Anna Osborn, Relationship Therapist & Coach

Anna Osborn,  Relationship Therapist & Coach Relationship Therapy and Coaching I provide coaching and therapy to couples and individuals so they can achieve the love relationship they want.

I work with couples and individuals learn to trust again, restore intimacy and connection and find joy in their partnership again.

Empathy is a tricky thing, so going into a season of chaos and potential overwhelm, here is a cheat sheet on all things ...
12/19/2024

Empathy is a tricky thing, so going into a season of chaos and potential overwhelm, here is a cheat sheet on all things empathy. ⁣

Empathy is NOT:⁣

· An admission of guilt or confirming negative intent. ⁣
· It’s not the icing on the cake to relationships.⁣
· It’s not something you’re born with and therefore you’re out of luck if you didn’t inherit that gene.⁣
· Empathy isn’t about sharing beliefs or experiences.⁣
· And it’s definitely not weakness.⁣

Empathy at its core is one of the greatest connectors you have at your fingertips. ⁣

Empathy IS:⁣

· Compassion, connection, listening and responding.⁣
· Can be learned, improved and enhanced.⁣
· Empathy is a give and take. It’s reciprocal and meant to be exchanged.⁣
· It’s a vital connector in ALL your relationships.⁣
· Empathy is rooted in listening not assuming.⁣

Remember, empathy is essential in your relationship. And it’s really about communicating, ‘I’m here now’. ⁣

Don’t forget to slow down and practice all things empathy as you move through this season.⁣

Winter is time to cozy up and reconnect.  Remember that the best way to beat the winter blues is to sync into each other...
12/13/2024

Winter is time to cozy up and reconnect. Remember that the best way to beat the winter blues is to sync into each other. It really does boost your mood.⁣

We took our kids to their first concert last month and had an absolute blast.  As you well know, I’m a huge fan of live ...
12/10/2024

We took our kids to their first concert last month and had an absolute blast. As you well know, I’m a huge fan of live music. And like any responsible mom taking her two 12 year old’s to a concert, I waited until the last minute to remind everyone to throw their phone on a charger. No going into a chaotic night without fully charged phones around here. As I let the family know, it was interested to hear the differing percentages of battery life available on each device.⁣

And based on everything we had already done that day, I almost think the battery life sounded a bit more like our differing energy levels going into the night. ⁣

As much as we use our phones for pretty much everything right now, what if we took a little bit more notice of battery life as an actual measurement of how much left we have to give in that moment, that day, or that situation.⁣

What if before you went into a tense conversation or an emotionally deep situation, you checked your own battery life. What if you got better at expressing this to your partner? Would it help set more realistic expectations? Or what if you even checked your own battery life as a way to remind yourself to rest?⁣

As you walk into this particularly busy time of year, be sure you’re noticing your own battery life. Work to not only communicate it, but catch it before it runs down to zero. Create a ‘stop point’ for when you need to get charged up. And don’t be afraid to signal to your mate when you really do need to slow down and plug in to each other a bit more.⁣

Patience and timing are good for lots of things. They’re helpful in big decision making.  It can make a difference when ...
12/02/2024

Patience and timing are good for lots of things. They’re helpful in big decision making. It can make a difference when it comes to approaching sticky situations.⁣

But sometimes patience and timing can work against you when it comes to hard conversations. Especially when patience starts to look like avoidance and perfect timing starts to look like willful reluctance.⁣

I get that hard conversations are hard to have. But they’re also really necessary. ⁣

When you avoid or delay hard conversations, the issues don’t shrink. Not by a long shot. Not only do they grow, but so does frustration and resentment.⁣

The longer you take to address something, the more difficult it’s going to be to find a middle road.⁣

So what’s the best way to get to it?⁣

* Name it. Yup, admit to yourself (and your mate) that you need to address an issue/concern/situation.⁣

* Invite each other. Ask to set a time and a place to actually talk about it. Pick a time that both of you are at your most grounded and well rested (and fed). Choose a place that feels neutral, like your living room couch or outdoor patio. Somewhere you feel comfortable to talk openly but also not confined by the space or energy in the room.⁣

* Be accountable. Be jointly responsible for showing up and getting to it. Don’t make it one person’s responsibility to remind the other of what needs to happen. Mark your calendar, put a reminder in your phone, set an alarm. Whatever it takes for both of you being accountable.⁣

Use these suggestions or tweak them to better fit your relationship. Regardless, take the time to get those hard conversations underway and start seeing the growth that comes from actually getting to it.⁣

You got this. ⁣

We are in the throes of the holiday season which means schedules are more chaotic and there are even more demands on you...
11/20/2024

