Doherty Relationship Institute

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Doherty Relationship Institute

Bill is an internationally recognized professor, researcher, writer, speaker, consultant, and democracy builder. www.dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com

Bill Doherty, Ph.D., and Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, LAMFT run this multi-pronged organization whose mission is to broaden the cultural conversations around marriage, therapy, divorce reform, and other mental and medical health topics.

12/10/2025

Ever felt like you want the marriage to work more than the couple does?

That’s usually a sign of a mixed-agenda couple:
• One wants to stay
• One is unsure or leaning toward divorce
• The therapist becomes the “holder of hope”

Without clarity, couples therapy turns into chasing progress instead of creating it.

Discernment Counseling shifts the responsibility back to the spouses:
✨ clarity
✨ ownership
✨ direction

You can stop trying to drag the ambivalent partner into the process —
and instead guide them toward a decision.

Learn how Discernment Counseling supports the therapist, not just the couple.

12/04/2025

Sometimes therapists encourage the hesitant spouse to “just try couples therapy.”

But here’s the problem:
Couples therapy only works when both partners are willing to look at themselves and try to change.

When one person is leaning out, pushing for couples therapy creates resistance — not results.

Discernment Counseling slows things down, helps both partners reflect, and gives them clarity on the direction of the marriage.

Before we ask couples to work on the relationship, we help them understand it.

See how Discernment Counseling supports mixed-agenda couples:
www.discernmentcounseling.com

12/02/2025

Couples therapy is rewarding, but it’s also heartbreaking when a couple is on the brink.

Bill Doherty created Discernment Counseling to give therapists a map when one spouse leans out of the marriage and not motivated for couples therapy.

Our mission: make sure no therapist has to “wing it” in these painful situations.

Because clarity is the first step.

11/19/2025

Are you seeing couples on the brink of divorce?

You can offer your clients a powerful tool for navigating difficult decisions about the direction of their marriage. Discernment Counseling is perfect for couples where one partner is leaning into the marriage and the other is leaning out, but no final decision on divorce has been made. This short-term protocol provides clarity and direction, helping couples make informed decisions.

11/12/2025

Most therapists instinctively lean toward the motivated spouse OR try to help that person see the marriage is over.

Either way, there is research showing a large group of leaning out spouses does seek clarity and confidence based on a deeper understanding of what happened to their marriage. It isn’t doing the couples therapy but exploring their paths right now: do nothing, divorce, or work on the marriage.

Discernment Counseling offers a clear path for these couples and clinicians.

11/05/2025

Some couples therapy cases need to transition to Discernment Counseling.

In Discernment Counseling, we teach how to slow things down:
✅ Find out what that really means (individually, so the person can be really honest.)
✅ Explore each partner’s contributions (love is created over thousands of micro moments.)
✅ Clarify what’s possible — what each could sign up for if they chose to work on the marriage.

These conversations are hard, but they can change everything.

10/29/2025

We’re here to:

✨ Reduce unnecessary divorces (and research shows 10% of late state divorces involve two people who WOULD be open to reconciliation!)
✨ Help therapists feel confident and offer the right service for the toughest couples.
✨ Give leaning-out, doubt-filled spouses, a safe space to explore what has happened (while offering leaning-in spouses the best chance at saving their marriage.)

Every therapist who learns Discernment Counseling is part of that mission.

10/23/2025

Fact: When one spouse is ambivalent about staying married and doing couples therapy, regular couples therapy often fails.

Why? Because couples therapy requires both spouses to be truly “signed up” for the work.

Discernment Counseling was designed for this exact population.

Not every couple will succeed in couples therapy. Some need Discernment Counseling first.

10/15/2025

When a couple sits down and one spouse is “all in” and the other says, “I’m not sure,” what’s your first move?

1️⃣ Explore the leaning-out’s reasons.
2️⃣ Encourage them both to commit to therapy.
3️⃣ Something else.

Drop your thoughts below! We want to hear from you.

10/08/2025

If you’ve ever thought: “I wish I had a better roadmap for mixed-agenda couples,” — we built this training for you.

Over 1,800 therapists have already trained.

The protocol is clear, practical, and life-changing for your couples.

👉 Learn more & join here:
https://discernmentcounseling.com/

10/01/2025

Ever had a couple where one spouse says “I’m not sure I want to stay” — while the other is desperate to save the marriage?

That’s what we call a mixed-agenda couple.

Most therapists dread these cases — but Discernment Counseling was built for exactly this situation.

Want to feel more confident when the “half-out” spouse shows up? That’s what we train therapists to do.

09/24/2025

Spouses, especially those on the brink of divorce, tend to be very other-focused, while therapy can only work when someone owns their role in why the marriage got to the point of possible divorce. Discernment Counseling builds in a structure that inherently holds personal accountability from both partners for the state of the marriage and works with both spouses to better see their contributions.

www.discernmentcounseling.com/

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Saint Paul, MN
55113

Website

http://dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com/

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