Doherty Relationship Institute

Doherty Relationship Institute Bill is an internationally recognized professor, researcher, writer, speaker, consultant, and democracy builder. www.dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com

Bill Doherty, Ph.D., and Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, LAMFT run this multi-pronged organization whose mission is to broaden the cultural conversations around marriage, therapy, divorce reform, and other mental and medical health topics.

Most couples therapy training assumes one thing:That both partners are ready to work on the relationship.But what about ...
04/29/2026

Most couples therapy training assumes one thing:
That both partners are ready to work on the relationship.

But what about the couples where:
• One partner is leaning out
• The other wants to save the marriage
• And neither is sure what to do next

This is where many therapists feel stuck.

Our Discernment Counseling training provides a structured, short-term approach designed specifically for these cases.

It helps therapists:
• Work confidently with mixed-agenda couples
• Avoid premature or ineffective couples therapy
• Guide couples toward clarity and direction

This is not about replacing your current approach.

It is about knowing what to do when couples therapy is not the right starting point.

One of the most important parts of Discernment Counseling is helping each partner look at their own contributions to the...
04/20/2026

One of the most important parts of Discernment Counseling is helping each partner look at their own contributions to the relationship dynamic.

Not to assign blame.
Not to force reconciliation.

But to reduce the risk of repeating the same patterns.

When people leave a marriage without that level of understanding, they often carry those blind spots into future relationships.

Clarity is not just about the decision.
It is about what each person takes with them moving forward.

Find out more at: www.discernmentcounseling.com/

Did you know that second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages?One reason often overlooked:Man...
04/10/2026

Did you know that second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages?

One reason often overlooked:
Many individuals carry unresolved patterns from their previous relationship into the next.

Without taking time to understand what happened and their own contributions to the problems, those patterns tend to repeat.

Discernment Counseling addresses this directly.

It helps individuals step back and ask:
What have I learned from this relationship?

What am I bringing into the next one if nothing changes?

Because the goal is not just deciding whether to stay or leave.

It is making a more informed decision about how to move forward.

Not every “stuck” couple is resistant.Not every stalled case is about skill.Sometimes the issue is simpler and harder at...
04/03/2026

Not every “stuck” couple is resistant.
Not every stalled case is about skill.

Sometimes the issue is simpler and harder at the same time:
The couple is not aligned on the goal.

One partner is trying to repair.
The other is still deciding whether to stay.

And couples therapy was never designed for that moment.

Before assuming the work is not progressing, it may be worth asking:
Are we doing the right type of work for where this couple actually is?

Learn more at: www.discernmentcounseling.com/

More than 1,600 professionals have completed Discernment Counseling training.Why does that matter?Because therapists acr...
03/25/2026

More than 1,600 professionals have completed Discernment Counseling training.

Why does that matter?

Because therapists across the country are recognizing something important:
Mixed-agenda couples need a different approach.

When one spouse is leaning out and the other wants to work on the marriage, traditional couples therapy often struggles. Not because the therapist lacks skill. But because the couple lacks shared commitment.

Discernment Counseling provides:
• A structured, short-term protocol
• Clarity before commitment
• Relief from pushing reluctant partners
• A defined path forward

This growing community of trained professionals reflects a shift in the field.
Therapists want better tools for the couples on the brink.

Learn more about Discernment Counseling at www.discernmentcounseling.com

Sometimes a leaning-out spouse will agree to marriage counseling but never fully engage.They show up, but hold back.They...
03/18/2026

Sometimes a leaning-out spouse will agree to marriage counseling but never fully engage.

They show up, but hold back.
They attend, but do not invest.
And later they conclude that counseling failed.

As Bill Doherty says, the purpose of Discernment Counseling is not to start marriage counseling.

It is to decide whether to start it.

Discernment Counseling separates the decision phase from the therapy phase.

Find out more at:
www.discernmentcounseling.com

Reality:Agreement is not the same as commitment.When someone is leaning out but not willing to examine their own contrib...
03/11/2026

Reality:
Agreement is not the same as commitment.

When someone is leaning out but not willing to examine their own contributions to the problems, couples therapy often becomes performative.

They attend.
They participate.
They quietly disengage.

Then they conclude, “Counseling didn’t work.”

Discernment Counseling was designed to prevent half-hearted couples therapy.
Instead of rushing into repair work, it helps each spouse decide whether they are truly ready to do that work.

Because therapy works best when both people are genuinely signed up.
Learn more about Discernment Counseling at www.discernmentcounseling.com

Before beginning couples therapy with a struggling marriage, here’s a question we encourage therapists to consider:Are b...
03/04/2026

Before beginning couples therapy with a struggling marriage, here’s a question we encourage therapists to consider:

Are both partners truly willing to examine themselves and their contribution to the relationship dynamic?

Not:
Are they both in the room?

Not:
Did the hesitant spouse agree to “try”?

But:
Are they ready to look inward?

Sometimes the most clinically responsible decision is to slow the process down before jumping into repair work.

What’s one sign you look for that tells you a couple is actually ready for couples therapy?

Find out more at:
www.discernmentcounseling.com

That first session with a mixed-agenda couple sets the tone for everything that follows.Without a clear structure, thera...
02/25/2026

That first session with a mixed-agenda couple sets the tone for everything that follows.

Without a clear structure, therapists often end up chasing motivation, managing panic, or unknowingly aligning with one spouse over the other.
Discernment Counseling offers a different starting point.

It gives therapists a structured way to slow the process down and support both partners.

To find out more go to:
www.discernmentcounseling.com

This one sentence shifts how we understand divorce.It reminds us that divorce is rarely a single decision made at one mo...
02/18/2026

This one sentence shifts how we understand divorce.

It reminds us that divorce is rarely a single decision made at one moment in time.

It is usually a process shaped by doubt, fear, ambivalence, and missed opportunities for clarity.

Discernment Counseling was designed to slow that process down.
To help couples understand how they got here and what their options truly are before irreversible decisions are made.

Language matters.
Process matters.
Clarity matters.

Many couples show up because they are unclear. One partner may be leaning out.The other may be leaning in.Both may feel ...
02/11/2026

Many couples show up because they are unclear.

One partner may be leaning out.
The other may be leaning in.
Both may feel stuck, scared, or overwhelmed.

Discernment Counseling was created for this exact in-between space.
It helps therapists work effectively with uncertainty rather than waiting for clarity to magically appear.

Clarity is not a prerequisite for help.
It is often the outcome.

Find out more at:
www.discernmentcounseling.com

Therapist-to-Therapist:How do you usually decide when a couple is ready for couples therapy?- Is it when both partners s...
02/04/2026

Therapist-to-Therapist:
How do you usually decide when a couple is ready for couples therapy?
- Is it when both partners say yes?
- When motivation feels “good enough”?
- When the crisis settles?

👉 Share one word or short phrase in the comments.

This work is nuanced, and learning from each other matters.

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Saint Paul, MN
55113

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