01/25/2023
Sometimes the message of kindness can get a bit complicated when it comes to disability and chronic illness because our ideas of what is kind conflict.
Here are some reminders of what might seem kind to say or do to disabled people, but might not actually be that kind:
- Helping a wheelchair user to get up a hill without asking if they need help first
- Wishing a chronically ill person to "get well soon" after they explain that their condition is chronic
- Telling a disabled person they can do anything they put their mind to after they tell you they can't do something
- Offering to carry a wheelchair user up the stairs into a restaurant or shop and calling that "accessible"
- Filming yourself asking a disabled student to prom because you pity them or think they won't get a date otherwise
Intentions are important but they don't minimise impact. Regardless of the "good intentions", what is said or done still may not be kind. It's a hard balance, but if there is one bit of advice I could give to non-disabled people who want to help disabled people, it's this:
Help should be consensual.
If you want to assist a wheelchair user getting up a ramp, or a blind person crossing the road, just ask them. And then listen to the answer. They might be really grateful and accept your offer but they might also just say "no thank you". If they refuse help, do not force it upon them. This can be scary and dangerous. Dr Amy Kavanagh talks about "Just Ask, Don't Grab" and the risks of forcing "help" upon someone in public.
What advice would you give to non-disabled people who want to help disabled friends, family, colleagues or even strangers? Let me know in the comments below
Image Description: green background with cream text reading "Help Should Be Consensual" red text reading "Good Intentions Don't Always Lead to Good Impact" and an image of a doctor pushing a person in their wheelchair in muted cream, red and yellow colours.