The Life Of Me, Smile Magee

04/14/2026

“ I know your suppose to stand up and do this , even if you have a mic brought to you . But I don’t feel good and I broke my foot, So I’m going to sit down. BUT I’m also very tall and very loud. So I think we can make this work “

At the beginning of month in my church we have a thing called “ fast and testimony meeting “. And during it we have the chance to get up go to the pulpit , and basically speak to the congregation and share about something we have learned. Typically for old people they have a teen sitting in the chair in the front of the pulpit . Holding a microphone , and if the old person stands up they will bring it to them so they have an accessible way to share .
Yesterday, was honestly the first time I felt semi decent enough to go to church in a couple months .
And I’ll be real , I could barely make it down the long halls even with my oxygen , so I knew between how awful I’ve been feeling , and my broken foot . There was no way I was going to make the walk up to the podium . Heck .. I didn’t even know if I could stand long enough to share even if the mic was brought to me .
But even with all the complications and scenarios running through my head. I had this gnawing feeling I needed to share my testimony .
So the girl who use to be petrified to go to the pulpit .
Did what she has done no one do before , and I sat in the stands to share my testimony.

I honestly didn’t even l know what I was going to say until I started saying it .

I shared my struggle .

I shared how it’s felt so sadistic to a sense that we were sent to this earth to experience hardships

But on the other hand .. we were created to have Joy.

And my own journey as of late trying to figuring out how these go together .

( My personal conclusion is , I believe happiness comes from well.. things that are temporary. And Joy comes from things that are eternal . That last forever . )

Then telling what I didn’t know I knew to be true. The honest truth that I’m grateful for my trials , because without them I wouldn’t know God as well as I do.

As I spoke these words . My testimony. My statement of my faith. It was like some
of the questions I’ve been asking God through tear filled prayer where answered on the spot.

Once again in awe of Gods grace .

And the statement from a girl from my institute class ( years ago) when she said

“ I don’t know much .. But I know God loves me “

🐷

04/12/2026

So my mom is awesome , and unexpectedly her favorite modern band is .bighitofficial 😂👌❤️.

So we went to their live streamed concert straight from Korea , to the screens of Northern Utah ❤️. ( in a theater with the fancy recliner seats , AND that had pretzel bites.
I felt spoiled lol 😂)

Even though last night I had focal seizures for over an hour last night , I still am
In extra pain and don’t feel good from the iron infusion …. And I got
to admit .. I was just struggling , and was considering not going

I’m so glad I went .. The concert was a blast ❤️!!

And the guys in BTS are pretty darn hot 😍😂👌.

I wish I got a good pic of all of us in our matching shirts .

But I’m so grateful for great moments and memories!

04/10/2026

04/10/2026

Right now I’ll 1000% admit my camera is what’s keeping me sane 😅😂❤️.

With just constantly being / feeling sick and how bad my pain has been lately..

Let alone a lot of SCARY decisions I’ve had to / had to make.

I’ve been close to just breaking down more
Often than I’d like to admit

I have found myself asking .. ( and well crying and pleading to God ) “ Why “ SO many times I could never count them all

But when I’m behind my lense and truly see the beauty life gives ,

It makes me think how could you ever doubt that there is a God

And if God had a plan to make all this . He must have a plan for me to .

Taking pics / editing pics is my happy place . The one time my brain just shuts up.

So I’m thinking maybe we could have a “pics of the week “ video every week .. what do you think?

04/10/2026

Tbh , Iron infusions hit hard .. and I mean hit like a train 🚂 😅

But if I can get some symptom relief soon (ish )

04/09/2026

Happy 66th Old man 😉❤️. Remember your the one I inherited my dark sense of humor from! 😂😂😉

And I think your wish Definitely still counts 😝

Here is to MANY more !!!!

I love you !

04/08/2026

Life has latley seemed like an endless cycle of pain ( so much pain ) , illness ,
and appointments..
I had hope things could get better until my most recent immunology appointment. Where with her words ( unintentionally on her end ) caused the hope I had to fly out the window

As you have probably seen that loss hope has slowly been breaking me .

It hard to try to focus on the good to come

When you think what could be improved , will never get better.

When you realize .. you’re stuck .
And there isn’t anything you can do about it .

And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed asking God “ What is the point of all this ?”