We are in the throes of the holiday season which means schedules are more chaotic and there are even more demands on your time. The reality is that much of this time of year is spent with co-workers, friends and extended family. Which is great fun and all, but it also means less time for the two of you on a more one-on-one basis.⁣

And we all know that less time together can leave you feeling disconnected and out of sync. So what is one way to get through this time of year feeling a bit more connected? How can you find time to spend together when it feels like there isn’t any time to spare?⁣

Well, you can always tune out in order to tune in. Yup, step back from screens and scrolling in order to create more time together. Tune out the roar of social media and streaming so that you can turn that time suck into more tuned in time together. ⁣

The more often you can limit (or even ditch) the screens, the more time you actually have for one another. Being screen free, or more realistically, screen conscious, is a great way to get more in tune with each other.⁣

Challenge yourself and each other to reduce your screen time by even just 10% in the remaining weeks of the year. Set limits on apps you overuse. See if you can convert that screen time saved into more time spent together.⁣

And let me know how it goes. I’m taking part in this challenge with you and I’d love to hear how it’s going. Is it easier or harder than you expected? Are you finding more creative ways to spend time together?⁣

I can’t wait to hear!⁣

Over the past 20 years (yes, you’re reading this correctly) I’ve worked with a lot of couples in therapy.  Some in immed...
11/17/2024

Over the past 20 years (yes, you’re reading this correctly) I’ve worked with a lot of couples in therapy. Some in immediate crisis, some looking to fine tune a pretty sweet relationship and some needing support to figure out ways to stay more connected and in sync.⁣

And no matter the couple, they’ve all asked, at one point or another, what is the deal with date nights and how important are they really?⁣

Do date nights really work?⁣

Yes, they do. ⁣

They keep the spark alive and create the simple reminder that you’re partners and not just co-managers. They help the two of you step back from all the craziness of life (even just for an hour or two) and remember why you’re choosing to do life together. Plus it’s a great way to be creative in how you explore your city or in returning to spots that hold special memories.⁣

But what is the most important thing when it comes to date night? Well, they don’t need to be over thought or over planned. They don’t need to actually take place at night. And they don’t need to break the bank and certainly don’t need to be overdone.⁣

Simplicity is really best when it comes to carving out time to spend together. Because the more fuss you add to it, the less likely it will happen. Sure it’s nice to get all dressed up and hit the town, but that’s not always realistic…or always fun. And depending on the season of life you’re in or the proximity of child care resources, you really need to let creativity and simplicity be your guide.⁣

Grab a coffee and run some errands together. Pack a lunch and meet at the park during your lunch break. Find a new recipe to cook together after the kids are tucked away in bed.⁣

Whatever it is, just make it happen. Trust me, your relationship thrives when you have a semi-regular reminder of just how special (and fun) the two of you are together.⁣

Got any creative and fun date night ideas to share? I’d love to hear them. Share below.⁣

Communication is hard, but it makes it easier when you bring it all to the table.  Remember secrets divide, transparency...
11/13/2024

Communication is hard, but it makes it easier when you bring it all to the table. Remember secrets divide, transparency connects.⁣

Remember when you first met and every little quirk and idiosyncrasy was adorable.  Jokes readily available to lighten a ...
11/12/2024

Remember when you first met and every little quirk and idiosyncrasy was adorable. Jokes readily available to lighten a situation. Enjoying a full day together without a care in the world. The carefreeness to not have to stick to any schedule.⁣

And then something started to shift. Those little things that seemed attractive and pulled you in…slowly started to annoy you. Or they become the rub in tense conversations. ⁣

Jokes to lighten a situation started to feel like no one is taking the situation seriously.⁣

A day without a care in the world feels like shirking responsibility.⁣

Not sticking to a schedule feels like disorganized chaos.⁣

It’s almost like each other’s assets start to feel like liabilities. And it’s not fun. There’s a million little reasons as to why this happens but I think the more important thing is being able to figure out how to right the ship.⁣

If you can think back to when you first got together and some of the qualities that really endeared you to your mate, what were they? What did you really admire? What attracted them to you?⁣

Can you share them with each other? There’s a good chance that what first drew you in is actually a huge asset to your relationship. There’s also an even better chance that by highlighting some of your differences, you can work to use them as big advantages in your relationship. Work together to flip the script.⁣

Take the time to have this conversation. Begin to notice how you can really move from worrying that your differences or annoyances are relationship liabilities and instead start to turn them into relationship strengths.⁣

You got this!⁣

I’m a big holiday decorator. I like tons of lights up at Christmas time.  I like pumpkins and hay bales in the fall and ...
10/31/2024

I’m a big holiday decorator. I like tons of lights up at Christmas time. I like pumpkins and hay bales in the fall and I certainly love a spooky theme around Halloween. If you drove by my house right now, you’d see way too many tacky inflatables of ghosts and goblins on my front lawn. And of course lots of spooky décor throughout the house.⁣

