Julie Baron and Associates

01/25/2026

Welcome to this weeks 'Ask Julie,' where we unpack the question:

What role might parents play in the trend away from taking chances, and how can they support developmentally appropriate adolescent risk-taking?
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In a recent article I wrote for Your Teen Magazine, I answered a question from a parent about how to know when their teen is ready for increasing independence. When we think about independence, we often picture milestones like going to parties, getting a driver’s license, or being out in the world without adult supervision.

More and more, however, I’m hearing from parents who are worried about something different: their teen’s lack of interest in spreading their wings or exercising their independence muscles. What is going on—and how can we help teens take the developmentally appropriate risks they need in order to grow up and practice “adulting”?

A 2023 CDC Youth Risk Behavior Report found that some adolescent risk-taking behaviors, such as drinking, s*x, and driving, have decreased compared to previous decades. There may be some good news here. But do these trends also point to something more concerning?

Audacious, reckless, invincible, and intractable are descriptors notoriously associated with adolescents. And there are important reasons for this. During adolescence, the emotional center of the brain is highly activated and primed to seek novelty, excitement, and new experiences. Teens need this neurological wiring to help them move beyond the familiar landscape of family and into the larger, unknown world.

Without opportunities to take risks, it becomes harder to learn new things, mature, and gradually assume greater independence. Yet many teens today appear to be trending in the opposite direction, toward heightened anxiety and a decreasing desire to take the kinds of everyday risks that support healthy development.

Parents’ ultimate goal is for their teens to build secure and successful futures. To do that once they enter young adulthood, teens need real-world skills and experiences that foster confidence and self-sufficiency. But how can they develop these without meaningful trial and error? They can’t, at least not effectively, from the family room or with parents constantly in tow.

So, when is it appropriate to allow teens to be more out in the world, manage their own struggles, advocate for themselves, and engage socially, knowing that this will sometimes involve experimentation and risk-taking? The answer is: as soon as possible.

What role might parents play in the trend away from taking chances, and how can they support developmentally appropriate adolescent risk-taking?

Manage your own anxiety

Entering the great unknown of parenting teens can be scary and anxiety-provoking. Parents are wired to protect their children, and there’s no reason to expect those instincts to suddenly shut off once kids reach adolescence. Feeling scared or anxious is simply part of the parenting-teens experience, and it’s okay.

At the same time, it’s important for parents to regulate their emotional responses in ways that don’t overstate the world as a dangerous place. When teens recoil from their developmental task of taking risks, it is often a reflection of the anxiety they may be absorbing from the adults around them. Even when parents feel anxious, it’s essential to “check the facts” and align concerns with what is actually happening in their teen’s environment.

Have “cope ahead” conversations

Encourage reluctant teens to engage in experiences that challenge them and build mastery. Learning to drive, for example, is a powerful way for teens to develop a new skill that allows them to be out in the community on their own, spend time with friends, and even help the family.

Before teens take on new experiences that come with increased freedom and responsibility, initiate conversations that equip them to handle situations that may arise. Parents are invaluable resources for offering perspective drawn from wisdom and life experience. They also help supplement the parts of the brain that are still developing in teens, particularly those responsible for judgment and decision-making. Helping teens anticipate potential pitfalls and problem-solve in advance both supports their independence and helps parents feel more at ease.

Let them

If you’re a Mel Robbins fan, this phrase will sound familiar. In parenting, “let them” is about loosening the grip of over-management and allowing teens the freedom necessary for experiential learning. We all need room to “learn on the job,” and becoming a responsible adult is no exception.

When teens ask to do something new, pause before instinctively saying no. Consider what is being asked and whether the experience, or even part of it, could be worthwhile.

For example:

“I’m not comfortable with you driving to the concert with older friends who are newer drivers. I know how much you love that band and want you to go and have fun with your friends. I’m willing to drive you and pick you up if you really want to go.”

This approach balances safety with autonomy and keeps the door open for new learning rather than inadvertently communicating a lack of confidence or fear. Those who grew up in the 80’s know we had way more fun than teens today seem to be having! Ok maybe twenty, 18 year old high school seniors in the Bahamas for spring break without adults is a little much, or is it?

Create a culture of talking openly about mistakes (even the really dumb ones)

When parents allow for greater freedom, and therefore more opportunities to build competence and responsibility, there are no guarantees teens will get it right every time. Expect mistakes, lapses in judgment, and moments where expectations fall short.

