03/13/2026
"When anxiety decreases sufficiently, people can begin to think about their problems. Anxiety impairs the ability to think. A thoughtful approach usually reveals that the partners are in a relationship pattern that, though not serving them well, is not new. It may have begun years ago; it may even go back to childhood or previous generations. What is important is that people are able to see patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors where they exist. Once they can objectively see the pattern and how it repeats itself over time, they are in a position to see their own contribution to it.
One’s own part of the relationship pattern is the only part that one has the power to change. (…) In reality, each person plays a part in producing the symptoms, so if one person changes his or her contribution to the relationship problem (without leaving), the whole pattern will often change."
-- Dr. Roberta Gilbert, Extraordinary Relationships, p.36-37