneficial for a significant number of couples, with studies indicating that approximately 70-80% of couples report some improvement in their relationship after therapy. It is important to note that the success of couples therapy also relies on the willingness of both partners to actively participate and engage in the therapeutic process.

06/04/2024

04/25/2024

One week ago, I had the pleasure of attending the with some amazing fellow therapists and women business owners and . Amazing speakers. Amazing stories. Amazing vibes. Looking forward to the next event surrounded by so many beautiful bad a$$ women ❤️

04/18/2024

02/29/2024

Very excited to announce that Ali Buchanan LPMFT has officially joined the Eastside Marriage and Family Therapy team. She has immediate openings for new clients.

Despina Mitchell, M.S., LMFT and staff at Eastside Marriage & Family Therapy have been providing therapy services in Rochester, NY to individuals, couples, and children for over a decade. Contact to schedule an appointment.