Create a family culture where mistakes, even really stupid ones, can be talked about openly. There may be consequences, reassessments of readiness, or simply debriefs that lead to insight and growth. When something goes wrong, a relationship rooted in openness and free from shaming makes it far more likely that your teen’s first call, if something goes awry, will be to you.

And when things go right, successful self-reliant experiences of fun, work, or extracurricular accomplishments, can be celebrated together.

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Julie Baron, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker, author, and speaker specializing in supporting teens, young adults, and families.

💬Do you have a question? Drop your questions in the comments or send us a message — they might be featured in a future post!

⚠️ Disclaimer: The information shared in this series is for educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health care or a therapeutic relationship. For individualized support, please consult with a licensed mental health professional.

📢CTA: Need more tools to de-escalate arguments while keeping connection? Explore related tips on the Julie Baron & Associates website www.juliebaronandassociates.com and in Julie’s Psychology Today blog https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-teens-through-connection



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01/20/2026

Growing up assumes that a teen will take on more responsibility. However, some parents question if they’re giving their teenager too much, or not enough, responsibility. This article addresses ways to determine how a teen can demonstrate readiness for independence.

Read more here:

Healthy independence depends more on where teens are developmentally, emotionally, socially, and neurologically, than on the age.

01/16/2026

Welcome to this weeks 'Ask Julie,' where we unpack the question:

I have been worried about my son’s weight for some time. He is almost 17 and does not seem interested in taking care of his health. He is very social and seems to be doing okay overall, but I worry about his health and the potential social impact of being overweight. What can I do to help him take better care of himself?

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The start of a new year often sparks conversations about goals, resolutions, and intentions. As parents, it is natural to reflect on how we hope our children will grow and what we want for their future. These concerns come from a place of deep love and care for their well-being. At the same time, it is important to remember that it is their well-being, not yours, to manage. Parents are understandably affected by their teen’s struggles—after all, we are often only as happy as our least happy child.

The encouraging news here is that your son appears to be doing well in many areas of his life. It is also worth noting that motivation for change often comes only after a person experiences some level of personal discomfort. While efforts to change ultimately need to come from your son, parents still play a critical role. When approached thoughtfully, that role can have a meaningful impact over time.

Recognize what you can and cannot control

Make peace with the fact that you cannot force, pressure, nag, or maneuver your son into changing his habits. Lasting change must come from internal motivation. What is within your control is modeling healthy behaviors, stocking the house with nutritious food options, and being available to share information in a nonjudgmental way when your son is receptive. If he expresses interest in making changes, you can offer support—such as helping him find a nutritionist, trainer, or gym membership. The less you push, the more space you give him to reflect and choose change for himself.

Focus on your relationship and his strengths

Look for all the ways your son is a terrific human being and make those qualities central in your interactions with him. Offer positive feedback when he demonstrates responsibility, maturity, or kindness—whether that’s completing everyday tasks, earning recognition at school, showing leadership, or being a good friend. When teens feel seen as competent and valued, their confidence grows. Communicating admiration and respect strengthens your relationship and increases the likelihood that he will be open to meaningful conversations.

Offer guidance when he is receptive

Resources and guidance about healthy habits can be helpful, but timing matters. Try to wait until your son brings up the topic himself. Comments about discomfort in his body, frustration with clothes, or remarks from others may signal openness. Before offering solutions, listen carefully and validate his feelings. Meaningful change is more likely to come from values such as health, wellbeing, and the desire to live fully, rather than from reacting to criticism or shame. Frame any discussion around his stated values and reinforce self-acceptance—because all lasting change begins with acceptance.

Use professional support to assess health concerns

If you have concerns about his physical health, involve his pediatrician to assess relevant health markers. If indicators such as blood pressure, heart health, or lab work are within normal ranges, allow yourself some patience. There is time for your son to mature and better understand his body, priorities, and goals. Remember, his brain still has significant development ahead—time truly is on your side.

By offering gentle guidance, encouragement, and consistent affirmation of your son’s strengths, you are planting seeds that often take time to grow. Allowing teens ownership over their bodies and life choices reduces power struggles and helps them take responsibility for outcomes. Parenting—and growth itself—is a long game. Change is hard, and people evolve at their own pace.

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Julie Baron, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker, author, and speaker specializing in supporting teens, young adults, and families.

