09/28/2024
After three years of dating and three years of marriage, Iāve come to realize that perhaps men arenāt as emotionally detached as we thinkāthey just donāt understand. Yes, the thought processes of most men are genuinely simple. They see things in the most direct and straightforward way possible, with minimal complexity.
So, the real question is: Are men emotionally distant, or are women simply too complex?
Let me use myself as an example. Countless times, Iāve been upset, hurt, and replaying scenarios in my head, while my husband remained completely oblivious. Even though he loves me dearly, works hard for our family, I still labeled him as "emotionally detached" like so many wives do with their husbands.
One story that stands out is what I call āThe Snow Queen Incident.ā We had a fight, and my husband asked, āDo you want me to stay and talk, or should I head upstairs and wait until you cool down?ā I confidently replied, āI want to be alone.ā The moment I finished speaking, he promptly headed upstairs. For him, the situation was simple: āMy wife is upset, she wants space, so Iāll give it to her.ā But for me, it was an emotional storm: āDoes he not love me? Why didnāt he stay and try to comfort me? Could he be thinking about someone else?ā
Not stopping there, I slammed the door and stormed out into the freezing snow, where it was -10 degrees. In my mind, I thought, āHeāll hear the door slam and think Iāve left, then come rushing out to apologize.ā So there I stood, shivering in the snow, imagining my husband running out to hug me from behind, begging for forgiveness. But 5 minutes passed, 10 minutes... still, no one came. It was just me, standing there, freezing with snow piling up on me. Finally, I couldnāt take it anymore and went back inside. Still hoping heād be lying there, deep in thought, regretting everything. But noāwhen I got upstairs, he was wearing headphones, watching a comedy, and laughing out loud. He hadnāt heard a thing. If I hadnāt come back inside, I might have frozen into a real-life Snow Queen!
When I got pregnant, my habit of "creating dramas in my mind" reached new heights. My husband, knowing he was about to become a father, threw himself into work to support the family. So, every night, he went to bed early. Meanwhile, I lay there thinking, "I'm exhausted and pregnant, why doesnāt he ask how Iām feeling?" Sometimes Iād even cry, but he never noticed. Eventually, I realized crying was only making me more tired, so I gave up and went to sleep too.
After years of "acting out" countless scenarios with countless characters in my mind, Iāve come to one truth: Men are really quite simple. They donāt always understand the complex emotions of women, but that doesnāt mean they donāt love us. If we communicate clearly, theyāll understand and be willing to help.
Instead of silently "acting out dramas," now I simply speak up. For example: "You take care of the baby today, Iām about to lose it!" And within seconds, my husband is there to help. Itās far easier and more effective than expecting him to read my mind.
Ladies, maybe weāre just too complicated, and our husbands arenāt necessarily emotionally detached. If we speak up and communicate clearly, they will listen and respond. Letās all āspeak upā to make life a little easier!
Happy 3rd wedding anniversary to us!