But that’s as far as spooky goes for me. I don’t like frights or scares in movies and I certainly don’t like ghosts or goblins in my conversations.⁣

I think that communication is hard enough without being haunted by ghosts from the past. You know, that resentful side that said you accepted the apology years ago, but can still rage in real time communication. Or your stubborn or defiant self that doesn’t ever want to be wrong? Yup, not so helpful in a conversation. And your ego centric side that wants it to be just about you…also not so great in problem solving.⁣

I believe that all parts of us want (and need) to show up to the party, but that doesn’t mean they’re all helpful. If you can be aware of what ghosts are trying to make their way into conversation, you are going to be more successful if you acknowledge or address them, rather than let them lurk in the dark corners.⁣

Remember, it is possible to have a present-day conversation that makes room for acknowledging that everything feels bigger or more significant because of what you’ve experienced in the past. There is room for all of it…it just takes time to slow down and work your way through it…together.⁣

Communication works best when it remains between the people that it involves AND when you’re aware of what ghosts still need to be addressed or acknowledged.⁣

I believe in the two of you.⁣

Ah, 7th grade math.  How I love to dread you.  Or maybe I just purely dread you. ⁣ ⁣Having two kids in two different mat...
10/24/2024

Ah, 7th grade math. How I love to dread you. Or maybe I just purely dread you. ⁣

Having two kids in two different math classes is a treat because even though it’s still 7th grade math, it’s being taught (and soaked in by them) in the slightest of different ways.⁣

What I am loving though, is the whole, ‘show your work and get partial credit’ thing. Some of the problems they’re solving have so…many…steps. And the fact that as long as they show each step as they progress, they’ll receive credit up until it takes the really wrong turn.⁣

And I like that. I like they don’t get dinged for the whole thing just because they made a mistake mid-way through. And I like that it reinforces the importance of slowing down to show your work. My guess is that there’s more right answers because they have to get used to slowing down in order to show how they got the answer. Clearly you can see that I’m all for partial credit.⁣

So what about love…can partial credit be a thing there too.⁣

Can you not like the way a certain conversation turned out AND still appreciate each other’s willingness to have it? ⁣

Can you be frustrated that change is taking longer than you’d like AND also notice that shifts are occurring?⁣

Can you long to feel more connected and in sync with each other AND also celebrate the small reaches and the ways you’re leaning into each other?⁣

I think you can.⁣

I think that partial credit can be a way to better notice what’s still needed, without throwing out the whole experience as wrong or bad. I think it can help you remain hopeful that you’re getting there, even if there are bumps along the way.⁣

What about you? Is there a way that a partial credit mindset might help you both feel more hopeful, productive and successful in love? Talk about…together…and see what you think.⁣

Mid October means it’s time for post season baseball.  One of my favorite times of year.  Although my favorite team rare...
10/21/2024

Mid October means it’s time for post season baseball. One of my favorite times of year. Although my favorite team rarely (i.e. never) sniffs the off season, I still love everything about post season baseball. ⁣

And for anyone that is a fan of the game or just tunes in for postseason, you recognize the beauty and heartbreak of it all. Inning ending strike outs with bases loaded, unhittable curve balls and diving plays.⁣

My favorite part of all of it? Watching the beauty in the most foundational plays that make HUGE differences in the outcome of the game. A perfectly laid down bunt, hello little league world series. A well-executed groundout from short to first. ⁣

And my favorite of all…small ball. Scoring runs without relying on big hits. Focusing more on strategy than home runs.⁣

The reason I love this part of baseball is because it’s much more like real life. Small ball isn’t glitzy or glamorous. It doesn’t necessarily get the crowd on their feet. But it sure as heck gets the job done. It requires a complete team effort and even some batters sacrificing their AB for the sake of moving the runner ahead of them.⁣

And doesn’t that sound a bit more like real life? And also a lot like love.⁣

Doing the little things to progress the two of you ahead. Working as a team to get the win. Sacrificing your pride in order to give an authentic apology. Not relying on the big and extravagant gestures to show the other one that they matter.⁣

I really believe that when you play small ball, both on and off the field, really big things can happen. It’s worth a try…right?⁣

And I’m here cheering you on as you do so!⁣

Sometimes all we need is a little reminder on the importance of being present in what we do rather than overly focused o...
10/16/2024

Sometimes all we need is a little reminder on the importance of being present in what we do rather than overly focused on trying to get it all done.⁣
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Sacramento, CA

Opening Hours

Tuesday 10am - 5pm
Wednesday 10am - 5pm
Thursday 10am - 5pm

Telephone

+19169553200

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