💬Do you have a question? Drop your questions in the comments or send us a message — they might be featured in a future post!

⚠️ Disclaimer: The information shared in this series is for educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health care or a therapeutic relationship. For individualized support, please consult with a licensed mental health professional.

📢CTA: Need more tools to de-escalate arguments while keeping connection? Explore related tips on the Julie Baron & Associates website www.juliebaronandassociates.com and in Julie’s Psychology Today blog https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-teens-through-connection



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01/13/2026

A new year typically means setting new goals through resolutions. However, it’s important not to impose goals onto the youth, rather to let them set and achieve their own goals. Check out this article to see how to be a helpful bystander, guiding teens as they make their own decisions.

Read more:

Entering a new year naturally elicits both reflection and contemplation of what is to come. Humans are inclined toward self-determination and thus mapping out ways to feel in control of improving their lives by seeking growth and change. Anyone who loves, cares about, and/or works with teens, wants....

01/09/2026

Throughout fall and winter 2025, 'Ask Julie' addressed questions from parents and professionals on a weekly basis with perspectives and strategies to help navigate adolescent behaviors and challenging situations.

To start the new year, I am offering a challenge for parents. Tap into a treasure trove of insights right under your nose, and ‘Ask Your Teen’.

If you’re willing, here’s how it works.

Consider timing when your teen may be receptive and frame the exercise in advance, for example:

“I just read a post with a challenge exercise for parents, and I’d like to try it with you. It involves asking you a question. After hearing the parameters, you can say no. If you agree, I commit to:”
- Listen only
- Ask clarification questions solely for understanding
- Offer no rebuttals or challenges
- Manage my own emotions, whatever they may be
- Not use anything you share against you now or in the future
- Express genuine gratitude for your honesty

Caution: Only proceed if you can genuinely agree to the above parameters.

If they decline, thank them for considering and move on.

If your teen agrees, ask them:

“What would you want me to know about you or your needs that you haven’t shared?”

You may choose to follow up with:

“What has kept you from sharing this with me before now?”

What they share is a sign of trust. Take it in carefully, offer positive feedback 👍 and look for ways to use what you’ve learned to better meet their needs.

I have asked both of my kids these questions and it led to meaningful conversations!

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01/06/2026

In this month's ‘What Works with Teens’ monthly newsletter, Julie offers resources and evidence-based skills that will strengthen parents' relationships with teenagers. This edition describes how actively seeking feedback from teens promotes relational engagement, something social media does very well. Read on for guidance and a special ‘Ask Your Teen,’ challenge. Are you game?

Read more here:

Email from What Works With Teens What Works With Teens January 2026 January 2026 View as Webpage What Works With Teens Resources and evidence-based skills that will help to strengthen your relationshi

01/01/2026

Happy New Year from Julie Baron and Associates!

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12/23/2025

As the holiday season rapidly approaches, some parents may be concerned about buying their children video games for presents. However, video games are neither inherently good nor bad. The approach that parents use with gaming can change teenagers' perception of both gaming and the outside world.

Read more here:

Taking away your teens' gaming may not be the way to prevent compulsive gaming.

12/19/2025

Welcome to this weeks 'Ask Julie,' where we unpack the question:

Our daughter is a freshman in college. Throughout the semester, she has called us at various times in significant distress—sometimes panicked about academic stress, other times overwhelmed by relationship issues. On one occasion, she seemed inconsolable and, though reluctant, agreed to speak with her RA.

She has a history of depression, which in the past responded well to therapy and medication. In the year or so before leaving for college, she seemed emotionally sturdy and genuinely excited about this next chapter. However, over the past month in particular, she has made comments that deeply concern us, such as, “I just don’t know if I can keep doing this,” and “What if I can’t keep up this pace without totally falling apart?”

She is coming home in the next few days, and we’re feeling anxious and unsure about what state she will be in—or what kind of support she may need from us. Any guidance would be appreciated.

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Bearing witness to our emerging adults’ often treacherous journey into adulthood can be deeply challenging. Your worries are valid—particularly given your daughter’s history of mood difficulties. When new experiences create significant stress while simultaneously demanding skill sets that are not yet fully developed, mood flare-ups can occur. Your daughter’s heightened emotional reactivity to her current circumstances may be catching her off guard and triggering all-or-nothing thinking patterns.

