01/02/2026
This is the shift that transforms relationships.
From reaction to regulation.
From protection to presence.
From survival to intimacy.
When we’re children, our nervous system has one core question:
“Will you keep me safe?”
Safety wasn’t optional.
It was survival.
As kids, we needed our caregivers to protect us...physically, emotionally, relationally.
A child left alone doesn’t just feel lonely; their body experiences danger. Rejection wasn’t just painful, it was terrifying.
Those needs were real.
And we survived them.
But many of us unknowingly carried those unmet needs straight into adulthood
and into our relationships.
We start asking our partners to do what our parents couldn’t.
To soothe us.
To regulate us.
To prove we’re safe, chosen, secure.
I’ve done this.
So have most people I know.
It’s human. It’s understandable.
And it quietly places an impossible burden on love.
Because adult intimacy isn’t built on seeking safety.
It’s built on bringing safety. If we can’t create or access our own sense of safety, then others may have a harder time feeling that saftey in our presence.
Child consciousness reacts—fights, withdraws, performs, shuts down.
Adult consciousness pauses—regulates, listens, gets curious, stays present, attunes.
This shift from “keep me safe” to “how can I be safety?”
is one of the great relational journeys of our lives.
And it’s not easy.
Especially for those of us shaped by neglect, chaos, or abuse. This work is confronting. It’s vulnerable. It’s sometimes terrifying. It is asking ourselves “ Am I overriding their experience to regulate mine”
I failed at this recently myself.
And still...this is how growth works.
We notice.
We repair.
We recommit.
Because at its core, this isn’t just relationship work.
It’s a spiritual practice.
It asks us to slow down.
To stay curious.
To take responsibility for our nervous system instead of outsourcing it.
And this is where real connection begins,
not in being rescued,
but in becoming attuned.
hypnotherapy
