04/21/2021
⚠️⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️⚠️
THIS POST IS ABOUT R**E. PLEASE READ AT YOUR DISCRETION. I AM HERE TO HELP PEOPLE HELP THEMSELVES NOT TO BRING UP UNRESOLVED TRAUMAS. MUCH LOVE. ❤
Recently, I've been releasing generational sexual traumas on my mother's side. I definitely noticed the sexual trauma pattern in my own life but I had never seen the correlation in my family line until now. Helping free past and future generations of this burden has been a huge blessing in my life and the lives of those around me. However, it's brought some things to the surface that I still need to work on. So, I've decided to share in hopes that you will be able to deeper understand how transformational this work really is through my personal experience.
When I was 6 I was r***d by my step-dad. I didn't tell anyone about the ongoing abuse bc he said he would kill my entire family if I did. I was terrified.
When I was around 10, we lived with my moms boyfriend for a summer and he really enjoyed me. I slept with him in his room with the door locked. I will just say it was a very forced, highly sexual relationship. I didn't tell anyone bc he was nice to me and he was going through a lot. I literally thought every day that it was better me than one of the other kids. His mom was dying of cancer and we were there to help and I didn't want to add to everyone's burdens.
When I was a Jr in high school. I trusted a friend and some guys and let them convince me to meet up when I shouldn't have. All of the people closest to me were out of town. One of the guys gave me some kool-aid and after a few sips he said "woah, that's enough" I remember thinking that was the weirdest comment ever bc it was just kool-aid. Before long things started to get REALLY fuzzy. I tried calling my bf to get help somehow but they took my phone. I remember laying on my stomach and crawling down the stairs with just my arms bc that's all I could manage. I eventually got myself to a shower and was sitting in there when my attacker entered the bathroom. He started to r**e me and I screamed at the top of my lungs and wouldn't stop. This pi**ed him off and he stopped and threw me to the ground. He said, "I knew this would happen you bitch, if you tell ANYONE I WILL KILL YOU. and I sure as hell believed him. We went back to school and I was so terrified that I told no one at all. He came back to school and told everyone that would listen that I was a ho that cheated on my bf with him. Looking back, I see why he made this move bc if I ever did say something I wouldn't look credible. Everything was ruined after that. I trusted no one. No one trusted me. And I had the most heartbreaking pain ever eating me alive.
The cycle finally ended for me when I was 21, pregnant with twins & had cancer. I was super sick and my mom's husband came over to my house and was "tired" and wanted to lay in bed with me. The second he laid down he started kissing on my neck and all those years of trauma I had never dealt with came rushing back. I decided THIS. S**T. ENDS. NOW!! I freaked out and caused a scene which resulted in a huge fallout with my mother and her man. I didn't care. I was done.
I then spent the next 10 years not working through trauma but making sure I was always a little heavy so no one would think I was attractive. (I am still working on this one & feeling safe enough in my body to release extra weight) I just go back and hug that girl all the time. I love her so much. She is so damn strong.
Around 3 years ago, I got really into energy work and started to constantly work on identifying root causes, releasing traumas from these scenarios, releasing trapped emotions such as shame, guilt, hate, resentment, forlorn, etc., releasing the physical & emotional shock energies from r**e and sexual assaults, releasing will to's and no will to's (I actually had a will to die energy trapped from all this) & "they will kill me if I tell" programming. I've released physical allergies to these people & idea allergies to all sorts of relationships, feeling content, having things feel off, etc. I have also been able to forgive my mother for putting me in some really scary situations, helped her start releasing her traumas & I've built a beautiful relationship with her. The way I feel now vs before is literally night and day. I still know and recognize that those things happened but the pain isn't really there anymore. At least not in the same way. I don't feel haunted or tortured from the memories like I did for so many years.
I'm so thankful that I decided to quit burying a lifetime of hurt and take action to move forward with true healing. I saved myself from drowning and am truly a completely different person because of it. I'm a compassionate healer sent here to help others help themselves when they feel like they are drowning. I'm really grateful that I have the honor of doing that and I don't take this calling lightly! Thank you for reading. I love you! 💚