The good news is that she has navigated similar struggles before, even if in a different context, and she has engaged in treatment with positive outcomes. With that in mind, here are some ways to prepare yourselves to welcome your depleted daughter home and help her regain stability while she has your support:

• Once she is home, allow time for rest—both for her to recover and for you to observe how she is doing. She may do a complete 180, rushing out the door to see friends and leaving you wondering whether you overreacted. Or she may retreat to her room and not emerge for days. Regardless of how she presents upon returning home, there are important concerns to address. You did not imagine the intensity or frequency of those calls when she sounded desperate for support.

It is fairly common for young people who have been in significant distress to swing to the opposite extreme—suppressing discomfort and convincing themselves that everything is “totally fine.” Finding a moment when she feels receptive and having a genuine, heart-to-heart conversation can help you better assess her current needs and determine next steps.

• Ask how she is doing — When you sit down together, keep the tone open and nonjudgmental. Ask how she is feeling now that she is home, and listen carefully for any signs of ongoing distress or safety concerns. If she shares that she is still struggling emotionally or experiencing unsafe thoughts or urges, remind her that she previously had a positive experience working with a mental health professional. Encourage her to reconnect with a former provider or offer to help her find a new therapist.

Be mindful of licensure considerations, ensuring that any mental health professional is able to provide care in the state where she is currently located, as well as appropriate follow-up if she returns to school in a different jurisdiction.

• Reflect together on her semester — If she is open to working with a therapist, she can use that space to reflect and process what happened and what factors were at play. If she insists that everything is now fine, let her know that you believe it could still be helpful to reflect on how she was feeling and coping over the past few months in order to cope ahead for the next semester. Use language that clearly conveys your intention: to support her in having a different and more manageable experience when she returns to school.

•Help her outline a plan- Ask what ideas she has for reducing stressors or increasing academic, social, or emotional supports. If she is resistant to considering changes, share your own observations from your interactions with her, along with your concerns. Ideally, this conversation can lead to agreements about how she will recognize a rise in distress and if a re-evaluation of intervention is needed, as well as what options might be available for decreasing stress and increasing support on campus.

If she does accept help and works with a mental health professional over break, allow her the space to explore her experiences and plan her return to school with her therapist. It is reasonable for parents to want some reassurance that their returning student has strategies in place for coping ahead and preventing ongoing challenges. If your daughter is reluctant to share details with you, you might ask whether she would be open to having you join a session to discuss plans together with her therapist.

Though these experiences are painful for everyone involved, they also present meaningful opportunities for growth. For parents, this is a chance to practice finding the balance between offering support and allowing your daughter to engage in self-reflection, build distress tolerance, and take accountability for the strategies that can lead to different outcomes. While it is easy for older teens to experience setbacks as catastrophic, these stumbles often hold the potential to generate insight and new beginnings.

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Julie Baron, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker, author, and speaker specializing in supporting teens, young adults, and families.

💬Do you have a question? Drop your questions in the comments or send us a message — they might be featured in a future post!

⚠️ Disclaimer: The information shared in this series is for educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health care or a therapeutic relationship. For individualized support, please consult with a licensed mental health professional.

📢CTA: Need more tools to de-escalate arguments while keeping connection? Explore related tips on the Julie Baron & Associates website www.juliebaronandassociates.com and in Julie’s Psychology Today blog https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-teens-through-connection



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12/16/2025

As winter break approaches, many parents eagerly anticipate welcoming their college students home. While most students have developed the skills to manage the accumulated stress of a demanding semester, others may find the academic, social, and independence-related pressures overwhelming. For these young people, challenges that began on campus can intensify during time at home, triggering new mental health or substance-use concerns or worsening existing struggles. Because parents are often among the first to notice changes in mood or behavior, knowing how to recognize signs of distress and respond supportive can be vital in helping students get the care and support they truly need.

Learn how:

As many college students are returning home on break, parents are uniquely positioned to detect troubles with mental health and offer supportive responses.

12/12/2025

Welcome to this weeks 'Ask Julie,' where we unpack the question:

My 17-year-old son was at a friend’s house over the weekend with a group of other kids. They were smoking in the basement, and my son blew smoke directly toward the smoke detector/fire alarm, which apparently had a direct connection to the Fire Department. My son left abruptly. We later learned that, a few minutes after he left, several fire trucks arrived at the family’s home, waking up the parents.

My son told me about this a few days later. We are friendly with the friend’s parents, and I feel embarrassed and upset on many levels. Where do I begin in responding to this situation, and should I be worried about my son’s recklessness?