But today , as my mom and I drove up for my bi weekly asthma shot at my infusion center

After getting some chick-fil-A ( that I have been craving )

Instead of turning right into the mundane bumper to bumper traffic we have become nearly accustomed to driving HOURS in weekly

My mom decided to turn left.
And with my camera in hand we drove through desert backroads . Moutain roads and Canyons we didn’t know existed.
Saw beautiful horses a longhorn with horns the size of my TV.

And the cage I have been emotionally living in , felt non existent .

Even in pain, even feeling super sick .

I was happy to be in this moment with my mom
And just felt , truly and simply alive

We all have these moments of darkness .
These “ cages “ we are put in or even put ourselves in that make us feel trapped and hopeless .

And I wonder how many times .. when that feeling comes.
We need to do something unexpected, do something to remind us of Gods blessings , Go on an adventure , remember why life is worth it .

And instead of turning right . Turn left

Thank you mom for deciding to make the left turn I desperately needed ❤️

04/05/2026

There is a common saying upon people with chronic illness/ rare disease / life threatening conditions that says

“ When people say Your so strong , what am I suppose to say .. Thanks ? “. I litterally had no other choice besides jumping off a cliff .

This past while has reminded me that it is a choice . You actively have to make the choice to swim .

And some days latley it’s felt like I’ve been swimming through jello

Instead of finding solace typing out updates of my chaotic life .

I’ve found myself opening my MyChart app and crying when I saw the amount of appointments ..

( and these are just the planned appointments. Not any “pop ups” or illnesses that may come . )

Crying at how hopeless things feel . Especially when it comes to my immune deficiency.

And craving for improvements I don’t dare believe will happen .

Let alone being intimated by the algorithms of social media .

I’ve just felt this weight . This funk .
That’s seemed impossible to shake .

But like the other day when someone asked me “ How I handle things so well “

Instead of drowning in imposter syndrome .
Without a second beat .. or thought . I told her the truth I know in my heart .

That I have God, and I know that because of him all will be well .

And I know that fact to be true. ♥️

03/28/2026

Another day another deficiency 😝.



I’m guessing if I’m super anemic , if we can get the iron to actually stay in my system… I’ll have some symptom improvement , and hopefully day to day I’ll feel atleast a little better .

I asked my doctor some questions about like what dose she wants me on , what could be causing the anemia , and how we are going to monitor everything. And my hematologist is really good at getting back with me . So Ill probably hear back from her at the beginning of the week

But if you have a brand of iron you love and has worked for you before PLEASE comment it below
Cause this is definitely a new problem I’ve never dealt with before . ( and I’m so grateful they caught it )

But If it’s anything like trying to maintain/ raise my copper levels it will be a ride! lol

But I’m thinking my iron levels should 🤞🏻 hopefully 🤞🏻. Be easier to adjust .

Less of a bucking bronco , more like a smooth trial ride . ( she types while simultaneously knocking on wood and crossing her fingers , toes , and eyeballs )

03/27/2026

Medical update .

So fun news .
The infection collection continues 🙃.
The past 3 ish weeks I have had
Influenza B

A secondary sinus infection from the influenza

And now SEVERE thrush from all the antibiotics that have completely taken my voice and have made my throat hurt SO bad it hurts to swallow my spit

For the past couple of days my body now also does this fun little trick where I’ve been getting this painful warm rash on my cheek .

But it almost disappears every time I take anything anti inflammatory
And then will flare back up again . ( pic shows how it’s varied the past couple of days )

I learned this fun fact after going to my doc to get the rash and thrush checked out , and it was like 30 minutes after I took my daily anti inflammatory medication and the rash was just barley there when I went to go see my doc

We are just keeping an eye on it .
But Whoever can tell me what kind of rash this is . You win 😂👌.

My dog also jumped on my broken foot yesterday so that was golden 🥲.

I am THRIVING over here as you can tell 😂😂.

I have my monthly telehealth appointment with my immunologist on Tuesday, and I wanna talk with her about other options to treat my immune deficiency.

Because well .. when I’m getting sick this frequently it’s obvious the current plan isn’t working . But it feels like there are no plans left .

I mean there are 26 letters in the alphabet .
So the optimist in me is usually comforted by the fact there can be way more than just plan A or B. .

But the alphabet for immune deficiency seems to be a lot shorter . 😅😅
And I’ve failed each and every plan .

What do I do next ?