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It never ceases to amaze me the creative ways teenagers manage to screw up. As a parent, it’s easy to feel embarrassed by your teen’s behavior and want to apologize on their behalf (or crawl into a hole). The truth is that teens do stupid things regularly, and most of it is normal, even necessary, as part of the trial-and-error process that leads to maturity and better decision-making.

First, it’s terrific that your son came to you and told you what happened. Many teens wouldn’t (and we could debate whether that’s better or worse). Here are a few things to keep in mind as you follow up with him in a way that can meaningfully influence his future choices:

Making mistakes is required for teens to learn and grow
Real-life, en vivo experiences are the natural training ground for the trial and error teens must navigate as they figure out what works and what doesn’t. We can talk until we’re blue in the face about what to do and what not to do, and they will still make mistakes. Allowing them the space to make those inevitable missteps, while they still have daily access to you as a resource, is actually the best-case scenario.

When teens make poor decisions and can hear their own inner voice criticizing their choices and creating moral conflict, they carry that awareness into their next steps. But when a parent’s critical voice becomes louder than that inner voice, the focus shifts to the parent’s behavior, losing an opportunity for self-reflection. With greater awareness and guidance, your teen can learn to use their mistakes to better predict consequences and to practice stronger judgment over time.

The teen brain is not on your teen’s side (yet)

Your teen’s brain is far from fully cooked. Two prominent characteristics of adolescent brain development are that the emotional centers (the amygdala) are hypersensitive, while the thinking, reasoning, and planning regions (the prefrontal cortex) are still under construction well into the mid-20s. Poor impulse control, social pressures, and emotion-driven choices often override logic, even for otherwise pretty responsible adolescents.

Most teen mistakes that we as parents might categorize as “well, that was stupid” are actually normative and usually not cause for broader concern. While this understanding can help calm parental worry by offering an explanation, it’s not an excuse. Accountability still matters.

Resist the urge to punish

There is no research showing that punishment creates meaningful, lasting behavior change. Punishments are tools for exerting control, inducing shame, or stopping an unwanted behavior in the moment, and while that can have limited value, it does not teach better decision-making. I will say it again and again: adults do not have control over teens’ behaviors. Only the teen can ultimately choose their actions.

When parents react with emotion-driven punishments, it models emotional reactivity, usually ruptures the relationship and leaves the teen angry or resentful toward the adult. In the end, punishment tends to produce little besides pain and a fleeting sense of gratification for the parent.

Use the experience to guide, highlight accountability, and strengthen your relationship

There is a terrific opportunity here not to be missed! Your son likely made a hasty exit once the alarm sounded because he felt badly, was embarrassed, or feared his friend’s parents would come downstairs upset with him (which, of course, they would!). This is actually a healthy indicator that he cares about his actions and their impact on others. Many parents assume a teen bolts simply to avoid getting in trouble. More often, their conscience can’t tolerate the painful emotions like shame, embarrassment, or disappointment in themselves that come with seeing an adult angry or disappointed. This speaks to a strong moral core.

Use his own remorse as an entry point to ask about what happened and allow natural consequences to unfold. Support him without rescuing him or taking ownership on his behalf by apologizing for his actions. Ask him what he would do differently if he had the chance. This may also be an opportune moment to ask about his smoking—what he’s using, how often, and why—and to educate him about the risks of va**ng or smoking ma*****na or ni****ne. Your conversation may not stop him entirely, but it will make your stance clear and give him real information to weigh against whatever “pros” he believes he’s getting from it.

When teens feel that parents genuinely care to listen, consult, and offer guidance grounded in lived experience, without rescuing or over correcting, they begin to see their parents as meaningful resources. This kind of connection strengthens bonds and reinforces the type of relationship teens can count on to feel secure during a time of unsteady transformation as they metamorphose into adults.

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Julie Baron, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker, author, and speaker specializing in supporting teens, young adults, and families.

💬Do you have a question? Drop your questions in the comments or send us a message — they might be featured in a future post!

⚠️ Disclaimer: The information shared in this series is for educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health care or a therapeutic relationship. For individualized support, please consult with a licensed mental health professional.

📢CTA: Need more tools to de-escalate arguments while keeping connection? Explore related tips on the Julie Baron & Associates website www.juliebaronandassociates.com and in Julie’s Psychology Today blog https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-teens-through-connection



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